Assertiveness Training Yau Tat-yu

Rights (you may not be fully convinced of) – to offer no reasons or excuses to justify your behavior. – to judge whether you are responsible for finding solutions to other people ’ s problems. – to change your mind. – to make mistakes (and be responsible for them).

Rights (you may not be fully convinced of) – to say, ‘ I don ’ t know ’, ‘ I don ’ t understand ’, and ‘ I don ’ t care ’. – to be independent of goodwill of others before coping with them. – to be illogical in making decisions. – to judge your own behaviors, thoughts and emotions, and be responsible for them.

Underlying Assumptions The emphasis on ‘Rights’ is to counter the implied ‘Responsibilities’, which are induced to us through manipulative strategies by others. The spirit (or logic): When we are free from manipulation, we act on our own choice and be responsible for ourselves (not for others).

Reflection Our choices, actions and behaviors are much more complicated, often torn among responsibility, preference and concern for others. Assertiveness training should better take into account of impact on significant others (people we care) and relationship with them.

Manipulation The implicit messages as implied by explicit wordings can be very powerful and manipulative. These (subtle and implicit) messages can make you feel very anxious, guilt, shame, ignorant, foolish or even stubborn about yourself subconsciously.

Reflection Values of Assertiveness Training 1.Have courage to be yourself, to judge according to your own standard (thus enhance self-acceptance) 2.Respect others and avoid to impose our standard / expectations on them (sometimes through manipulative strategies).

斷線唱片 (Broken Record) First, ensure that you have the right to make your request explicitly. State your request repetitively and persistently without getting angry, irritated, or loud. Don ’ t give up, nor compromise, until you get satisfied with the result of it.

迷霧法 (Fogging) Handle criticism without denying, or counterattacking it. Agreeing with truth, with odds, or in principles. Don’t take criticism personal (being distant from it), nor argue back.

果敢承擔 (Negative Assertion) Error is error, just accept it. Underlying belief: We are human, so we commit mistakes inevitably. Let’s face them. Admit the facts of error assertively and be responsible for them, so to protect ourselves from further personal attack.

敢於澄清 (Negative Inquiry) Criticism usually goes along with personal attack and put-down. Sometimes criticism is too general or vague to cope with. Negative Inquiry – to clarify on what we have done specifically, without further provoking others, nor giving impression of being defensive.

Three Simple Steps Representation – reflecting what you hear and see in plain language. Clarification – clarifying the implied message directly. Assertive Expression – expressing your views and opinions firmly.

Final Remarks Asserting your Rights, but at the same time keeping the relationship work, or maintaining harmonious relationship. If we care about the relationship: we first tune into other’s emotions, concerns and positive intention (if any), and then assert our rights and even propose our commitment on resolving the difference.

Final Remarks If we truly respect other’s right and believe that others will do the same, we dare to assert our rights. Enriching our responses to critical moments can enhance our overall social competence – the exact ways of coping will much depend on context, caring for relationship and expected goals.