Companionship Developed by: Craig Rennebohm Mental Health Chaplaincy, Seattle Developing the capacity of congregations to support recovery and wellness The goal of this training is to equip members of the congregation to share the journey with individuals and families facing challenging mental health issues.

Companionship Defined Companionship is a relationship responsive to suffering Companionship is a relationship supportive of recovery and wellness Companionship is a public relationship Companionship is a way to respond to a person is struggling with a mental health issue. Companionship builds a relationship in which we support an individual in moving toward becoming well and whole. We offer companionship in public settings, where others are present.

The Model of the Samaritan In this ancient story, a man who has been beaten and robbed lies by the edge of the road. A high religious official notices the man and passes by on the other side of the road. A second person notices the wounded man, crosses to the other side of the road and passes by. The Samaritan notices the man, stops, attends to the man’s suffering, helps him get an Inn where healing and recovery proceed. The Samaritan continues to check in on the man and support him on the journey to wellness. This is a model of companionship.

Companionship Begins with Sensitivity, Compassion and Concern Sensitivity – we pick up signals of another’s suffering through our senses Feelings of sympathy, empathy and compassion are triggered in us Concerns arise This is natural – we are made to be sensitive, compassionate and concerned We pick up the signals of suffering through our senses. We see a person who is isolated. We hear the cries of pain and frustration. We can smell the bodily odor of a person who cannot care for themselves. We can taste in our own mouth the texture and spoiled flavor of food fished from a garbage can to feed a homeless person’s hunger. We can feel on our own skin that same sun and cold that touches an individual wandering the streets, alone in their room, or stuck in a cell. Our feelings are stirred by the plight of another. We know what it is like to be isolated, forgotten, afraid. We feel in ourselves something of the sadness, the anxiety, the hopelessness, the other person is experiencing. We have compassion – literally feel with the person the hurt, the confusion, the helplessness of their situation. There may be very little if anything we can do immediately – but share the concern that arises in us. This is all natural – we are equipped to be sensitive, compassionate and concerned for our neighbor.

Five Practices of Companionship Hospitality Neighboring Sharing the journey side by side Listening Accompaniment Companionship is a way of acting on our concern for another person. The way of companionship includes five basic practices. The practice of hospitality begins with creating, in the words of Henry Nouwen, “safe space with the stranger.” Neighboring simply means meeting each other on common ground, as human beings. Rather than pushing or directing a person, or interviewing or confronting a person, we share the journey side by side, looking out at the world together. At the heart of companionship is the practice of listening to a person’s story, listening especially for the words of faith, hope and love, for the person’s spiritual story. Companions may accompany an individual to an appointment or a resource in the community or simply hold the person in thought and prayer.

Hospitality Creating safe space with another person Treating another person with dignity and respect; seeing the other person as a worthy and valuable human being Offering refreshment, nourishment, a time and place to rest We don’t have to rush right in. We can begin to create safe space with a nod and a smile – start at a little distance today, move a little closer the next time we meet, be patient in our connecting. How we greet and treat a person is part of the practice of hospitality. We can hold another person “in the light,” seeing each person as sacred, bathed in love – someone of infinite worth and value. Hospitality includes simple gestures – inviting a person to sit down, offering coffee or cold water, tea – cup and loaf, shared signs of encouragement and nurture.

Neighboring Sharing common time and space Beginning as human beings Saying a simple “hello” “I’m Craig. How do you like to be called?” Starting with what we have in common A “frameless” relationship A neighbor is some who shares time and space with us. We share something like 75% of our DNA with flatworms. Think how much we have in common as human beings. A neighbor is another human being, like us in so many ways. It is enough to say a simple hello. Companionship does not require an answer or elaborate conversation. “I’m Craig …. How do you like to be called? This is not an interview. I don’t need to know our name. I don’t have to tell you all about myself – my personal history, my background, training or work. I don’t need to know your particulars. We can start with what we have in common – things like the weather, the environment were in, the activity around us. In companionship we set aside almost all of the “frames” we often use with each other – teacher and student, customer and clerk, doctor and patient, boss and employee, driver and passenger. We step away from our positions of power and prestige, and sit with each other on two simple wooden stools. In companionship we are neighbors, basically equal.

Sharing the Journey Side by Side There are basically three ways we can be with another person: we can stand behind someone pushing and telling them where to go. we can be face to face we can share the journey side by side In companionship, we share the journey side by side, looking out at the world together. We do not see things exactly the same. The world is a little different for each of us. In companionship we learn from each other. In companionship it is not about who is right or what is better. Our basic role is to listen.

The Practice of Listening Listen for the story – whatever a person is able to tell, however they are able to tell it. present past future The heart practice of companionship is listening, hearing a person’s story – however they are able to tell it. We each have a story. Our stories have a basic form. We are in the present. We come from somewhere and we are heading into some kind of future. A person may not be able to say much at all, may be silent. That is their story in the moment. It generally helps to begin in the present in listening to a person’s story – perhaps asking simply, “how is it going?”

