Marriage Series “Cultivating Healthy Marriage II” Dave Chae February 15, 2015

Creation Corruption (Fall) Christ (Redemption)

Creation 26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Creation - Man Genesis 2:5 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

Corruption - Man 17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.

18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

Creation - Woman Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Gen 1:28 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number;

Corruption - Women 16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Christ and the Church (Redemption)

Vision of Parakletes Church “To Hear from God and Do What He Says”

Mission of Parakletes Church To release followers of Jesus into all domains of society who make disciples and multiply communities of faith locally and globally.

Today’s Message How do can we cultivate a healthy marriage II? How can we move from Unsafety to Safety? How do we redeem the world through marriage?

“A great marriage primarily comes down to how people behave during the few minutes a day or week when they disagree." John Gottman

“If a couple’s disagreements include significant amounts of four behaviors (blaming, escalation, invalidation, or withdrawal), then their future is bleak.”

“If on the other hand, they learn to take time out and communicate respectfully during these few minutes, then their entire future will be far brighter.”

We can cultivate a healthy marriage by learning how to have healthy crucial conversations?

Dual Processor (content & conditions)

Conditions 1.Spotting crucial conversations 2.Signs of Unsafety (Silence & Violence) 3.Your own style under stress

Today’s Message How do we turn an unsafe conversation into a safe one that moves us toward our the common horizon – to be like Jesus?

Gospel We are more sinful than we ever imagined and more loved that we have ever thought.

Marriage/Jesus & Church Gospel Reenactment

Ephesians 5: Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit.

Ephesians 5: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church … 30 for we are members of his body.

31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Power of Marriage The Power of Marriage is when husbands and wives live out of their reverence for Christ and are filled with the Spirit who produces in them an unselfishness that can take criticism without being crushed and give criticism without being crushing.

Joseph Grenny – Crucial Conversations “Crucial conversations often go awry not because of the content of the conversation, but because others believe that the painful and pointed content means that you have a malicious intent.”

How can they feel safe when they believe you’re out to do them harm? Soon, every word out of your mouth is suspect.”

Case of the hourly employees who worked all night to prepare for a factory tour.

Apologize “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a call when I learned that we wouldn’t be coming by. You worked all night, it would have been a wonderful chance to showcase your improvements, and I didn’t even explain what happened. I apologize.”

Contrasting [The don’t part] “The last thing I wanted to do was communicate that I don’t value the work you put in or that I didn’t want to share it with the VP. [The do part] I think your work has been nothing short of spectacular.”

CRIB Commit to Mutual Purpose

Recognize the Purpose behind the Strategy

Invent a Mutual Purpose

Brainstorm New Strategies