Keeping The Peace Parent & Teen Relationships

Enduring Understandings Communication is critical during the teen years Learning how to communicate clearly and effectively is an ongoing process Parents’ ability to listen to their teen effects their ability to impact and influence their teen

Essential Questions Why is communication critical during the teen years? What are strategies for keeping the peace? Why is listening such an important part of communicating effectively? How does your communication style impact the peace?

Why keeping the peace is critical? Your teen is spending more time away from parents Your teen is gaining independence Your teen is expected to take responsibility for actions Your teen is needing guidance for healthy decision-making and character development Your teen is watching your modeling

Parent Communication Styles Passive – Avoiding what you think, feel, want, or believe because…. You are afraid to risk the consequences You don’t believe in your own rights You don’t know how to speak up for yourself You think another person’s rights are more important than yours

Passive Communicators ….. Ignore or avoid Hide feelings Whine, fake crying Pouting Give in to be nice, pacify to keep peace Gossip Make faces, roll-eyes Mumbles judgements Tattle or snitch

Parent Communication Styles Passive-Aggressive – Appearing passive but really acting out anger in these ways…. Subtle, indirect, or behind the scenes words or actions Revengeful or resentful words or actions Sabotaging others relationship success, often from envy or insecurity

Passive Aggressive Communicators…. Mutter to self, under your breath Facial expressions don’t match feelings Sarcasm Deny there is a problem Use sabotage to get even or get ahead, power plays Set people up to fall or fail Leave sticky notes instead of talking Write cryptic posts online Appear cooperative but really have hidden agenda or ulterior motives Secretive Silent treatment, brooding, holding a grudge

Parent Communication Styles Aggressive – Saying what you think, feel, want, or believe in ways that deny another person’s right to be treated with respect.... Anger in words and/or actions Meanness Hurtful Put-Downs Spiteful Forceful & Domineering

Aggressive Communicators …. Yell or speak loudly – talk over others Hit, kick, stomp, slam doors Make threats Humiliate Criticize, Blame, Attack Dominate, demand lately Physically intimidate Don’t share friends easily Act threatening and rude Don’t listen Use “you” statements

Parent Communication Styles Assertive – Saying what you think, feel, want, or believe…. In ways that don’t damage another person’s right to be treated with respect In straightforward, nonthreatening ways In ways that don’t deny your own rights

Assertive Communicators Offer sincere apologies Make the first move Willing to share feelings & be vulnerable Compromise, negotiate, make & keep agreements Talk it out Develop WIN/WIN outcomes Active listening Firmly set boundaries Respectful in tone and intent Seek understanding and give space to hear out other party “I” messages Build others up

Learning Activity Tips for Keeping the Peace I feel ________________ When you ___________ Because _____________ I want you to _________ How can we work this out?

Table Talk What are the most important aspects of communication with your teen? How does being harmful in your communication with your teen work against you? How does being helpful in your communication with your teen work for you? Without making your teen feel defensive? Without making your teen unsure of what you really want?

Active Listening Listen when your teen wants to talk Listen without distractions Listen without interrupting Listen without judgment Listen with your eyes, ears, & heart Listen with empathy and share what you believe you heard your teen say Listen without needing to provide a solution Listening actively will lead to your teen listening to you

Listen & Use the 5 A’s…. Affirmation Acceptance Appreciation Availability Accountability

Table Talk

Bibliography & Resources g/communication.shtml g/communication.shtml N2M1Y/Communicating_with_your_teena ger_powerpoint_ppt_presentation N2M1Y/Communicating_with_your_teena ger_powerpoint_ppt_presentation /bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Parenting_commun icating_with_teenagers /bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Parenting_commun icating_with_teenagers / /

Bibliography & Resources d/insession.php d/insession.php / / Words Kids Need to Hear by David Staal How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down by Dr. Kevin Leman