Stilettos on Fire!!

‘Loving Eyes’ by Jim Knipe Introduction by SONYA FARRELL 2015 BOOKS From– Healing the Heart of Trauma & Dissociation Carol Forgash & Margaret Copeley Jim Knipe – EMDR Toolbox

Looking from one part to another… Loving Eyes Looking from one part to another… ENCOURAGE DIALOGUE & HEALING – Adult – Child – LATER INTEGRATE INTO PERSONALITY THROUGH FULL

Loving Eyes Procedure – Jim Knipe Difficulty in holding Dual Attention Alternative to Phase 3 of the EMDR Standard Protocol. Client feels too much or too little… NOT SAFELY ORIENTATED IN THE PRESENT & FOCUSSING ON TRAUMA ONE FOOT IN THE PRESENT & ONE FOOT IN THE– They may have a dissociated emotional self part. IMAGE COGNITIONS SUDS SENSATIONS ETC OVERWHELMED – STOPPING THE CONNECTION ALL FINE NOW – EVENTHOUGH IT AFFECTS THEM DAILY! AVOIDANCE – DISSOCIATION OF FEELING AS A DEFENCE

Steps in using the Loving Eyes Procedure… Adult part + Safety in room – Visually witness the childhood trauma as a separate person from the Child. Step 2: “Just see this child, see whatever you see..”. BLS - Constant Installation of Present Orientation of Safety (CIPOS) may be needed if the Adult self experiences the feelings of the child. BRIEF OVERVIEW – CASE - SHARON FEARED CHILD PART GO BACK IN TIME…. THERAPIST WORDING – CONVEYS ACCEPTANCE OF THE CHILD WITHOUT JUDGEMENT – WHAT THE CHILD NEEDED AT THE TIME OF THE TRAUMATIC. CIPOS – MOVE IN & OUT OF THE TRAUMA MEMORY SAFELY - Chapter 13 – EMDR TOOLBOX

Steps in using the Loving Eyes Procedure… Adult – Fearful of Child part? Defence. Client - focus on the positive feelings associated with the defence – Short set of BLS Blocking Beliefs Questionnaire Clients positive self statement is then installed as a Resource. 1. DISSOCIATIVE DISTANCE FROM PAINFUL FEELINGS – CHILD EGO STATE 2. MOVE TO THE PART THAT DOES NOT WANT TO WORK WITH THE TRAUMA – BLS (lessen sympathetic arousal) Example – ‘What’s good about knowing that YOU are not that child’? “ What’s good about knowing that you are not stupid or weak etc…” - Think of that…EM Client – “ I am safe now, I wasn’t then” - “ I feel sorry for her, she was in a no-win situation” 3. BBQ Example – I don’t deserve to get over this problem…………………. Secondary gain / guilt WORK 5-7 FEAR REDUCES MORE UNDERSTANDING HEALLING FORM OF ‘Clearing out’

Steps in using the Loving Eyes Procedure… Client can freely see the Child – “When you look at the child can you see the child’s feelings”? BLS Step 5: “When you look at that Child, how do you feel about the Child”? BLS “Can she hear you”? SUFFICIENT ORIENTATION TO PRESENT SAFETY – FEAR OF CHILD DISSIPATES & POSITIVE FEELINGS OF CONNECTION & COMPASSION LOVE & RESPECT

Steps in using the Loving Eyes Procedure… “Is there anything you know now as an Adult that may be helpful to that Child, something that Child doesn’t know”? “ Stay with that” BLS Step 7: If the client says that the Child is “scared that we see her” or is “scared that we will criticise her for being afraid”, then the shift should be back to the Adult self with questions like, “Do you in fact, as an adult, looking at the Child, feel critical of the Child for having that fear”? CHILD PART BEGINS TO EXPERIENCE LOVE & VALIDATION MAY NEED TO RETURN TO STEP 5 INTERWEAVES OF COGNITIVE INFORMATION ABOUT THE REALITIES OF THE CHILDS LIFE’S CIRCUMSTANCES – USEFUL TO SOFTEN THE HARSHNESS OF THE CRITICAL ADULTS PERSPECTIVE I.E. “DO YOU THINK THAT CHILD HAD IT TOUGH”?

Loving Eyes Procedure… + DIALOGUE – 2 parts RECONCILLIATION OF CONFLICT PROCESS ALL TRAUMA MEMORY INTEGRATE INTO PERSONALITY Step by step approach to achieve a healing connection between two conflicting dissociative parts

Case Example - Sharon History Presentation Standard Protocol – BLS NC: ‘I am out of control’ PC: ‘I am in control’ SUD: 5 VOC: 5 Dissociation from affect – Vulnerable Child The names have been changed to protect the innocent! Permission has been given to discuss this case today. History: 48yrs Childhood Neglect. Mum – Epilepsy, violent, alcohol, Schizophrenic, Bi-Polar. Blame Sharon, brother was the golden child. Sharon looked after the family from 6 years. Dad – Very busy with work, would never stand up for the children. Grandparents were very caring and would teach Sharon to cook and sew etc.. Feral – playing on farm with brother Looking after Mum, brother and Dad, cooking, cleaning etc. Called out of school to look after Mum. Brother died in accident 4 years ago. Presentation: Stressed, anxious, IBS, Px Citalopram, flashbacks, occas nightmares. Late 40’s, very strong, bubbly personality, super positive, speaks very fast, full of energy & works very hard – own business. Intelligent. Strong Apparently Normal Part. Partner with a professional job, works away, very dependant relationship with a dog. Brother – accident – DROWNED BLS – Processed v well. Seemed too easy. Too keen to tell me how good she was all the time. Trying to please/look after me… After checking it out after completion/re-evaluating she could comment on how awful it was for everyone else but not herself…

Loving Eyes – Two Parts in Conversation Sharon had never had the loving eyes of an Adult Sharon learnt as a child it is not OK to cry or safe to have negative feelings - Developed a strong ANP. MY UPR IN RELATIONSHIP – REPARATIVE – LOVING EYES AVOIDED PAIN BY DISSOSOCIATING FROM CHILD

Steps in using the Loving Eyes with Sharon… “Look back in time until you are looking at your brothers body …” BLS Move your attention to the person you were that day, look at her, looking at him…” BLS “When you look at her now, standing next to her…. what do you see…”? BLS “What do you feel for that girl standing there as you look into her eyes….”? BLS “What would you like to say to her with all the knowledge you have now as an adult that may help her in that moment….” BLS TEARS SAD EMPATHY LESS ENERGY

Steps in using the Loving Eyes with Sharon… Targets: River – seeing her brothers body pulled up Morgue door Seeing her brothers face in the morgue. Emotional Grounded Connection Whole

Loving Eyes Sharon - after the ‘Loving Eyes’ Procedure: “My brother is no longer in the morgue, he is in heaven, we are both at peace now”. “I know now that I coped well with losing my dear brother and managed to stay in control” ANP – SUPER CAPABLE BUBBLY HAPPY ENERGY VULNERABLE CHILD PART – V FRAGILE HURT LONELY HIDDEN After ‘Loving Eyes’ – ENERGY DROPPED EMPATHIC SAD - STILL HAVING TO LOOK AFTER HER BROTHER & PARENTS DURING TRAGIC ACCIDENT STILL IN CONTROL Saw herself as a large dragon breathing fire - Strength, Spiritual, I can do anything.

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