Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. written by Bridget Melton, Georgia Southern University Lecture Outline Chapter 5 Healthy Relationships: Communicating Effectively with Friends, Family, and Significant Others

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Objectives Discuss ways to improve communication skills and interpersonal interactions. Identify the characteristics of successful relationships, including how to maintain them and overcome common barriers. Explore similarities and differences between men and women in communication styles and decision making. Examine factors that are important in determining the success of an intimate relationship, and where to get help when a relationship has problems. Discuss actions that can improve interpersonal interactions. Examine factors that affect life decisions, such as whether to have children.

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Forming Intimate Relationships Characteristics of intimate relationships Behavioral interdependence Need fulfillment Emotional attachment Emotional availability Intimate relationships are a means of need fulfillment. Intimacy Social integration Nurturance Assistance Affirmation

How Intimate Is a Relationship? Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Being Self-Nurturant Accountability Responsible for your own decisions, choices, and actions Self-nurturance Realistic appreciation of self-worth and ability

Families: The Ties that Bind Family of origin comprises the people present in the household during a child’s first years of life. Nuclear family consists of parents and their offspring. Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Establishing Friendships What makes a good friendship? Enjoyment Acceptance Respect Mutual assistance Confiding Understanding Spontaneity

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Significant Others, Partners, Couples Along with the characteristics of friendship, love relationships include these characteristics: Fascination: paying attention to the other person at the expense of other activities Exclusiveness: giving the love relationship priority over all others Sexual desire: desiring physical intimacy and wanting to touch, hold, and engage in sexual activities with each other Giving the utmost: providing unlimited support when the other is in need, sometimes to the point of extreme sacrifice Being a champion or advocate: actively championing each other’s interests

Common Bonds of Friends and Lovers Figure 5.1 Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

This Thing Called Love Two types of love Companionate or mature Passionate or lust Triangular Theory of Love Intimacy Passion Decision and commitment Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Activity Break: Turn to a Partner In groups of two to three, answer the following questions. Is there only one right person for everyone? How does society promote this soul mate notion? How do we encourage children, adolescents, and ourselves to believe there may be more than one person who would be a suitable partner? How do we distinguish between lust and love? How do we distinguish between fantasy (media, books, etc.) and reality?

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. How Perception Affects Communication Perception is the process by which people filter and interpret information from the senses to create a meaningful picture of the world. Factors that affect self-perception Self-concept Self-esteem

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Improving Your Communication Skills Learn appropriate self-disclosure. Get to know yourself. Become more accepting of yourself. Be willing to discuss your sexual history—with your partner of course. Choose a safe context for self-disclosure.

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Improving Your Communication Skills (cont.) Be a better listener. Competitive, or combative, listening: more interested in promoting our own point of view Passive, or attentive, listening: genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view Active, or reflective, listening: active in confirming our understanding before responding with our own new message

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal communication includes all unwritten and unspoken messages, both intentional and unintentional. Touch Gesture Interpersonal space Facial expressions Body language Tone of voice

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Managing Conflict Conflict is an emotional state that arises when the behavior of one person interferes with the behavior of another. Conflict-resolution strategies Identify the problem or issues. Generate several possible solutions. Decide on the best solution. Implement the solution. Follow up.

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Gender Issues in Relationships Genderlect is differences in word choices, interruption patterns, questioning patterns, language interpretations and misinterpretations, and vocal influences that are based on gender. Understanding gender differences in communication patterns is the first step toward promoting effective communication.

Troubles Talk: How Men and Women Respond: Men Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Troubles Talk: How Men and Women Respond: Women Figure 5.3b Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Activity Break: Match.com Ad Get in all-male or all-female groups of four to five. Create an online ad for Match.com (3 to 4 minutes). After your group has come up with a list, please put it on the board; no need to repeat qualities.

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Picking Partners Influenced by more than just chemical and psychological processes Proximity Similarities Reciprocity Physical attraction

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Jealousy in Relationships Jealousy is an aversive reaction evoked by a real or imagined relationship involving one’s partner and a third person. Overdependence on the relationship Severity of the threat High value on sexual exclusivity Low self esteem Fear of losing control

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. Committed Relationships Marriage Monogamy Serial monogamy Open relationship Cohabitation Common-law marriage Gay and lesbian partnerships

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. ABC News Video: Jilted Brides Bounce Back Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc. | Jilted Brides Bounce Back Discussion Questions 1.Which of the brides do you think had the healthiest reaction? What do you think is the best way to deal with a negative event such as being left at the altar? 2.In what ways does communication support a relationship? What happens when communication falters, and what are strategies that can be used to overcome communication problems?

Staying Single Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Success in Relationships Confronting couples issues Changing gender roles: Modern society has very few gender-specific roles. Sharing power: Dynamics between men and women changed as women began enjoying their own financial success. Unmet expectations: Not communicating our expectations can lead to disappointment and hurt.

Effects of Women’s Age and Ethnicity on Marriage Success Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Effects of Women’s Age and Ethnicity on Marriage Success (cont.) Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

When and Why Relationships End Divorce rates have been estimated to be 50 percent; however, this is misleading. The U.S. divorce rate is 41 percent and decreasing. Factors that influence divorce include: Age: Younger couples are more likely to not succeed. Socioeconomic scale: The lower they are on the SES, the higher the likelihood of divorce. Family history: Those with divorce in the family have a higher tolerance for divorce. Children: Those with children often try to hang on to an “unhealthy” situation.

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Elements of Healthy Relationships Trust Predictability Dependability Faith Behavior interpretation in the context of the relationship Like your partner Sexual intimacy Shared and cherished history

Copyright © 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.

Having Children or Not? Children are expensive One child costs an estimated $250,000 to raise from birth to 17 years. Eighty percent of mothers work outside the home. Children from a previous marriage Add dynamics, can lead to stress Work, school, chores, and family obligations = FATIGUE