Bob Brinker, M.A. Parent and Community Education Specialist Engaging Fathers Bob Brinker, M.A. Parent and Community Education Specialist

“Childrearing advice has always been dispensed as if men and women look at parenting through the same lens – or with the basic assumption that only mothers would be listening anyway..…. Parenting advice is really a euphemism for ‘mothering advice.” Why Parents Disagree Dr. Ron Taffel

Golden Rule “If we hope to attract, engage, and retain fathers we must honor the differences between moms and dads, acknowledging these differences as just that, differences without implying that one style of parenting should be preferred over the other.”

Parenting Styles Stronger focus on behavior Rough and tumble play Dad's Style Mom’s Style Stronger focus on behavior Rough and tumble play Big Picture/down the road Teaching about life(problem solving approach) Stronger focus on the relationship Calmer, relaxed form of play Details/here and now Teaching about emotions and empathy

Father Friendly Programming Why – critical to program success Why – leads to happy, well-adjusted children and families Why – you will more effectively engage fathers and strengthen families and communities Why – children are less likely to engage in drugs, drop out of school, live in poverty, engage in sexual activity.

Father Friendly Check-Up National Fatherhood Initiative www.fatherhood.org Leadership development Organizational development Program development Community engagement

Keys to Effective Father Engagement

“What I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand.” Confucius

Belief System Dads matter. Dads and moms are different Children want and need their fathers. Fathers come in different situations and circumstances. Father’s role is greatly influenced by culture. An absent/noninvolved father does not necessarily. indicate a lack of love towards his children.

Dad’s Matter “One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” George Herbert “Like father, like son.” Latin Proverb “You have to dig deep to bury your father.” Gypsy Proverb

Dad’s Matter “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” Theodore Hesburg “Don’t be the man you think you should be. Be the father you wished you had.” Letty C. Pogrebin

Divorced/separated dads Deployed/military dads Fathers Single dads Married dads Divorced/separated dads Incarcerated dads Deployed/military dads Foster/adoptive dads Stepdads Teen dads

Barriers to Father Involvement What keeps dads away?

Roadblocks to Father Involvement Mothers as gatekeepers Lack of confidence in parenting skills Children to other relationships Culture/societal expectations Lack of problems Incarceration Personal problems Finances Distance Deployment Emotional pain

Papa’s got a brand new excuse Fresh Prince Papa’s got a brand new excuse

Inadequate Fathering Absent father Disengaged/uninvolved father Abusive father Critical father

A Father’s Job Description Defining fatherhood

The Good Father

The Bad Father

Fathers Provide Protect Nurture Teach

Working with Fathers What works?

Five Principles The ability to parent successfully is a learned set of behaviors. Mothers and fathers parent differently using their unique gifts that can be referred to as mothering and fathering. There all universal aspects of fathering that exist in all cultures. Any father, given a chance, can be a great father and parent. The facilitator is critical to the program’s success.

Bob’s Guide for Working with Dads

Honor their Knowledge and Strengths Life experiences. Dealt with adversity (hear their stories). Use a strength-based solution-focused model (what’s working). Help them know that they are important. Create a vision (“I have a dream!”). Support them in their quest. Celebrate their successes.

Make it Fun and Interactive Men disclose and share more while doing!

It’s More than a Parenting Program Redefining Fatherhood

The Great Santini

Healing the father wounds Satisfying our father hunger Help Men Heal Healing the father wounds Satisfying our father hunger

“If you build it, he will come!” Field of Dreams “If you build it, he will come!”

“Forgiveness is giving up your hope for a different past.” There’s wisdom in the wound.

Sharing Our Wisdom

Bob Brinker ParentWISE of FSWP 211 Huff Ave., Suite 1 Greensburg, PA 15601 724-837-5410 ext. 704 brinkerb@fswp.org