Psychology of Human Relations and Adjustment DMACC, Summer, 2006 Jim Wilwerding, M.Div., M.A., LMHC, CADC, NCC

Personal Growth and Change  Being your own “best person”  Who Am I?  How much of myself do I share with others?  How much am I interested in other people’s stories?

Life is a journey, not a destination

“The unexamined life is not worth living”-- Socrates

A Model of Personal Growth  Common Characteristics of healthy, happy, more fully-functioning individuals An ability to accept oneself and others An efficient perception of reality Close, caring interpersonal relationships Autonomy and Independence A strong ethical sense Willingness to continue to grow as a person

Feedback and Disclosure  In order to understand ourselves more fully, we need feedback from other people  In order to get effective feedback, we must allow other people to know us

Self-Disclosure  Revealing the inner-self  The more I know about you and you know about me, the more effective our relationship can become  Self-disclosure involves a set of skills— knowing what, to whom, when etc. is important

Why Self-Disclose?  Self-disclosure allows me to define myself rather than be defined by the other person’s assumptions  As I choose to self-disclose, I learn information and gain insights about myself  As a step in relationship building, self-disclosure allows me to get acquainted with you and for us to build trust within our relationship  As that trust grows, closeness and intimacy can develop

Risks  “If I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and that is all that I have” – John Powell  To share who I am, I am choosing to risk rejection

Benefits However, disclosure builds trust with and by the other person Self-disclosure promotes mental health—the more I know and can share myself, the less likely I am to hold onto shame We can gain self-validation through our disclosure Self-disclosure can also allow us more social control and impression management

The Johari Window  Developed in 1969 by Joseph Luft (Jo) and Harry Ingram (hari)  A model to explore the “total you” and to increase your openness and self knowledge.

Loneliness  Loneliness occurs when a person has fewer interpersonal relationships than desired or when the relationships are not as satisfying as desired.  Loneliness is a feeling of longing and emptiness that is caused by a lack of emotional attachment or social ties.

Loneliness  Most prevalent among: Teenagers Unmarried young adults The Divorced The Widowed  Also related to societal emphasis on self-fulfillment, instability in relationships and commitment to others.

Relationships  Healthy relationships provide: 1. Emotional attachments—knowledge that no matter what happens, there will be someone around to care for and help us. Sources of emotional attachments include:  Parents  A best friend or significant other  A confidant  Inanimate objects (teddy bears, dolls, blankets)  Belief systems

Relationships Social Ties—a feeling of belonging—that we are part of a group and have an identity We find these ties first through our belonging to a family, clan, etc. Later, we choose social ties by joining other groups (i.e., Scouts, sports, clubs, etc.) and possibly through forming a new family

Shyness  The tendency to withdraw from people particularly unfamiliar people. This includes feelings, physical reactions and thoughts  Consequences of shyness include: Becoming self-conscious Difficulty becoming acquainted to new people Keeps one from experiencing new situations Prevents a person from expressing him/herself

Perceptions  PERCEPTION IS REALITY  Perception is our own interpretation and organization of the information we have gathered from the situation  Our perception of people affects our impressions, understanding and interaction with others

Stereotyping and Prejudice  Stereotype—a preconceived set of beliefs about individuals or groups  Prejudice—prejudging a person or group of people prior to having all known information.

Inaccurate Social Perceptions  Stereotyping  First Impressions  Categorizing  Attribution Error

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy  When a person’s expectations of an event make the outcome more likely to happen  Much of how we operate is based upon the expectations we convey—people will generally live up to or down to our expectations for them

Expectations  Positive or negative, our expectations generally become our reality through Confirmation Bias  Confirmation Bias—Our current thoughts or beliefs about ourselves get continuously reinforced. We tend to accept information that confirms our beliefs and reject information that disproves or goes against what we already believe to be true.

Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours --Richard Bach

Image—how others perceive me  Impression Management—our conscious effort to present ourselves in socially desirable ways. Behavioral modeling—matching our behaviors to the person’s with whom we are interacting Positive non-verbal cues—smile, direct eye contact, etc. Present favorable self-image Conform to situational norms Show appreciation of others and flatter them Be consistent Be creative

Developing New Relationships  Four steps to initiate new relationships Communication—make contact, conversation that invites a response, etc. Exposing yourself—let yourself be seen and known by the other person Social Skills—remember that relationships involve a set of skills Classes—communication, human relations, assertiveness, etc. are skills that can assist you in making new relationships.

Cultural Differences  “When I meet someone from another culture, I behave in the way that is natural to me, while the other behaves in the way that is natural to him or her. The only problem is that our ‘natural’ ways to not coincide.” --Raymonde Carroll