Lecture 10 Attraction, Affiliation and Love

Outline Attraction and Liking Love Attachment Equity Theory Interpersonal Communication Relationship Dissolution

Factors Influencing Attraction Propinquity - Proximity Mere-exposure effect Similarity Reciprocal Positive Evaluations Physical Attractiveness

Proximity - Quote 1a Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first - Sir Peter Ustinov, 1977

Proximity - Quote 1b When I’m not near the one I love, I love the one I’m near - E. Y. Harburg, 1947

Propinquity (Proximity) A powerful predictor of friendship is geographical nearness - Proximity kindles liking Actually it is not geographical distance that is critical but “functional distance” How can you make friends?

Mere-exposure effect The tendency for novel stimuli to be more liked after repeated exposures Do people like the Mona Lisa or is it a familiar face? To know her is to like her Can we use this to get people to like us?

Frequency of Exposure and Liking in the Classroom (from Moreland & Beach, 1992) # of Times the RA came to Class Attraction Rating

Similarity We like people that are similar to us Newcomb (1961) – Dormitory Study People who are similar provide social validation of beliefs We assume it will be enjoyable to spend time with those who are similar to us

‘Birds of a feather’ or ‘Opposites attract’ Demographics Personality Two warm people or two cold people Dominance vs. Submissive Physical Attractiveness Folkes (1982) – dating service study

Another Quote The average man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman with beautiful legs - Marlene Dietrich ( )

Reciprocal Liking We like to be liked We like those who like us Curtis & Miller (1986) Participants in Pairs Told target that other participant doesn’t like them

Attractiveness – Quotes 2 IT IS ONLY SHALLOW PEOPLE WHO DO NOT JUDGE BY APPEARANCE - Oscar Wilde, 1891

Effects of Attractiveness on Liking Buss & Barnes (1986) Asked university students what qualities they want in a mate

Effects of Attractiveness on Liking II Walster (Hatfield) and colleagues (1966) University of Minnesota dance (N = 752) Battery of personality test Blind Date (Not the TV show)

What is Beautiful is Good Stereotypes: What are they? Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid (1977)

How to Pick-up THAT’S RIGHT READ THE TITLE

Opening Lines – Which are Most Effective Kleike et al. (1986) Cunningham (1989)

Likeability of Target Person as a Function of their Pick-Up Line Type of Pick-Up Line Likeability

Test of the “No one is Ugly After 2 a.m. Hypothesis” Pennebaker et al. (1979) “How attractive are the men/women here tonight?”

What is Love? “Love is something so divine, Description would but make it less; ‘Tis what I feel, but can’t define, ‘Tis what I know, but can’t express.” - Beilby Porteus

Zick Rubin (1970) The Love Scale 3 Factors: 1) Attachment 2) Caring 3) Intimacy

Companionate vs. Passionate Love Companionate Love The affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined Passionate Love A state of intense longing for union with another. Passionate lovers are absorbed in one another, feel ecstatic at attaining their partner’s love, and are disconsolate on losing it.

Love Styles (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992) Eros passionate physical appearance Ludus game-playing no commitment Storge friendship slow-moving to commitment Mania possessive obsessive Agape altruistic gentle, caring, dutiful Pragma pragmatic match on vital statistics

The Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1988) Passion Commitment Intimacy

Attachment Parent-child relationships Secure Characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned and the view that one is worthy and well liked Avoidant Characterized by a suppression of attachment needs Anxious/ambivalent Characterized by a concern that others will not reciprocate one’s desire for intimacy, resulting in higher-than-average levels of anxiety

Attachment 2 Kinds of Avoidant Attachment (Bartholomew, 1990; Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991) Fearful Avoidant Characterized by avoidance of close relationships because of mistrust and fears of being hurt Dismissive Avoidant Characterized by claims of self-sufficiency and no need for close relationships

Maintaining Relationships Social Exchange Theory Interpersonal Communication The Role of Positive Illusions

Quote “What, after all, is our life but a great dance in which we are all trying to fix the best going rate if exchange?” - Malcolm Bradbury, 1992

Social Exchange/Equity Theory Equity A condition in which the outcomes (i.e. rewards) people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it (i.e., costs; cf. reward/cost ratio) Comparison level People’s expectations about the level of rewards and costs (punishment) they deserve in a relationship.

Quotes “What is a friends? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.” - - Frank Crane

Interpersonal Communication Self-disclosure The act of deliberately revealing significant, personal information about oneself that would not normally be known. Dimensions of self-disclosure Breadth (quantity) of information Depth (intimacy) of information

Role of Positive Illusion Love is blind Idealization of our romantic partners in order to maintain the relationship Murray & Holmes (1993) Study 1: asked if partner tended to initiate conflicts Study2: asked to list similarities and differences

Why Relationships End “To marry a woman you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will stop loving the other first.” - - Alfred Capus

Relationship Dissolution Ways of coping with a failing relationship (Rusbult et al., 1986, 1987) Loyalty Neglect Voice

Predictors of Relationship Failure Rubin, Peplau, & Hill (1981) Followed 231 dating couples. After 2 yrs 103 couple broke up. Finding  Best predictor:Unhappiness of female

The Happiness Continuum Married men  Single women  Married women  Single men

Relationship Dissolution Who is more likely to break-up with who? Who is more negatively effected? Male or Female? Breaker or Breakee?