The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

Session 1: Problems and Solutions

I had a problem, a big one I had a well paid job. My boss is really nice. I saw a bright career path in front of me. I had a well paid job. My boss is really nice. I saw a bright career path in front of me. I lived out of my own country and far from my family. I lived out of my own country and far from my family. I failed multiple times in relationships. I felt lonely after I went home. I wanted to have my own family. I failed multiple times in relationships. I felt lonely after I went home. I wanted to have my own family. I am not happy! I am not happy!

In fact, everybody had one I am having tremendous professional success, but it’s cost me personal and family life. I am having tremendous professional success, but it’s cost me personal and family life. I know I’m overweight. I tried all the ways without success. I know I’m overweight. I tried all the ways without success. My employees are always waiting for me to give them orders. I am tired of that. My employees are always waiting for me to give them orders. I am tired of that. I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day, seven days a week. I am too busy. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every day, seven days a week. My kid won’t listen to me anymore My kid won’t listen to me anymore There is no love in my marriage. We don’t feel it anymore. There is no love in my marriage. We don’t feel it anymore.

What’s the biggest problem you are facing? At work At work In family In family Relationship Relationship Health Health Time Time Meaning of life Meaning of life Death Death

What to do with the problem? Put it aside, try not to think about it Worry about it Talk about it Work on it!

Deal with the problem Acknowledge the problem Acknowledge the problem A problem cannot be solved if we pretend that it doesn’t exist A problem cannot be solved if we pretend that it doesn’t exist A real problem cannot be hidden A real problem cannot be hidden A real problem won’t go away A real problem won’t go away Define the problem Define the problem What’s bothering me most? Why? What’s bothering me most? Why? Write it down Write it down Solve the problem Solve the problem How? How?

New Level of Thinking “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them” “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them” – Albert Einstein

The way we see the problem is the problem It’s “out there”. It’s the problem of the others. It’s “out there”. It’s the problem of the others. We look at the symptoms and ignore the root cause We look at the symptoms and ignore the root cause We expect some magic techniques and quick fixes. The real solution may be a long process and require significant efforts We expect some magic techniques and quick fixes. The real solution may be a long process and require significant efforts Examples: Examples: Employees lack of loyalty Employees lack of loyalty Marriage without love Marriage without love Always busy, but little accomplished Always busy, but little accomplished

How to see differently?

Paradigm - How do we “see” things? The “lens” we all wear The “lens” we all wear We all see things through our own “Paradigms”, which are our own ways of thinking. We all see things through our own “Paradigms”, which are our own ways of thinking. We may not know the paradigm exists, like contact lens. We think what we see is objective. But it may not be. We may not know the paradigm exists, like contact lens. We think what we see is objective. But it may not be. Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both be right. Two people can see the same thing, disagree and yet both be right. Our unique experience creates the “lens” Our unique experience creates the “lens” Family Family Education Education Environment Environment Culture Culture

Power of the Paradigm Paradigm is our map Paradigm is our map Reality, the way things are, where are we now. Reality, the way things are, where are we now. Value, the way things should be, where do we want to be Value, the way things should be, where do we want to be Paradigm determines Paradigm determines Our attitudes Our attitudes Our behaviors Our behaviors Wrong map Wrong map Try to find ways in New York using a map of Chicago. Try to find ways in New York using a map of Chicago. Working on attitudes and behaviors won’t help. Working on attitudes and behaviors won’t help.

What to do with our Paradigms? Be aware of them Be aware of them Take responsibilities of them, examine them, test them against reality Take responsibilities of them, examine them, test them against reality Listen to others, be open to their perspectives Listen to others, be open to their perspectives Get the large picture Get the large picture

Paradigm shift - “See” things differently Paradigm shift is powerful Paradigm shift is powerful Fundamentally change our attitudes and behaviors Fundamentally change our attitudes and behaviors The only way for us to make significant and quantum changes The only way for us to make significant and quantum changes Science Science From Earth center to Sun center From Earth center to Sun center From bloodletting to gem theory From bloodletting to gem theory Society Society From Kings to Democracy From Kings to Democracy Life Life Life threaten crisis Life threaten crisis Step into a new role Step into a new role

Solve our problems What are the “maps” we are using? What are the “maps” we are using? The way we “see” things The way we “see” things The way we “handle” things The way we “handle” things Are the “maps” correct? Are the “maps” correct? Can they explain our current situation? Can they explain our current situation? Can we get to the destination using them? Can we get to the destination using them? Are we lost using the current map? Are we lost using the current map? Change the map Change the map

Thoughts about my own problem My old paradigms My old paradigms There is only successful career path for me. I rely on my boss to promote me in the company ladder. To be successful in career, I have to live in United States. There is only successful career path for me. I rely on my boss to promote me in the company ladder. To be successful in career, I have to live in United States. My perfect partner will fall into my life from heaven. We will fall in love immediately and be happy ever after. I just need to wait. My perfect partner will fall into my life from heaven. We will fall in love immediately and be happy ever after. I just need to wait. Love is sweet and all about happiness. Love is sweet and all about happiness. As long as I have a family, every problem will be resolved. As long as I have a family, every problem will be resolved. My attitude and behaviors are solely based on those paradigms. My attitude and behaviors are solely based on those paradigms. Are they correct? Are they correct?

