Chapter 14: Rebuilding: Family Life Following Divorce

Aftermath of Divorce: Transitions Binuclear Family Separate households that form after separation or divorce Two subsystems Maternal Paternal Replace old patterns of interaction with new Replace existing family boundaries with new ones

Former Spouse Relationships Perfect Pals Divorced parents who remain friends Children benefit from shared parenting and decision making Sometimes maintain extended family relationships

Former Spouse Relationships Cooperative Colleagues Not friends but able to cooperate Work to keep conflicts at a minimum Shared parenting becomes a priority Will consult counselors to help children

Former Spouse Relationships Angry Associates Anger is integral part of the relationship Harbor feelings of resentment, bitterness Children are caught in the middle of parents’ battles Effective parenting is not a goal for these parents

Former Spouse Relationships Fiery Foes Incapable of cooperating Relationship is marked by litigation Unable to remember anything positive about the marriage Blame each other for every problem associated with the marriage

Former Spouse Relationships Dissolved Duos Break off any contact One partner just disappears Mother left with the burdens of reorganizing the family In rare cases, non-custodial parent may kidnap children

How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents Externalizing difficulties Children may exhibit the following: Aggressive misbehaviors Noncompliance Disobedience Delinquency Increased absences from school Increased aggressiveness

How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents Internalizing Difficulties Results in emotional problems such as: Worry Feelings of unhappiness Anxiety Depression Distress Guilt Poor self concept Less intimacy with parents

How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents Cognitive Deficits and Academic Difficulties Children who experience their parent’s divorce have more difficulty in the classroom Inability to concentrate in school Negative effects on their ability to meet scholastic expectations May affect ability to interact with teachers and peers

Table 14.1: Children’s Reaction to Divorce by Developmental Stage

Children’s and Adolescents Adaptation Interparental Conflict Will account for more negative outcomes in children Separation from attachment figure May trigger difficulties in interpersonal relationships – friendships and love relationships

Children’s and Adolescents Adaptation Temporal influences Passage of time may play a role in children’s long-term adjustment Child’s age at time of divorce affects overall adjustment

Figure 14.1: in the textbook is Custodial Mothers, by Race

Relationship Between Custodial Parent and Child Custodial Parents’ Behavior Changes Less frequent display of affection Ability to communicate declines Parenting may be more negative, less consistent Children assume household responsibilities Children exhibit greater independence

Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child Success or failure of relationship depends on Frequency of visitation Quality of interaction

Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child Remarriage of parent Children feel stress Have to face more adjustments Visitation may decrease

Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child Family Economics Economic hardship is post-divorce for many families Child support is rarely sufficient to meet the living expenses of mother and children

Co-Parenting in Binuclear Families Factors Impacting Parenting post divorce Parents’ education level Income level Time elapsed since divorce Remarriage of on or both parents Who initiated the divorce The legal process of the divorce

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce Children who experience a warm post-divorce relationship with their fathers have Higher self esteem Fewer behavioral problems Better social skills Better cognitive skills Better academic skills

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce Noncustodial fathers tend to be More permissive A recreational, companion father Less sensitive to children’s emotional needs Less supportive in times of crisis and stress Overwhelmed with the parenting role especially with infants and pre-school children

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce Overall, divorced fathers Spend more time with sons than daughters Are less involved with older children than younger children Are more involved with their first born than their later born children Stay involved with infants born prematurely Stay involved with children with difficult temperaments

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce Ways in which mothers discourage children’s contact with noncustodial fathers Children not ready when father comes to pick them up Engage in conflicts at time of pick up Criticize noncustodial father in front of children Increase geographical distance Take fathers back and forth to court

Challenges for Single Parents Changes in Household Finances A significant number of households with children headed by mothers live in poverty Changes in Residence Because of changes in finance family no longer able to live in pre-divorce home Changes in Boundaries Once shared parenting roles now are covered independently by each parent

Challenges for Single Parents Changes in the emotional environment Divorce hurts all parties involved Mothers have to assume all authority and responsibility Fathers have difficulty managing the emotional climate

Challenges for Single Parents Dating Many newly single individuals rush into dating Dating fills void of loss of family Dating helps return to normalcy 50% will remarry within three years

Remarriage Remarriage – when one or both of the spouses have been previously married Early remarriage – refers to early stages of the new relationship Stepfamily – newly merged family

Remarriage Middle remarriage: 3–5 years into the new relationship, family becomes more cohesive Late remarriage: 6–10 years after the remarriage

Remarriage Stability 60% of remarriages end in divorce Couples do not understand identity of step family There is a breakdown in commitment, cohesion, and communication

Step Families Today Blended families – term used to soften negative connotations of step family Biological mother/stepfather Biological father/stepmother Complex stepfamily Joint biological-stepfamily

Table 14.2: Types of Stepfamilies

Table 14.3: The Ways that Stepfamilies and Nuclear Families Differ

Children in Stepfamily Households Siblings - share the same two biological parents Stepsiblings - not biologically related but parents are married to one another Half-siblings - share one biological child Mutual child - child is born to remarried couple Residential stepchildren - live in remarried couples’ household majority of time Nonresidential stepchildren - live in the household less than half time

Stepfamily Characteristics Loss of parent or partner Adults grieve losses of partner, the marital relationship, dreams, and those associated with new “everythings” Children grieve losses of parent, stability, parent’s accessibility, and fantasy family

More Stepfamily Characteristics Children are members of two or more households Family boundaries are ambiguous Family roles are ambiguous Disparity of individual, marital and family life cycles Several loyalty conflicts Society promotes widespread negative connotation of stepfamilies Experience more stress than nuclear families

Stepfamily Challenges Challenges for Adults Financial difficulties Establishing discipline Bonding as a couple Grieving past losses

Stepfamily Challenges Challenges for Children Loss of power and control Guilt Loyalty conflicts Anger Fear

Successful Stepfamily Living Key characteristics of families who successfully adapt to the changes of divorce and remarriage Develop realistic expectations Allow time for mourning Couples nurture a strong relationship Accept that becoming a stepparent takes time

Successful Stepfamily Living Stepparents develop the role of disciplinarian Develop a stepfamily history Work cooperatively with the absent parent