Teen Dating Violence Family Violence Unit

What is teen dating violence What is teen dating violence? It is what happens in a teen dating relationship when one person uses _______________ , __________ or _______________ abuse to gain power and keep control over the other person. 

Love shouldn’t hurt! Dating Violence is not an argument once in a while……. It is a continual pattern of abusive and or violent behavior. __________ teens will be in a dating/abusive relationship.

Statistics A female is battered every nine seconds. It is estimated that __________ of all high school and college students will have been in an abusive relationship by the time they graduate. Relationship violence is the number ___ cause of injury to women ages 15-44: more than rapes, muggings and car accidents combined. Violence happens in same-sex relationships too. When it does, gay and lesbian teenagers often don’t know where to turn for help. If they are not comfortable telling people that they’re gay, that makes the situation even harder. Girls are not the only ones who are abused physically or emotionally in relationships. ______also experience abuse, especially psychological abuse. Boys rarely are hurt physically in relationships, but when it happens it’s often severe.

Stats continued… ____% of all teens report worrying about their personal physical safety in a relationship. ____% have been pressured to have sex or engage in sex when they do not want to. _____% report that they have been hit , slapped, or pushed by a partner.

How do you know if you are being abused? Take the relationship quiz?

Are you going out with someone that….. is jealous and ___________, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking up? tries to control you by being bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinions seriously? puts you down in front of friends, tells you that you would be nothing without him? scares you? makes you worry about his__________ to things you say or do? threatens you? uses weapons to threaten and intimidate you? is violent? has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others? grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you? pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex? gets too serious about the relationship too fast? abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to take them? has a history of failed relationships, and blames the other person for all the problems? makes your family and friends uneasy and concerned for your safety? makes you feel like you need to apologize to yourself or others for your boyfriend's behavior when he treats you badly? These are all considered __________

Why do they stay? _____________ ______________

Cycle of Abuse Phase 1: ___________ Building- things start to get tense between couple Phase 2: ___________-tension is released in a burst of physical, sexual and /or verbal/emotional abuse Phase 3: _______________-abuser tries to make target stay in relationship by apologizing or shifting blame for the abuse onto someone else or a particular situation

What do you experience being in an abusive relationship? Fear ___________ Low self esteem Denial Depressed *The isolation of abusive relationships provides an ideal ___________ for the progression of addictions. i.e. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, cutting.

Activity Wheel of Misfortune Power and Control wheel is a tool used to educate victims on the tactics that abusers use to gain power and control over a person.

Dating Bill of Rights I have the right: To always be treated with ________ To my own body, thoughts, opinions and property To choose and ________ my friends To change my mind-at ____ time To not be abused-physically, emotionally or sexually To _____________ a relationship To say no To be treated as an ______________ To disagree To live without fear and confusion from my boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s anger

Myth/Fact

The truth about abuse It is a _________ behavior. People are not born to abuse others. Sometimes abusers grow up in violent homes and continue the cycle in their own personal relationships. Drugs/Alcohol _________ cause someone to be violent. These chemicals just aggravate the situation. Dating Violence is not anger out of control. Domestic Violence/ Dating Violence is __________ anger to gain power and control over someone. Most of the time abusers will never get better because it is a learned behavior and cannot be unlearned. Sort of like learning to ride a bike; You can never forget how to do that. The best remedy for Domestic Violence besides education is to hold abusers ______________ for their actions. Let them know that it is wrong and you won’t stand for it.

Dating Responsibilities I have the responsibility to: Not threaten to harm myself or another ___________ my girl/boyfriend to pursue his/her dreams To ___________ them emotionally To communicate not manipulate To not humiliate or demean To refuse to abuse To take care of myself To allow my boy/girlfriend to maintain their ______________ To respect myself and my girl/boyfriend To be honest

Where do we learn these abusive behaviors? Violence in the home Children raised in violent homes are: ____ times as likely to commit suicide _____ times as likely to commit sexual assault ____ times as likely to abuse drugs ____ times as likely to commit other crimes against persons seeitandstopit.org

Socialization Act Like a Man Act Like a Woman What stereotypes are you taught early on? How are woman and men supposed to act? What happens if you think outside the perceived stereotypes? Labels? Class discussion

Media __________ you see in magazines and television that promote violence against women. Popular Music and videos _________ violence against women and portray sexist attitudes towards women.

If I am being abused, What do I do? Teen safety plan If you believe you are at risk: • Try not to be alone with them. If you’re going out arrange another way of getting home rather than going with them. Don’t drink or use drugs. Always have extra money in case you have to call a taxi or make a phone call. Make up a “code word” for family, friends, teachers so they know when to call for help. Ask parents or family members to screen calls and visitors. Take different routes or change the time that you leave if you think you will be followed. If you want to break up, do it over the phone rather than in person. Try talking to your parents, school personnel, counselors;they can take the steps to protect you. Take all threats of harm seriously and notify an adult because your safety may be at risk.

Resources for teens SafeYouth.org http://www.uhavetheright.net/ National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) Your School Resource Officer or counselor can help.