ELIMINATING STRESS AND BUILDING HEALTHY SPOUSAL/PARTNERSHIP AND SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS Tools For Transformation April 11, 2015

Fran Goldfarb, MA, MCHES, CPSP Director, Family Support USC UCEDD CHLA Parent

We can’t eliminate stress; nor do we want to. However we can minimize the negative impact of stress.

But sometimes we forget that our child with a disability isn’t the only person in the family… it is important to Take care of everyone, Especially you

The Facility of the Airplane Analogy

Caregivers Need to Take Care of Themselves Family caregivers are less likely than non- caregivers to practice preventive healthcare and self-care behavior. Regardless of age, sex, and race and ethnicity, caregivers report problems attending to their own health and well- being while managing care-giving responsibilities.

Caregivers Need to Take Care of Themselves They report: – sleep deprivation – poor eating habits – failure to exercise – failure to stay in bed when ill – postponement of or failure to make medical appointments.

TAKING CARE OF RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship Risk? Recent research has shown that contrary to previous thought, there isn’t a higher divorce rate among parents of children with special needs All relationships need nurturing Stress can strain the fabric of any marriage

Siblings These brothers and sisters will be in the lives of family members with special needs longer than anyone. Brothers and sisters will be there after parents are gone and special education services are a distant memory. If they are provided with support and information, they can help their sibs live dignified lives from childhood to their senior years. Throughout their lives, brothers and sisters share many of the concerns that parents of children with special needs experience, including isolation, a need for information, guilt, concerns about the future, and caregiving demands. Brothers and sisters also face issues that are uniquely theirs including resentment, peer issues, embarrassment, and pressure to achieve. What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know

STRATEGIES FOR THE RIDE

Caregiver Self Care Put yourself first, Manage stress, Socialize Get help Caring to the End – Princess Margaret Hospital

Tips Be a “good enough” parent

Tips Use respite

Tips Be a team

Tips Watch out for signs of depression

Tips Accept help

Tips Learn the difference between caring and doing.

Tips Trust your instincts. Most of the time they will lead you in the right direction.

Tips Grieve for your losses, and then allow yourself to dream new dreams.

Tips Seek support

Tips Have a Expanded Vocabulary of Emotions 1/7/

Tips Bag Full of Marbles or Basket of Kittens?

How Do You Gather a Basket Full of Kittens? One Kitten at a Time

What's On Your Plate must docould do don’t have to do let someone else do I must do

1. Priorities

Signs You May Need More Help Feeling overwhelmed Sleeping too much or too little Gaining or losing a lot of weight Feeling tired most of the time Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy Becoming easily irritated or angered Feeling constantly worried Often feeling sad Frequent headaches, bodily pain, or other physical problems Abuse of alcohol or drugs, including prescription drugs WomensHealth.gov

Resources ARCH – National Respite Network and Resource Center Disability.gov ers ers Family Caregiver Alliance National Alliance for Caregivers National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) The Unplanned Journey Sibling Leadership Network Sibling Support Project