How to Communicate with Your Mentor, to Get the Most Our of Your Relationship Michael Rapoff, Ph.D. Department of Pediatrics

Purpose To provide mentees tips for making a mentoring relationship work for them. To discuss possible problems in the mentoring relationship and how to address these problems.

Mentoring Defined “Mentoring involves a relationship in which the mentor, usually a more experienced individual, works closely with the protégé for the purposes of teaching, guiding, supporting and facilitating the professional growth and development of a colleague.” Taylor, Journal of Professional Nursing, 1992, 48: 48-55

Tips for Mentees 1. Choose your mentor wisely. Making sure they have the knowledge, experience, and skills in the areas of teaching, research, professional service, and clinical service.

Tips for Mentees 2. Give the mentoring relationship a trial for 90 days and then re-evaluate. If the relationship is not working at all, switch mentors or if you need secondary or task mentors, ask for them (not all mentors excel in all areas of teaching, research, professional and clinical service).

Tips for Mentees 3. Openness and non-defensiveness are two key attributes for getting the most out of feedback from your mentor. As Dr. John Belmont would say “ better to hear things from you friends than your critics”. Be open to changing what you are doing, saying, or writing.

Tips for Mentees 4. Making mentoring meetings work: a. establish a schedule of regular meetings b. allow sufficient time to ask questions and discuss issues openly c. arrive promptly to all appointments & don’t cancel meetings d. have a specific, written agenda for each meeting with your mentor

Tips for Mentees 5. Keep you mentor informed of your academic progress or any difficulties you have encountered. Let your mentor know if you what to make a change in the direction of your career (e.g., research emphasis).

Tips for Mentees 6. Be prepared to ask about the life experiences of your mentor and the lessons learned, particularly the mistakes they made in their careers and how you can avoid them.

Tips for Mentees 7. Decide how much of your personal or family life you want to share with your mentor. You set the boundaries on what you do or do not share with your mentor.

Tips for Mentees 8. Good answers require good questions. Some possible questions to pose to your mentor: Who can help clarify my department’s expectations? How do I build a faculty portfolio? How do I get a grant? What departmental and SOM committees should I serve on? What type of peer review of teaching should I expect? Should I seek additional feedback and resources? How do I deal with conflict? How do I balance my personal and professional life? Who can I go to for personal problems?

Dealing with Potential Problems Don’t let your mentors make you a clone of them (unless you want to be). If you are feeling uncomfortable or having difficulty communicating, raise this early in the mentoring relationship. If problems can not be resolved, ask for a third party to intervene (division chief, chair) If all else fails, then fire your mentor (or more gently ask to switch to someone else).

Questions and Discussion