Revision Reasons and Process

What is Revision and Why?  Revision is not just proofreading or the so- called cosmetic revision.  Revision is to "enter into a conversation with your previous thoughts." In other words, revision may involve changing your ideas and thus your self.

What is Revision and Why? (2)  No writing is perfect. Every piece of writings can be revised. However, sometimes it's not easy for the writers to see their own problems or limitations. That’s why you need a second or third opinion.  For jurnior English majors, moreover, it's important to learn how to revise without a teacher's help and with the help of your peers.

Revision: How?  three stages: 1. Rethinking; 2. Reshaping; 3. Copy-editing.

Rethinking  1.Reseeing/rethinking: changing what a piece says or its "bones."  -- What is your essay about? What do you want do about it and for what? -- Are you ready to challenge yourself? Are you able to take another perspective to look at the same issue? Do you have anything to add to it?

Rethinking: examples  Analysis: Will The New Morning-After-Pill Put Down The High Abortion Rate In Taiwan?  Reasons for high abortion rates: 1. the lack or twisted knowledge about birth control and STDs; 2. the social morality people still hold about sex and marriage. * Title and content on two different matters.

Rethinking: examples (2)  Analysis: Women Shouldn’t Be Too Impatient to Wait and Ask for Too Many Seats in Politics -- it is unnecessary for women to ask for the political seats in a strong and tough attitude because some needless problem may derive from the quarrel, as might arouse turmoil and lead our country to a troubled situation. Only peace can help our politics make progress and guide us citizens to a better world. -- What is politics?

Rethinking: examples (3)  Analysis: The Third One in a Love Relationship  If they truly love each other so much, how could there be space left for a third person to come out in their relationship?  For “the third person,” successfully owning the one they love is not really that good as it shows. The fear of their spouse someday may love someone else would always follow them because this is the way they have each other.

Rethinking: examples (4)  Analysis: enjo kosai in Japan.  1> One par. on brand names  2> Aside from the problem of lacking pocket money, now there is another big reason why girls need money so badly. They need money to buy cute and nice mobile phones and also to pay for the bills.  3> social emphasis on money.  4> phone date club ; 5>. Funs;  6> vicious circle; 7> sex as a way to earn money

What do you think?  青少年和過去婦女一樣，有著進入公領域自由 社交與交際的有形與無形限制，隨著青少年解 放、青少年人權與性權等論述的增長 [6] ，促進 青少年自由交際與交往，反對剝奪青少年性自 由，成為一種新的年齡意識（正如促進婦女自 由交際與交往，反對剝奪婦女性自由，成為一 種性別意識一樣）。青少年的援助交際正如成 人的交際一樣，開創青少年許多人生機會，並 且有助於不同年齡團體的互動。 [6]  (source: s/enjo/jointercourse.htm ) s/enjo/jointercourse.htm

Re-Thinking: example (5) infatuation, fondness and love  Fondness or infatuation-- the immature but magical emotion that brings a person up side down like taking a roller coaster. Insecure, but memorable  Love -- more “family” like and reliable, but it may also be lack of stimulant and variety. However, the “happiness” from love is also precious. Love may very often starts from fondness, and I don’t think fondness disappear in the process of developing love.

Re-Thinking: example (6) Phantoms in the dark water  They move aimlessly and forget their own existence.  Finally, they are like resplendent phantoms in the dark water.

Restructuring 1. Reworking, reshaping; changing how a piece says it or changing its "muscle." -- How is your essay presented? And for whom? -- Do you need a new introduction? A better conclusion? Are the ideas logically and interestingly presented? Do you need more concrete details (description, dialogue, ) or examples?

Restructuring: examples 1. Analysis of 傾城之戀︰ Is two-page plot summary necessary? Can plot be incorporated into the analysis (i.e. the analysis of re-definition of the places: Shanghai, HongKong, 城 and wall).

Restructuring: examples (2)  Narrative Introduction: He was German with the last name, “Schönleben”. Schönleben in English means “Beautiful Life”. The name and the person somehow influenced me a lot, for he shared his life and experience with me and provided me another point of view to look at the life. During the most difficult time in my life, he gave me the strength to overcome the obstacles and helped me to see the road in my life. He comforted me when I was in low spirits. He was not a hero or a saint, but for me he was the best friend in my heart who lives in the other side of the world.

Restructuring: examples (3)  Narrative Childhood at Da-Li  1. Scenery;  2. Boyish games; falling sleep on the road; The dog (It is a pity that eleven little dogs died because of sickness after a stormy night. I felt very sorry about their dead because of my carelessness. )  3. Garden  4. Grass with snakes  5. Going to her mother;  6. Never again. Temporal order; find a central theme: lonely adventures in nature?

Copyediting 1. Copyediting or proofreading for mechanics and usage; checking for deviations from standard conventions or changing the writing's "skin." -- Is your language correct and effective? -- Are there run-on sentences and problematic sentence constructions? Can sentences be combined in a better way? Are there other types of grammatic errors and usage problems? Are there typos?

more creative types of revision 1. Narrative: changing the point of view; focusing on just one of the moments, giving a different ending. 2. Expository essays: Change the tone of your argument (e.g. from serious to comic or ironic); add a story or some creative writing to your piece. 3. Mixing or changing rhetoric modes: turn your expository essay into a fiction with the same point; do a collage of argumentation and fictive writings; add in pictures and other visual materials.

Requirements: 1. Step by Step and each stage takes one week: Go through the above three stages with the help of your groupmates in the first draft and partner in the second; after the first stage, write up an outline for your partner and teacher. 2. Writing journal: keep a writing journal to record what you feel at each stage and examine if you are capable of doing revision with the help of peer comments.

Requirements: (2) Cover sheet:  What the paper is about and how it is presented  Your writing process,  Acknowledgement of help received.  Due dates:  Second draft 5/24;  Third:6/7 1. End product: 1.an essay with a two- page cover sheet; or a web page with a short introduction. Sample format; sample writing.Sample formatsample writing 2.Writing journal– one entry of your third journal; 3.Peer comments as you go through the three stages.