What’s the “correct map”? Principles Principles Real, unchanging, unarguable and self- evident as natural laws Real, unchanging, unarguable and self- evident as natural laws Universally applicable among different societies and religions Universally applicable among different societies and religions Examples Examples Only if you are trustworthy, you can earn long term trust Only if you are trustworthy, you can earn long term trust Principles determine the results Principles determine the results “Correct map” are Principle-Centered “Correct map” are Principle-Centered

Principles, Practices and Values Principles vs. Practices Principles vs. Practices Guidelines vs. Activities Guidelines vs. Activities Universal application vs. Situation Specific Universal application vs. Situation Specific Always true vs. Work in some circumstances Always true vs. Work in some circumstances Principle empowers people to create variety of practices to deal with different situations Principle empowers people to create variety of practices to deal with different situations Principles vs. Value Principles vs. Value Objective territory vs. Map Objective territory vs. Map

How to change the “map”? Inside-out Inside-out Start with yourself Start with yourself Paradigms Paradigms Characters Characters Motives Motives Private victory precedes public victory Private victory precedes public victory Keep Promise to ourselves before to others Keep Promise to ourselves before to others Improve ourselves before improve the relationships Improve ourselves before improve the relationships Work on our characters before work on personalities Work on our characters before work on personalities Continuing renewal process Continuing renewal process

Inside-out examples To have a good marriage To have a good marriage Generate positive energy Generate positive energy Sidestep negative energy Sidestep negative energy To have a pleasant, cooperative teenager To have a pleasant, cooperative teenager More understanding More understanding Empathic Empathic Consistent Consistent Loving Loving To have more freedom, more latitude in your job To have more freedom, more latitude in your job Be more responsible Be more responsible More helpful More helpful More contributing More contributing To be trusted To be trusted Be trustworthy Be trustworthy

Put the “map” inside us, permanently Characters Characters Relatively permanent Relatively permanent Distinguishing features Distinguishing features Manifest when relates to others and reacts to various kinds of challenges Manifest when relates to others and reacts to various kinds of challenges Examples Examples Courage Courage Honesty Honesty Loyalty Loyalty Characters determine our destiny Characters determine our destiny Determine our actions and reactions Determine our actions and reactions Determine how people see us and treat us Determine how people see us and treat us

Characters Ethic vs. Personalities Ethic Characters Ethic Characters Ethic The foundation of success come from the Characters like Integrity, Humility, Courage… The foundation of success come from the Characters like Integrity, Humility, Courage… Personalities Ethic Personalities Ethic Human and Public Relationship techniques Human and Public Relationship techniques Positive Mental Attitude Positive Mental Attitude Characters vs. Personalities Characters vs. Personalities Inside-out vs. Outside-in Inside-out vs. Outside-in Permanent vs. Inconsistent Permanent vs. Inconsistent Natural vs. Artificial Natural vs. Artificial

The New Paradigm The new level of thinking The new level of thinking Principle-centered Principle-centered Character-based Character-based Inside-out Inside-out

Principles of Growth Growth are sequential Growth are sequential Multiple Stages Multiple Stages The later stage is built upon the previous one The later stage is built upon the previous one Each one is important. None can be skipped Each one is important. None can be skipped Each one takes time Each one takes time Example: Learning to run Example: Learning to run Turn over, sit up, crawl, walk, run Turn over, sit up, crawl, walk, run

The Paradigm Change Process It’s a continuing renewal process It’s a continuing renewal process Learn the principles Learn the principles Build the characters Build the characters Start with ourselves Start with ourselves Emotional Development Level Emotional Development Level Listening to others requires Patience, Openness, Desire to understand Listening to others requires Patience, Openness, Desire to understand No quick fixes. No shortcut No quick fixes. No shortcut

Conclusion Solution to your problem Change the way you see the it

What’s next? We learned We learned Our significant problems are the fruits of our own paradigms, the “lens” we wear and the “maps” we use Our significant problems are the fruits of our own paradigms, the “lens” we wear and the “maps” we use Our problems can only be solved by paradigm shifts. Our problems can only be solved by paradigm shifts. A correct paradigm is Principle- Centered, Character-based, Inside-out A correct paradigm is Principle- Centered, Character-based, Inside-out Paradigm shift takes a continuing renewal process Paradigm shift takes a continuing renewal process What’s missing What’s missing A actionable process to guide us in making the paradigm shift A actionable process to guide us in making the paradigm shift

Next Session Session 2 The Overview of The 7 Habits