Tips on Listening It is a gift simply to listen Listen for the human themes and feelings Listen to yourself Take care with responses Listen over time and in community Listen for the words of faith, hope and love Listen for a person’s spiritual story Think about the last time someone just listened to you, without interrupting, or jumping in with their own stuff. It is an enormous gift simply to listen. It may not be possible to get everything a person is saying. We can pick up on the feelings and the human themes of a person’s story – people want to be safe, have friends, work, enjoy life, find answers, belong. Listen to yourself. As the other person shares their story - feelings, memories, thoughts and ideas will come up in you. We don’t have to share what’s coming up in us, but it may help us tune in to what the other is talking about. Take care with responses. Don’t assume you know. Invite the other person to “say more.” “Help me understand.” “How so?” “What is that like?” “What does that mean to you?” Be prepared to listen over time, and as the person shares their life and story with others. Listen for the words of faith, hope and love, the language of the soul. Listen for the person’s spiritual story – what is at the core of their life and identity, the religious connections and spiritual practices that are important to this individual, their understanding of others and the world, the universe and what is holy and sacred. In companionship this is perhaps the greatest gift we can offer – listening to a person’s story with an ear for how this individual sees and experiences the spirit.

The Practice of Accompaniment Naming needs “The need for charity is an opportunity for community” Consult, confirm and refer Encourage partnerships and a circle of care “Go with,” or hold the person in thought and prayer As we listen to a person’s story, an individual may begin to name specific needs – shelter, medical help, food, transportation, counseling, clothing, financial assistance. A companion could become quickly exhausted trying to meet a person’s needs. But we are companions – not taxi companies, landlords, banks, grocery stores, clinics. Our role as companions is to support a person in finding resources in the community and building an ongoing circle of care. Consult, confirm that a resource or program is appropriate. Refer. As a companion, you may meet a person at an appointment, or go with them using public transportation. Most often, we simply hold the person in our thoughts and prayers.

Limits and Boundaries Companions have limits: Physical, emotional and intellectual Personal and social Spiritual Model setting limits, keeping boundaries and working as part of team Practice saying, “I’m not able to do that.” The practices of companionship define our boundaries. Our hospitality is limited. We are neighbors, who come alongside and listen. We help a person connect with care and resources, rather than trying to meet a need ourselves.

Mutuality In companionship we move toward increasing mutuality, in a relationship marked by: deepening authenticity increasing personal responsibility an expanding circle of care growing social life and community participation renewed family, friendship and neighborhood connections Mutuality characterizes companionship from the first moment. We seek to be honest, authentic, real with each other. We model taking personal responsibility and encourage the person we are companioning to do the same. We ourselves have a circle of care and support and we support the person we are companioning to develop their own care and support network. Companionship does not encourage dependency. We celebrate with a person healthy, growing connections with others.

Companionship is a Process Companionship begins very tenderly and tentatively. We approach a person who may be isolated, wary, protective. Through the practices of companionship, we begin to build a solid one to one relationship. We encourage the person we are companioning not to become dependent upon us, but to connect with others for care and support. Companionship moves toward increasing mutuality. We each have our circle of support. We are part of the larger community.

Settings for Companionship Sabbath companions welcome and support during worship Congregational companions care for members of the faith community Community Companions serving in shelters and housing programs, drop-in centers, community meals, and centers of care and treatment At Plymouth Church in Seattle companions started by simply being present on Sunday mornings during worship and coffee hour – alert especially for the stranger coming in off the street in distress. The companionship ministry grew to include members and friends of the congregation who benefitted from one to one support in their journey with a range of mental health issues. Companionship teams also formed to be present at sites around the neighborhood that served individuals who were homeless, or in care and treatment.

Companionship Care Teams A group of several companions Companioning one or more individuals Accountable to the Congregational Mental Health Team or other leadership Meeting regularly for prayer, study, sharing and spiritual discernment Providing each other mutual support Companions, trained and organized in small care teams, provide front line, person to person support for recovery and maximizing wellness. Each companion may companion one or two persons, or the whole team may work with a single individual or family. Companions are accountable to the Mental Health Ministry team in the congregation or another appropriate leadership group. Companionship care teams meet regularly for learning and mutual support.

Companionship Support Meetings A movement into prayer or meditation A movement into scripture A movement into reflection and sharing A movement into discernment and action “In the support meeting, we companion each other.” Companions and companionship care teams are encouraged to meet regularly, at least once a month. A companionship team in a small, neighborhood congregation has developed a simple, four step spiritual support practice. The first “movement of the spirit,” is into a time of quiet, prayer and meditation. The second movement is into scripture – reading both spiritual texts and current information on mental health. A third movement is into a time of reflection and sharing. Each companion considers what he or she would like to share about their companioning experience. The group holds each companion’s witness and testimony – with out judgment or comment. This is a not a time to correct or give advice. The final movement of the meeting is into a time of discernment – a waiting on the gifts and leading of the spirit. A companion may ask for the wisdom of the group on a particular question or concern. Someone may suggest an action for the group as a whole. “We companion each other in the meeting,” says a member of the group.

Our word Our gentle gesture Our presence Is medicine This is a letter from a young man who struggled with mental illness, PTSD and addictions. “Thank you for finding me. I had given up. I didn’t think anything or anyone could help me. You said hello, when no one had spoken to me for months. I didn’t answer, but I heard you. Each time you came by and smiled and nodded, you touched my heart and my healing began.”