Making Advances And You Thought Treating Female Partners Was Challenging! Treating Male Partners of FSLAs SASH Conference 2012 San Antonio, Texas, September 20, 2012 Marnie C. Ferree & Linda Hudson Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
MALE PARTNERS - INVISIBLE ONES Unique shame Cultural stereotypes Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
ADDITION IS A FAMILY DISEASE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
MODELS FOR TREATING PARTNERS Strong disagreement about best approach Strong agreement about commonalities Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
CHARACTERISTICS OF MALE PARTNERS Angry Also addicted Avoidant Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
SYSTEMS THEORY Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
SYSTEMS THEORY Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Roles Rules Attachment issues Sex and love addiction is an intimacy disorder.
CO-ADDICTION MODEL Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts NOT responsible for addict’s behavior. IS responsible for own personal and relationship issues.
CO-ADDICTS HAVE OWN ISSUES OF… Trauma Unhealthy Coping Impaired Intimacy Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
HISTORY OF ABUSE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts AddictSpouse Sexual81% Physical72%71% Emotional97%91% Carnes, P. (1991). Don’t call it love: Recovering from sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publishers.
CO-ADDICT’S COPING STRATEGIES Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Search and seizure Control Complain Threaten Ignore Rage Focus on kids/ work Manipulate Withdraw/shut down Become more sexual Engage in own addiction Tolerate impaired intimacy Self-righteousness
CO-ADDICTION IS… Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Focusing on someone else’s life Believing you can control people and events outside yourself An obsession with the possibility
TRAUMA MODEL Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts “Partner sensitive” emphasis that focuses on “sexual addition-induced trauma.” Partner receives equal clinical attention Steffens & Means (2009). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse - How Partners Can Cope and Heal
TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study)
TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
TRAUMATIC NATURE OF DISCOVERY OR DISCLOSURE Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Creates PTSD-like symptoms (in 70% of a small study) Causes constant triggering, reactivity, hypervigilance, panic, anxiety, somatic symptoms Normal, predictable responses of people who have been deeply betrayed
PARTNER’S WORK: ATTENDING TO MULTIPLE TRAUMAS Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Relational betrayal, deception, emotional abuse, marginalization, manipulation “Gaslighting” by sex addict “Treatment-induced” trauma
EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues
EFFECTIVE TREATMENT Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Dual Track: Addressing betrayal Addressing core issues
DISCLOSURE Disclosing Secrets Surviving Disclosure by Deborah Corley & Jennifer Schneider Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
PARTNER’S SYSTEM Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts Belief System Impaired Thinking Unmanageability Distraction Strategies Crisis Despair Partner’s Cycle Preoccupation Fantasy
HEALING Boundaries Unique Issues/Challenges Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts
Making Advances A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts All proceeds benefit the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health Edited by Marnie C. Ferree Writers: Susan J. Campling Robin Cato M. Deborah Corley Marnie C. Ferree Linda Hudson Alexandra Katehakis Kelly McDaniel Anna Valenti-Anderson Jill Vermeire Sonnee Weedn