Not Just Changing Behavior Changing Identity Marshall Goldsmith Changing the Way We Define Ourselves – and Others Define Us

Goals for Today Understand where our identity comes from. Know how our identity impacts our behavior. Learn how we can change the way we define ourselves. Learn how we can change the way others define us.

The sources of our identity Past – future Self – others Remembered Reflected Programmed Created

Remembered identity Self – past How our memories lead to stereotyping – positive and negative How an overall positive stereotype can lead to the glamorization of past dysfunctional behavior How coaching can produce negative memories

Reflected identity Others - past How feedback from others – direct and straightforward – or indirect and subtle – influences our identity One problem with traditional feedback – negative identity formation Why feedback about the performance shouldn’t be ‘taken personally’ is a ridiculous statement for professionals ‘Impressing others’

Programmed identity Others - future It starts at birth How self-fulfilling statements create identity ‘No mechanical skills’ How negative feedback can lead to negative programming

Your parents programming You are 8 years old Your parents are talking about you They don’t know it – but you can hear them They are telling the truth What words would describe that ‘little you’? What words describe the ‘big you’ that is listening today? How have these words impacted the person you are today?

Created identity Self - future My dinner with Bono How we can become the person that we choose to be Limits on identity creation Who is the ‘you’ that you would like to become? How does that differ from the ‘you’ that is listening today? How can you change negative aspects of your identity? ‘The world’s expert in…”

Feedforward vs. feedback in changing identity How coaching based upon feedback can reinforce negative identity formation The danger with ‘personality testing’ The danger with ‘building on your strengths’ How feedforward can help create a positive change in identity Remembered Reflected Programmed Created

Changing perceived identity Changing behavior vs. changing perception Why perception change is so difficult Why follow-up is so critical in changing perception In leadership what matters is ‘what they hear’ not ‘what you say’

How self-stereotyping influences behavior ‘That’s just the way I am!’ An excessive ‘need to be me’ Why can’t you…?

Changing identity and remaining authentic The ‘real me’ The difference between being a professional - and being a phony When coaching won’t help Examples of great professionals who are always ‘on’ Acting like you care – when you are bored to death Does this mean I have to watch what I say and how I look in every meeting?