Dave Malone Quest Oklahoma Christian University 2007

How to deal effectively with brothers and sisters who disengage? How to deal effectively with brothers and sisters who also re-enter?

4 Keys for Effectiveness: Individuals and/or Congregations practice a theology of ministry like Jesus – We are His proactive family. Begin by building a Christian Community from the inside out. Build levels and/or stages for this ministry with God from active to inactive, then on to the disengaged and to all who may re-enter.

4 Keys for Effectiveness: The Lord knows those who are his (Num. 16:5; 2 Tim. 2:9), so we are not in charge of this ministry! His grace fills us and the disengaged! This is Grace-in-Advance! Those who re-enter usually design their own re-entry like the younger son did (Lk.15) when they know they are safe – belonging to real Christian community!

Assimilate New Members -- Assimilation is mainly relational. It relates with family, friends, Bible classes, small groups and all kinds of different glue for belonging. Involvement is more task-oriented. It relates to roles, gifts, passions – various ministries. New members will always be somewhere between these two poles. So, use Both to build Christian community! Remember what Jesus asked Peter three times at breakfast!

Relationship needs call for the opportunity to know and be known. Bible classes are a starting point only. Small groups cover a range from facing one another in a circle with heart-to-heart intimacy to ministry groups that grow with shared service. Assimilation and/or involvement are just first steps for building Christian community toward forgiving and real unity.

Disengagement Prevention Processes: 1) Connect with C-5 (Community) and serve needs (children, etc.) to build C-4 Crowd. 2) Tell the story of Jesus with C-4 Crowd to begin disciple-making steps to be C-3 Congregation. 3) Assimilate C-3 Congregation into C-2 Committed by love, encouragement and involvement with others and tasks. 4) Involve C-2 Committed into C-1 Core with opportunities to serve others as Jesus Christ and learn to forgive and self-disclose.

Spiritual Transformation Processes: 1) Co-labor with God to plant His seed in the hearts of C-5 Community to become C-4 Crowd. 2) Co-labor as God births a C-4 Crowd into C-3 Congregation, a very dependent disciple. 3) We co-labor with God and continue to water and feed a disciple in C-3 to mature into the image of Jesus with love and care to a C-2 Committed, an interdependent disciple. 4) With prayer and support God uses us to equip a C-2 Committed to C-1 Core in serving others like Barnabas did with John Mark.

Self-disclosure comes with Safety: Trust comes with shared experiences and dynamic relationships grow even unplanned! As God appears among us, we risk and self- disclose (Matthew 18:20). Remember Peter and his betrayal – then his later changes. Confession comes where we are safe enough to self-disclose. Jesus asked Peter before some who recalled what Peter had done earlier. We reconcile in Christian community like Peter, and Jesus in Jn. 21. So, our unity grows inside His family, a safe, forgiving community.

Disengagement happens at any point: 1) C-1 Core members disengage as well as C- 5, 4, 3, or 2. (Remember Demas.) 2) There will be loss and grief – whether there is any anxiety or not. (Older Brother.) 3) Closeness soon becomes distance. 4) Distrust becomes stronger than trust. 5) Re-entry often happens in a new congregation. (Unless woman finds coin.) 6) Learning to love, forgive, accept and grow on is at the heart of being like Jesus or Barnabas or Paul.

Assimilate Members who re-enter-- Assimilation is mainly relational. It relates with family, friends, Bible classes, small groups and all kinds of different glue for belonging. Involvement is more task-oriented. It relates to roles, gifts, passions – various ministries. New members will always be somewhere between these two poles. So, use Both to build Christian community! Remember what Jesus asked Peter three times at breakfast!

Relationship needs call for the opportunity to know and be known. Bible classes are a starting point only. Small groups cover a range from facing one another in a circle with heart-to-heart intimacy to ministry groups that grow with shared service. Assimilation and/or involvement are just first steps for building Christian community toward forgiving and real unity.

Spiritual Transformation Processes: 1) Co-labor with God to plant His seed in the hearts of C-5 Community to become C-4 Crowd. 2) Co-labor as God births a C-4 Crowd into C-3 Congregation, a very dependent disciple. 3) We co-labor with God and continue to water and feed a disciple in C-3 to mature into the image of Jesus with love and care to a C-2 Committed, an interdependent disciple. 4) With prayer and support God uses us to equip a C-2 Committed to C-1 Core in serving others like Barnabas did with Timothy.

Uniquely Male Needs: A model for this approach is found in a book by Tom Eisenman, The Accountable Man. This male relationship is freely developed out of faith and a friendship of two, three or more brothers. This accountability is chosen freely.

A Congregational ministry to Call and Care for all: Pick up the take home of assumptions by Lyle Schaller. He gives 15 assumptions. John Savage developed a support system for dealing with the pain and celebration. Take home an outline for this training event. Adopt the four keys mentioned upfront before launching such a ministry for real healing.

Planning for Re-entry: In Luke 15, Jesus tells three stories of celebration: Lost sheep, coin and son. Celebration happens after loss and disengagement at re-entry. Shepherds search for sheep and women search for dowry coins. The Father gained a lost son and learned of the son who could not celebrate! He wants us to join him.

God bless: You and yours! Your ministries! And the Body of Christ to reflect the forgiveness, grace and love of God to one another, the church and our world today!