Romantic Relationships

Dating  Watch this clip:  z0 z0

Love What the world generally refers to as love is an intense emotionality combining physical attraction, possessiveness, control, addiction, eroticism, and novelty. David R. Hawkins Power Vs Force, pg71.

Love Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Robert Heinlein

Love

Relationships  The Elements of Attraction  Proximity  Those similar to us  Projection  Believing our desired one carries the traits we want  Bargaining (someone in your league)

Relationships  The role of sex in attraction, although discussed in early psychological theories, is underestimated.  Sex Affects Your Thinking, and You Don’t Seem to Care Sex Affects Your Thinking, and You Don’t Seem to Care  People prefer to believe in mystical reasons for their attraction than their more base drives.

Attraction  Early childhood relationships  Attachment Style  Secure  Anxious  Avoidant  Influences how we behave in relationships.  Although often consistent over relationships, it can change in regard to the power differential in the relationship.  Seinfeld, Upper Hand, And Relationship Attachment Style Seinfeld, Upper Hand, And Relationship Attachment Style

Love

Attraction  Memory, Familiarity, and its impact on picking a partner (A General Theory of Love)  Alcohol issues, abusive partners  How this attraction can be counterproductive  “Crazy” in love  How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction to People Who Are Good for You How to Develop Sexual and Romantic Attraction to People Who Are Good for You

Relationships  Drama:  Many say they want a drama free relationship, yet their behavior demonstrates otherwise.  They become bored in healthy, stable relationships.  They may cheat:  To bring excitement  Because they want the passion that comes with a new relationship.  They may report not being “in love” with their partner anymore.

Relationships  The Real Reason Many Get Married:  Possession  To be a Princess or Prince for a Day  Cultural Influences  We are programmed from an early age to believe marriage is the norm, a way to happiness, an expectation.  It has almost become a competition  Bigger diamonds, weddings, etc.  Why You Really Want To Get Married Why You Really Want To Get Married

Relationships  Companionship  Life partner  Someone to make life easier, to travel with us  This is at least beneficial to men:  Statistics indicate men live longer when married.  Women have slight health benefits, when in a happy marriage.  How to Pick Your Life Partner How to Pick Your Life Partner

Relationships  Compensation  Many believe opposites attract  Although we tend to marry those similar to us…  Often personality traits are opposed  This can help bring one into a more balanced personality.

Soul Mates Our survey from 2011 indicated approximately 75% of those surveyed (the largest population was female college students) believe in the idea of a Soul Mate. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, including the expectation of a “super relationship”.

Making Relationships Work  Understand some of the differences between men and women.  Empathy versus Solution focus

Empathy Vs. Solution Focus  Watch this clip:  4EDhdAHrOg 4EDhdAHrOg

Making Relationships Work  Have realistic expectations for the relationship and your partner.  Remain Present in the relationship.  Be With Me Or Let Me Be Be With Me Or Let Me Be  Avoid falling into parental roles.  When Men Are Boys and Wives Are Mothers When Men Are Boys and Wives Are Mothers

Making Relationships Work  Be honest in your relationship  Full disclosure may not be necessary, but honesty is imperative to a healthy ongoing relationship.  Secrets kill relationships  Do not become too secure  Security can lead to taking another for granted.  If you remain mildly anxious about the state of your relationship, you will work harder at it.

Making Relationships Work  Commit to working on things.  Our culture has led to an emphasis on immediate gratification.  Relationships have ups and downs, but some exit when the relationship is in a down.  Relationships take work, and patience. If you want a relationship to last you must commit to working on it.

The Blurry Line of Love  Where does acting out of Love end, and being a sucker begin?  Do many in this culture even know what Love, in the romantic sense, means?  How do we balance the complete idea of Love, with the independence and ego ideal we also desire?

A Few More Words on Love  May discussed there being four types of love, and happy relationship being based on all four:  Sex, Eros, Philia, and Agape  But few are able to attain and maintain this.

A Few More Words on Love & Relationships…  Ego versus Agape / Metta Love  Our ego allows us to function in reality  Our experiences, culture, exposure to the “stories” of love, are part of our ego, and color our idea of what we deserve.  These forces struggle against our natural desire to love purely  Love’s Tug Of War Love’s Tug Of War

A Few More Words on Love & Relationships…  Our selfish desires…  To be cared for as much as we believe we should be  To get what we want  To be the most important thing in our others life  Our insecurities  Our fear of being made a fool of  All get in the way of what love can really be.  We have to learn to balance these conflicting desires for ego fulfillment and for agape love

To Sum Up  Relationships take work.  And although you may want to cling to your old beliefs and discard some of what was presented, it may serve you better to alter your expectations, suspend your “story” and try to look at things objectively.

Love Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take." ~ Anthony Robbins

Love Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. Anais Nin