Candyce Reynolds, Ph.D.. University Studies Conflict Management Candyce Reynolds, Ph.D.. University Studies

Conflict What is it?

Conflict Why do we do it?

Conflict Why do we care?

Goals for Today Understand the nature of conflict in human relationships Identify ways that conflict can be positive or negative Examine a framework for analyzing conflict situations Analyze a personal conflict

What we know…. Conflict is a naturally occurring phenomenon for human beings People do not get involved in conflict situations unless they have some stake in the relationship or outcome or both

What we know…. One can never truly resolve conflict, one can only manage conflict The costs of unmanaged conflict can be high, but the gains from using differences creatively can also be great Conflict can either be productive or dysfunctional

First Trick for Conflict Management

Know Yourself

What feelings do you have when you are in conflict situation?

Common Feelings Associated with Conflict Anger Frustration Fear Excitement

Common Actions Associated with Conflict Fight Flight

Your History with Conflict How was conflict perceived in your family/community? How did your family/community deal with conflict?

You can decide... Understanding the impact of your family and community on your ideas about conflict can allow you to make decisions about how you deal with conflict now We are our history We make our history

What is your conflict style?

Conflict Styles R E L A T I O N S H P High Importance 3 5 4 2 1 High Low Importance GOALS

Conflict Styles R E L A T I O N S H P High Importance 3 5 4 2 1--Turtle High Importance Low Importance GOALS

Turtle--Withdrawing Avoid conflict as all costs Give up their personal goals & relationships Believe it is hopeless to try to resolve conflict Feel helpless Easier to withdraw than face conflict

Conflict Styles R E L A T I O N S H P High Importance 3 5 4 2--Shark 1 Low Importance GOALS

Shark--Forcing Try to overpower opponents by forcing them to accept their solutions Not concerned with needs of others Do not care about how others perceive them Believe in winning and losing Winning gives them a sense of pride Try to win by attacking, overwhelming, & intimidating others

Conflict Styles R E L A T I O N S H P High Importance 3--Teddy Bear 5 4 2 1 High Importance Low Importance GOALS

Teddy Bear--Smoothing Relationships most important, goals of little importance Want to be accepted and liked by other people Believe conflict should be avoided in favor of harmony Fearful that conflict will hurt someone

Conflict Styles R E L A T I O N S H P High Importance 3 5 4--Fox 2 1 Low Importance GOALS

Fox--Compromising Moderately concerned with relationships and goals Willing to sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to find agreement for the common good

Conflict Styles R E L A T I O N S H P High Importance 3 5--Owl 4 2 1 Low Importance GOALS

Owl--Confronting Value their own goals and relationships View conflicts as problems to be solved See conflicts as improving relationships by reducing tension Seek solutions that satisfy both parties Not satisfied until solution is found and tension is reduced

Which style is better?

Some styles are more useful than others when...

Uses of the “Turtle” When issue is trivial When potential damage of confrontation outweighs the benefits To let people cool down & reduce tension When gathering information When others can resolve the conflict more effectively

Uses of the “Shark” When quick, decisive action is vital On important issues where unpopular actions need to be implemented To protect yourself against people who take advantage of noncompetitive behavior

Uses of “Teddy Bear” When you realize you are wrong To learn from others When issue is more important to the other person than to yourself As a goodwill gesture to maintain cooperative relationship To allow others to experiment

Uses of “Fox” When goals are important, but not worth the effort or disruption When opponents with equal power are strongly committed To achieve temporary settlements to complex issues

Uses of “Owl” To find an integrative solution when both sides are too important to compromise When your objective is to learn To work through hard feelings which have been interfering with a relationship

Second Trick for Conflict Management

Understand Process of Conflict intervene Expectations (explicit) Anticipation (implicit) Unfulfilled Expectations Experience Gather evidence for a case Resentments Build Give up

Why & how do we get in conflict situations?

The issues The facts: present situation, problems The goals: how things ought to be, the future conditions sought The methods: the best, the easiest, the quickest, the most ethical The values: the beliefs about priorities that should be observed in choosing goals & methods The history: what has gone on before

Components of a Conflict Situation Frustration--when you feel blocked. Conceptualization of problem-- “What’s going on?” Conceptualization of behaviors & intentions-- “What does that mean?” Outcome--emotional, cognitive, behavioral

Types of Conflict

What can we do??? How do we intervene??? Accept that you will have conflict Work toward having positive vs. dysfunctional conflict Use conflict management skills De-escalation “I”- Messages

Indicators of Escalation Competition Righteousness Not Listening Spreading to new issues Dealing in personalities Threats Intentional Hurt Violating Social Rules

Indicators of De-escalation Listening. Trying to understand. Showing Tact. Concern for other’s feelings. Goodwill gestures. Appeals to De-escalate. Airing feelings. Finding alternatives.

“I”-Messages Describe: Behavior Feelings Consequence Beware of war words!!

Analyzing a Conflict Situation Conflict was between________ It centered around_________ I wanted___________ and felt frustrated because __________ In my view, the key issue was _______ The other person probably thought the key issue was ___________

Analyzing a Conflict Situation Predominant conflict style I used_____ Escalation behaviors I used________ De-escalation behaviors I used______ Major outcomes_____________ Differences over: facts, goals, methods, values, history___________ What would I do differently next time?

Small Group Break into small groups Take 7 minutes to fill out sheet. Write about problem that you are willing to share with group. (Could be something that has happened in your group!) Share worksheet with group Get feedback about possible alternative ways of viewing and/or handling conflict Discuss common themes

Large Class Each group share their common themes Questions, comments