Chapter 14 DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

 Stability—the quality of being firm and steadfast (faithful)  Stable Relationships  Last over time  Respect and trust, communication, share values/beliefs, build strong morals, spend time together STABLE & UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS

 Grow apart  No longer share interests that drew them together  Failed communication  Financial, sexual, or role problems  Physical and mental abuse  Many, many more!!! WHY MARRIAGES END

 Divorce—legal action that ends a marriage  Leads to major changes for the entire family  Marriages don’t end without warning!  Most occur over about 2 years  Not all troubled relationships are destined for divorce  Seek counseling  Society is more accepting of divorce  More flexible laws

1.Isolation -partners withdraw from each other; no longer share closeness—act like strangers 2.Invalidation -partners respond negatively to one another; they weaken their bond with judgments, blame each other which results in negative feelings 3.Betrayal -feeling that the trust has been broken; support you expect from your spouse is no longer there 3 BASIC STAGES LEADING TO DIVORCE

 Most important act in the breakup of a marriage is the choice to separate  The decision to divorce is often harder than the divorce itself  How the families handle the feelings during this time has a great impact on the family

 Age  The younger the more likely  Increase if the bride is pregnant or has already had a child  Income  Unemployment and financial problems  Women with higher incomes are more likely to divorce than women with little or no income  Success of the Parents’ Marriage  More likely if the parents have divorced  Other Factors  Less likely when:  Active in religion  More children  Dated for long periods of time PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE

 In 2007, divorce rate was 4.3%  11% of the adult population is currently divorced.  50% of American marriages will end in divorce.  25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime. TENNESSEE MARRIAGE & DIVORCE STATISTICS

 (1) Either party, at the time of the contract, was and still is naturally impotent and incapable of procreation;  (2) Either party has knowingly entered into a second marriage, in violation of a previous marriage, still subsisting;  (3) Either party has committed adultery;  (4) Willful or malicious desertion or absence of either party, without a reasonable cause, for one (1) whole year;  (5) Being convicted of any crime that, by the laws of the state, renders the party infamous;  (6) Being convicted of a crime that, by the laws of the state, is declared to be a felony, and sentenced to confinement in the penitentiary; TENNESSEE LAWS FOR DIVORCE

 (7) Either party has attempted the life of the other, by poison or any other means showing malice;  (8) Refusal, on the part of a spouse, to remove with that person's spouse to this state, without a reasonable cause, and being willfully absent from the spouse residing in Tennessee for two (2) years;  (9) The woman was pregnant at the time of the marriage, by another person, without the knowledge of the husband;  (10) Habitual drunkenness or abuse of narcotic drugs of either party, when the spouse has contracted either such habit after marriage;  (11) The husband or wife is guilty of such cruel and inhuman treatment or conduct towards the spouse as renders cohabitation unsafe and improper, which may also be referred to in pleadings as inappropriate marital conduct;  (12) The husband or wife has offered such indignities to the spouse's person as to render the spouse's position intolerable, and thereby forced the spouse to withdraw;

 (13) The husband or wife has abandoned the spouse or turned the spouse out of doors for no just cause, and has refused or neglected to provide for the spouse while having the ability to so provide;  (14) Irreconcilable differences between the parties; and  (15) For a continuous period of two (2) or more years that commenced prior to or after April 18, 1985, both parties have lived in separate residences, have not cohabited as man and wife during such period, and there are no minor children of the parties.

 Can be ended legally in 3 ways: 1.Annulment—states that a legal marriage never took place due to some prior condition; marriage was not legal because it was not entered in good faith 2.Legal Separation—lets couple live in separate homes but cannot remarry; partners make a legal agreement to live apart 3.Divorce—most common outcome of marital breakups; granted by each state and laws vary by state -some states now call it a dissolution of marriage THE LEGAL PROCESS

 Most are granted under these laws  Partners claim that the marriage has broken and neither is to blame  Time spent living apart may be all the proof needed that a breakdown has occurred  Legal process is simple NO-FAULT DIVORCE LAWS

 Divorce mediation—when couples meet with a neutral 3 rd party  Helps decide:  How to divide time with children  Splitting of personal items  Financial issues  Final decision rests with the divorce judge who will legalize the couple’s decisions DIVORCE DECISIONS

 Custody—legal right to make decisions that affect children (physical care) 1. Sole custody -one spouse keeps all legal rights and responsibilities 2. Joint custody -parents share equal decisions 3. Split custody -each has sole custody of 1 or more children 4. Alternate custody -live with one parent for long periods of time, then live with the other parent for long period of time 5. Third-party custody -someone else is assigned as the child’s legal guardian CHILD CUSTODY

 Defined by the custody arrangement  Parent who doesn’t have custody pays support  Set amount that is to be paid each month  Government makes parents pay child support if there is a court order.  Can be deduced from wages  If not paid, parents can be put into jail CHILD SUPPORT

 You often have to divide homes, furnishings, cars, banking accounts, etc  Judges look at length of marriages and factors that could influence what spouses deserve  Alimony—financial support of an ex-spouse  Spouse with more financial support helps support the other one  Doesn’t last very long  Lasts until the spouse finds a job or remarries FINANCIAL MATTERS

 Creates major changes and young children may not understand the situation, but they still sense anger and tension  Children must:  Be able to manage daily life  Live with the emotions caused by the divorce CHILDREN AND DIVORCE

 Image that its their fault  Lots of sorrow & guilt  Children model their parent’s attitude towards divorce  Children need stability—same home, same school, same friends HOW CHILDREN VIEW DIVORCE

 Time around separate is hardest on a child  Guilt, rage, rejection, and helplessness are common  Emotional problems caused by divorce are lessened with time EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

 Both people have to build their lives around a divorce  Must cope with loneliness, anger, depression, guilt, and feelings of failure  Can have an affect on careers  Single parenting  Remarriage THE DIVORCED COUPLE

 More than ½ of all remarriages create blended families  Must work at maintaining relationships  Couple must be committed to each other and the marriage BLENDED FAMILIES

 Favoritism  Favoring 1 child over another  Discipline  Adjustment to new rules in the family  Resources  Values  Must learn to understand each others feelings  Former Relationships  Parents/children may not support a new marriage  Roles  Child-Spouse Competition  It is common to feel jealousy/competition when dealing with children from another marriage CHALLENGES OF BLENDING FAMILIES