 Some sociologists say that only 10 percent of contemporary marriages are truly monogamous.  In western countries, serial monogamy is practised (marriage to several spouses after the other)  People believe when they marry it will be forever.

 Refer to your handout on the Theories of Attraction

 Buss (1994) Women would not marry a man who she did not love or could not love.  Robert Sternburg, Romantic love has three stages:  1) Passion – Sexual desire, develops quickly  2) Intense friendship of intimacy – develops slower, sharing of each others self  3) Commitment - to maintaining relationships, it grows, individuals accept reciprocal roles.  Represented as a triangle – balance of the 3

 Courtship – to win the affection of those who we are attracted to. Men and women display qualities that would make them good mates.  Has evolved over time – Dating in the 20’s men would ask a girl out and pay for the dinner etc. Brought to family immediately. Committed early in relationship.  1930’s – “Going Steady” exclusive relationships  Now, more money and free time to date

 Dating is not an indicator of marital success, but love is. Being in love when you marry is the greatest factor for success.  Couples who are deeply in love or who remember being in love when they marry have greater chance for success.  Today, dating is less formal, less restrictive. Careers are put first.

 Roles have changed, less traditional, less restrictive.  According to the systems theory, a couple must discuss the hidden rules of their marital system.  Arrangements need to be agreed upon – Rules for division of labour, and decision making.

 Marriage is most difficult between 5-10 years. Many challenges that take place over time. There are 3 predictable stages in marriage:  1) Relationships are romantic, warm and respectful. Lots of sexual attraction.  2) Conflict arises as individuals become more demanding in meeting their own needs.  3) Couples compromise and negotiate a relationship that is more realistic, mature and stable.

 Some couples might face Non Normative Crises, such as unemployment, infertility, illness and infidelity.  Couples who achieve a resolution to their problems in their first stage establish a marital system, the characteristic structures that they will rely on when they need to resolve problems in the future.

Characteristics of Success  Similar values, enjoy similar leisure activities, pooling income, sharing power in decision making, common friends, social life together.

 Conflict occurs due to the changing roles that take place throughout the duration of a marriage.  Conflict is inevitable, but handling the conflict productively is the key factor. .

 Common Issues  Conflicts due to time, sex and money  Balancing job and family  Frequency of sexual relations  Debt brought into marriage  Financial situations  Household tasks

 Feminist sociologist Pepper Schwartz described future marriages to be “Peer Marriages” where there is no more than a 60:40 division of household chores, and child care roles.  Marriage is placed ahead of careers, means sacrificing opportunities.