1 Intimacy Chapter 10

What do we mean by intimacy? xAwue7Fs xAwue7Fs 2

Why Is Intimacy an Adolescent Issue? Not necessarily sexual Not necessarily sexual –true intimacy is characterized by openness, honesty, self- disclosure, and trust Intimacy becomes an adolescent concern because of normative biological, cognitive, and social changes Intimacy becomes an adolescent concern because of normative biological, cognitive, and social changes Intimate relationships first emerge in adolescence Intimate relationships first emerge in adolescence Insert DAL photo

4 Intimacy as an Adolescent Issue Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge Not until adolescence do truly intimate relationships first emerge Characteristics of true intimacy openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust Characteristics of true intimacy openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust

5 Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs: –need for contact and for tenderness –need for adult participation –need for peers and peer acceptance –Need for intimacy –Need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer –Need for integration into adult society

Sullivan’s Theory Need for intimacy precedes development of romantic or sexual relationships Need for intimacy precedes development of romantic or sexual relationships Capacity for intimacy first develops in same-sex relationships Capacity for intimacy first develops in same-sex relationships Quality of same-sex friendships is predictive of quality of their later romantic relationships (reverse is not true) Quality of same-sex friendships is predictive of quality of their later romantic relationships (reverse is not true) Challenge during adolescence is to make the transition between nonsexual, intimate same-sex friendships to sexual, intimate other-sex friendships of late adolescence Challenge during adolescence is to make the transition between nonsexual, intimate same-sex friendships to sexual, intimate other-sex friendships of late adolescence

7 Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy Erikson’s View of Intimacy Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation –In a truly intimate relationship, two individuals’ identities fuse –Neither person’s identity is lost

Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the Nature of Friendship Companionship appears before adolescence Companionship appears before adolescence Intimacy emerges later Intimacy emerges later Early adolescence Early adolescence –Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship 8

9 Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the Nature of Friendship Conflicts that adolescents have with friends Conflicts that adolescents have with friends –Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters –Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespect

10 The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the Display of Intimacy (1) Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends (2) Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling (3) Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy (4) Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion

11 The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Sex Differences in Intimacy Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators –Girls disclose more to their friends –Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends –Girls are more concerned about trust and loyalty

Sex Differences in Friendship Conflicts Boys Boys –conflicts persist for shorter periods of time –typically over issues of power and control –more likely to escalate into physical aggression –usually resolved without any explicit effort Girls Girls –conflicts persist for longer periods of time –typically about betrayal in the relationship –only resolved when one of the friends apologizes

13 The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy Sullivan hypothesized that Sullivan hypothesized that –intimacy with peers replaces intimacy with parents –Intimacy with peers of the opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones

14 The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers Parent-adolescent relationships Parent-adolescent relationships –Imbalance of power, teens receive advice Adolescent peer relationships Adolescent peer relationships –Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges

The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence The Development of Intimacy in Adolescence Friendships with the Other Sex Little is known about the nature or significance or nonromantic relationships with opposite-sex peers Little is known about the nature or significance or nonromantic relationships with opposite-sex peers Boys may profit more from these relationships than do girls Boys may profit more from these relationships than do girls 15

Dating and Romantic Relationships 16

Class Activity Recall your first date… Recall your first date… –How old were you? –How did you approach the boy/girl you liked? –Where did you go? –Alone or in a group? –How did it go? Letting your child date… Letting your child date… –At what age would you allow? –Any rules or limitations?

18 Dating and Romantic Relationships High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months –25% of 12-years-olds reported having one –50% of 15-year-olds reported having one –70% of 18-year-olds reported having one

19 Dating and Romantic Relationships The Development of Dating Relationships Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy –Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents –Furthering development of gender identity –Learning about oneself as a romantic partner –Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group

20 3 Phases of Teen Romance (1) Discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners; relationships last a few weeks (between 11 and 13) (2) Move toward more meaningful dyadic relationships; relationships last about 6 months (from about 14 to 16) (3) Begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of romantic relationships; average relationship is over a year (around 17 or 18)  May not apply to sexual-minority youth, those who are not exclusively heterosexual…WHY?

21 Dating and Romantic Relationships Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development Early and intensive dating before age 15 Early and intensive dating before age 15 –Stunting effect on psychosocial development Adolescent girls who do not date at all Adolescent girls who do not date at all –Retarded social development, excessive dependency on parents, feelings of insecurity Moderate degree of dating Moderate degree of dating –Potentially most valuable pattern

22 Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development Negative effects can occur as well Negative effects can occur as well –Frequent conversations about personal problems can lead to too much introspection and self-consciousness can lead to too much introspection and self-consciousness –“Corumination” between friends can make each of the friends depressed can make each of the friends depressed

23 Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development During adolescence, friends: During adolescence, friends: –serve as sounding boards for future plans –provide advice on a range of identity-related matters –contribute to adolescents’ self-esteem Individuals with satisfying close friendships Individuals with satisfying close friendships –do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able –to make and maintain close relationships with others