Mastering Difficult Conversations A Key Skill Within Your Winning Game Plan Terri Wallin, MHA, RN CEO Wallin Enterprises, LLC

Outcomes  Define difficult conversations & components of healthy and unhealthy conversations  Describe at least 3 successful techniques that minimize negative consequences in conversations  Identify at least 2 ways you can improve upon your delivery with difficult conversations

What is a difficult conversation?  When something is said, done or given that causes or has the potential to cause another party to react unfavorably Picture Source: Shutterstock jpg

“The big three blind spots are tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. The listener is very aware of these, the talker is not.” Douglas Stone, Author Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most Source:

The role of body language Picture source: 123rf.com #26722 It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it… ?? ??

About Difficult Conversations… Healthy ComponentsUnhealthy Components Readiness for the conversation Accusations before having facts together Thoughtfulness about the impact to the receiver Arrogance and lack of compassion Respectful message delivery Engaging your mouth before your head has time to think Active listening Having to be right Matched body language & words Jumping to conclusions without hearing all sides Proper timing for the conversation Unwillingness to listen Transparency Not owning your part to play

Helpful Techniques with Conversations In advance of a conversation…  Do your homework and have accurate facts  Analyze if there is a possibility for an unfavorable response  Think through every possible scenario - the worst to best reaction  Think through your ideal response based on possible scenarios  Practice in advance – watching body language & words  Know your triggers and value violations

Helpful Techniques with Conversations During the Conversation…  Tell the truth – always!  Stay defenseless and clear  Make the discussion a conversation rather than a confrontation  Get to the point as quickly as possible  With behavior conversations, use examples that are real Refrain from adjectives – describe the behavior  Seek to understand, ask questions  Listen, reframe and ask receiver if you heard correctly  Use the broken record technique when needed

Spotting signs for deterioration  Watch body language  Voices change – pitch, tone, loudness  Words become less tactful and more defensive  Facial changes – color, tears, etc.  Sudden animation of one party or both  Disinterest/disengagement  Blaming and minimal/no ownership

There’s one on one difficult conversations, what about groups… Cartoon source: Fotolia.com_ _XS

Let’s talk through at least 1 scenario  Hacked system over the weekend, payroll is gone…  Expenses out of whack, lay-offs are the solution – 5 have to go from your division  Client yelling at scheduling staff or when you come to the door for a visit…  Competitor that is your best colleague and friend hires your star performer…

Let’s practice 1 of these  The chronically late comers  The roamers  The gossipers  The fast, but inaccurate  The sour pickles  The catastrophizers  The backstabbers  The inaccurate time card recorders  And the list goes on…

Self-assessment  Take a moment to complete the assessment  This is not research driven, but will give you an idea for areas of focus  Place an “X” in the box most fitting to you U if unsure 1 if it never true about you 2 if it is sometimes true about you 3 if it is always true about you

“For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.” Margaret Heffernan Let’s leave with this… Read more at