Beyond the Birds and the Bees Your Child, Sex and Mental Illness NAMI MN State Conference 2014 Amy Moeller, LISCW, Emily Scribner-O’Pray, BA and Anne Estling, CMA

Laying the groundwork 2

Video:The Talk The Talk - YPC 3

Activity: What kind of sexuality education did you have? 4 From the right person, with the right information at the right time? OR From the wrong, person, with the wrong information at the wrong time? Or not at all?

Guiding Principals Sexuality is a natural and healthy part of being human Knowledge is helpful, not harmful Every parent wants what is best for their children Our cultural, family and individual values, histories and experiences impact our beliefs and behaviors regarding sex, sexuality and relationships All children deserve to live free of sexual violence The sexual images, messages, information and disinformation in media and popular culture impact our beliefs and behaviors regarding sex, sexuality and relationships Parents are the primary sexuality educators of their children 5

Why teach kids about sex? We give kids messages about sex whether we work at it or not. Where? When? Who? How it happens matters People deserve to know Talking about sex helps create a trusting and supportive relationship between children and parents. 6

Parents matter! 7

Activity: Messages If you could pass on just one or two messages to your child about healthy sexuality, what would they be? (One or two sentences at most) Write down your message on the piece of paper provided. 8

Tips for Talking Tone matters! As Maya Angelou says, “People may not remember what we say to them, but they will remember how we say it.” Many smaller talks are far more helpful than one big talk. Spend time together. Use “teachable moments”. (The media provides us with many of these!) It’s normal to be nervous and it’s okay to not have all of the answers. Don’t forget to talk about relationships. Respect their privacy. 9

Tips for talking Be honest and give truthful answers that are developmentally appropriate. Listen more than talk. Ask your child or teen about their perspective. Be calm. Tell them that you are glad they are talking to you. Remember – the goal isn’t to prevent sexuality. You can’t. Have a sense of humor! Children and teens care what you think, and want to know what your values are. 10

Special Considerations: Mental Illness Hyper sexuality Impulse control Difficulty understanding/respecting boundaries Increased risk-taking Sexual versus Behavioral Pornography 11

What do you wish someone had told you about sex? Real Life Real Talk - Syracuse 12

Contact Us Amy Moeller, Family Enhancement Center/Children’s Hospitals and Clinics Emily Scribner-O’Pray, Hennepin County Anne Estling, MyHealth for Teens and Young Adults 13