Self editing Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

Format 1. double spaced? pt font? 3 paragraphs indented? 4. Title? (think of one that works for essay) 5. Name and hour

Introduction Does the introduction start out a with general statement that narrows down to supporting ideas and thesis? If not: Is there a broad statement about your topic in which you mention (haste, opposition, light and dark, Shakespeare’s purpose or intent, or character’s function in play that might work as a lead. Or, begin with a quote or well known proverb on your topic that isn’t from the play.

Is play and Shakespeare mentioned? Do you see any words such as: Great, beautiful, famous, brilliant, or amazing in your intro? If so cut them right now. We all know Shakespeare is a wonderful and brilliant writer. Your purpose is not to review his work but to analyze it.

Do you have previews of 3 supporting ideas? If previews are part of thesis statement make sure punctuation is correct if one word: ______, _______, and________. Or phrases: ___ ___ ____; ___ ____ ____; and ___ _____ ____.

Parallel construction in thesis? He sits, stands, and weeps in iambic pentameter. He is the first to arrive; the first to volunteer; and the first to leave.

Thesis Does the thesis statement express your opinion on the topic? If it is stating the topic only, then think about what Shakespeare is saying about the topic and see if that helps. Does your thesis state a clear position, something you can prove or show in your essay? If not: revise to explain how or why.

Use third person p.o.v. Cut out any I thinks or I.

First paragraph 1. Read the topic sentence out loud to yourself. 2. Is it introducing the main idea of the paragraph, or is it summarizing a part of the story? Make sure it clearly states your first supporting idea. 3. Does the topic sentence correspond with the first supporting idea mentioned in the introduction?

Are you writing in present tense? Romeo sees Juliet and hides in the bushes.

First example Does it relate to supporting idea in topic sentence? (if not cut it-or revise topic sentence) When you present your example is context provided? Make sure context is short and not a summary. For example: After the Friar tells Romeo of the Prince’s sentence, Romeo reacts with tears and the type of overwrought emotion he exhibited over Rosaline’s unrequited love in act 1. He allows his anguish to rule his reason. (this is analysis of his behavior-not a retelling)

Are you relating your example to thesis or topic sentence? If not, make the connection for your reader.

Quotes Is context briefly included? Is quote introduced with colon or comma? Examples: Romeo compares Juliet to the most splendid light of all: “Juliet is the sun.” After spying on her Romeo says, “Juliet is the sun.” Or embedded within sentence: Romeo first describes Juliet as “the sun.”

More than four lines, be sure to indent Romeo first refers to Juliet’s bright beauty at the Capulets feast: O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! It seems she hangs upon the cheek of As a rich jewel in an Ethiop’s ear- Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear. Juliet’s beauty not only informs the torches how to illuminate the Night, but it also shines like a jewel against the backdrop of blackness like a diamond against dark skin.

Commentary This is the most important part of essay. Have you first explained the quote in your own words if necessary? Shakespeare suggests here that….. Or: Romeo’s reference to “carrion flies” and their freedom to “size and steal immortal blessings from [Juliet’s] lips” expresses his anguish at no longer being able to touch Juliet. On a symbolic level, the image once again, foreshadows her death- Then comment on what the quote reveals. Does it reveal character, theme or imagery?

read your commentary after the first quote. Have you explained how your example relates back to your topic sentence? If not make a note in the margin.

Transition to next supporting detail/example Do you have a transition from first detail to next? If not put one there. Avoid using the phrase : “Another example of this is when…” If you see this phrase underline it and try to rephrase it into active voice: Romeo later regains his self-control and settles back into his confident self as he thanks Friar Lawrence for his advice: “How well my comfort is revived by this!”

Does the paragraph end with commentary? Do you have more than one sentence in your commentary? If not, deepen it. Does commentary clearly relate back to thesis?

Read your paragraph again silently….is there coherence? (Are the sentences related to each other). If you find one that jars you away from previous thought, mark it and insert transitional phrase later (later, after, next). Do you think you have given enough analysis? Add one more thought to explore later. (you may or may not use it.)

Transition to next paragraph Is there a transition to your next paragraph? Does transition link previous idea to next idea? Try to find a stronger transition than the phrase: “Another example… There should be a repeating word, or idea.

Look at topic sentence 1.Does it introduce main idea in next paragraph? 2.If it starts with summary of the next scene, stop and figure out a way to present idea as analysis and not summary.

Read paragraph out loud Mark any sentence that sounds awkward-if it sounds awkward, it probably is. Check for commas after introductory and parenthetical phrases. However should not be at the beginning of a sentence. Correct: Romeo, however, prefers marriage to a prolonged engagement.

Look at it again Any “is when” or “Is because” should be circled and sentence revised. Look for capitalization of all names and places.

Check Transition to next paragraph Does it relate previous idea to the next one? If not find a way to link it.

After you have applied the same criteria to the third paragraph as you did the others, Ask yourself this: are the paragraphs arranged in the best order?

Chronological? Order of importance?

Don’t need to stick to 5 paragraph essay. If your first example in your first supporting idea is long- then present your next example in a new paragraph. Generally anytime you introduce a new idea you should start a new paragraph.

Conclusion Do you have: In conclusion? Cut it

Have you restated your main points briefly with newly minted phrases? Have you synthesized your findings into a few sentences that point back to your thesis with new understanding? Have you related your conclusion to a greater understanding of the play’s themes, character or Shakespeare’s purpose? If not- please try to do so. Do you see a thesis statement here? Sometimes the thesis is hiding in the conclusion. Move it to the introduction.

Final home edit Ask someone at home to read your paper. Have them circle anything that doesn’t make sense or that isn’t clear. Feel proud about your hard work!

I will not accept ed essays. If your printer should experience a last minute failure- to yourself, or put it on your flash drive, or do both,and then print it out in the media center before class. It is your job, not mine to print your work.