RELATIONSHIPS, HOW DO YOU KNOW IF IT’S GOOD? Chris Warren, M.Ed. Director of Community Engagement, Domestic Violence Network

Differences between healthy relationships and not-so healthy ones Myths and facts about dating abuse Helping friends experiencing dating abuse GOALS

Complete the handout Using the post-it, Write Why is this important to you? Place post-it under the trait TAKE FIVE

WHAT ARE “RELATIONSHIPS” LIKE TODAY?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A RELATIONSHIP IS GOOD?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT-SO GOOD?

Take five minutes to read through the handout and circle any “new-to-you” information or anything that is interesting TAKE FIVE

WHAT IS DATING ABUSE?

Dating Abuse is about CONTROL Violence is often a byproduct of the perceived loss of control

Violence is just physical  Manipulation/emotional control  Threats to harm you or him/herself  Looking through your phone  Excessive texting/communication  Encouraging fights between you and friends/family MYTHS ABOUT TEEN DATING ABUSE

Adults know when relationships are violent

It’s obvious when someone is physically abusive

People who experience dating abuse are uneducated, poor, “low class”, or minorities

Teen Dating Abuse Rarely Happens  Nearly half of domestic violence occurs between the ages of (Herman 2009). MYTHS ABOUT TEEN DATING ABUSE

HOW COMMON IS TEEN DATING ABUSE? Of youth in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a dating partner CDC, %

9 th -12 th grade girls in the United States have been Raped HOW COMMON IS TEEN DATING ABUSE? St. Mary’s College, 2013

9 th -12 th grade girls in Indiana have been Raped HOW COMMON IS TEEN DATING ABUSE? St. Mary’s College, %

Almost 70% of youth in abusive relationships will not tell their parents (Claiborne, 2009) HOW COMMON IS TEEN DATING ABUSE?

Withdrawal from social activities that do not include partner Chronic illness such as gastrointestinal problems Significant changes in appearance/behavior Change in academic performance Social isolation unless accompanied by partner Disconnected from family BEHAVIOR OF THOSE BEING ABUSED (CDC, 2009) These behaviors are signs of abuse when they are done out of fear from the person they are romantically involved with.

Jealous outbursts at partner’s friends/family Withdrawal from activities based on time commitment Public shaming or humiliation of partner (no matter how minor) Need to be center of attention in social settings Typically charming/respectful to authority figures to avoid suspicion or questioning (CDC 2009) BEHAVIORS OF THOSE ABUSING (CDC, 2009)

ALWAYS together, but rarely happy Constant texting and anxiety over missing a message Anxious, sad, or upset when having to separate Changing appearance to appear more alike (matching tattoos, piercings, etc.) One partner is living with the other’s family (or permitted to sleep over frequently) BEHAVIORS OF COUPLES IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS (CDC 2009) These behaviors are signs of abuse when they are done out of fear from the person they are romantically involved with.

Violence is an option in the relationship now Violence is usually periodic Perpetrators usually make themselves the victims Victims carefully try to keep the peace IT HAPPENED ONCE, NOW WHAT???

Talk to someone you trust Get help from professionals-call or text! Keep a record of the abuse You may need it as evidence if you have to take legal action HOW DO PEOPLE GET OUT OF THIS???

Do not meet the abuser alone Don’t get even, just get away! What if they won’t stay away? Develop a plan and rehearse what you will do if abuse continues If it is at this level, talk to a professional either in person, on the phone, or text HOW DO PEOPLE GET OUT OF THIS???

1.What is the best course of action for this person? 2.Possible responses/barriers? 3.What are the next steps? READ THROUGH THE SCENARIO

HOW CAN WE SUPPORT FRIENDS?

 Look out for your friends  Don’t allow people to make sexist or homophobic comments  See something, say something  Know the signs of control that lead to abuse  Start a “No More” Club! HOW DO WE PREVENT ABUSE?

The Indiana Lifeline Law provides immunity from underage and public intoxication laws for individuals or groups who call the police in response to a crime, sexual offense, or health emergency. LIFELINE LAW

WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE? Text Message Support Text: Type: loveis

QUESTIONS? for more information, visit: dvnconnect.org

REFERENCES American Institute for Research (2014). Get Smart Get Safe. from AIR website. Avon Foundation for Women (2013). No More Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, Survey of Attitudes and Experiences of Teens and Adults. from Avon Foundation for Women website. Black MC, Basile KC, Breiding MJ, Smith SG, Walters ML, Merrick MT, Chen J, Stevens MR. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ( Understanding Teen Dating Violence-United States. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2011). Youth Risk Behavioral Surveillance—United States. MMWR 2012;61(No.SS-4). Impact of the Economy and Parent/Teen Dialogue on Dating Relationships and Abuse. (2009). Conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited for the Family Violence Prevention Fund and Liz Claiborne. Davis, Antoinette, MPH. (2008). Interpersonal and Physical Dating Violence among Teens. The National Council on Crime and Delinquency Focus Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice and Statistics (2006). Intimate Partner Violence in the United States, Draucker, C. B., & Martsolf, D. S. (2010). The Role of Electronic Communication Technology. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, Simon, T. R., Miller, S.,Gorman-Smith, D., Orpinas, P., Sullivan, T. (2010). Physical dating violence norms and behavior among sixth-grade students from four U.S. sites. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 30(3), , first published on March 30, St. Mary of the Wood College, (2013). “Status of Girls in Indiana.” The NO MORE Project. "Dating Abuse Statistics." Accessed April 22,