Unit 2 Healthy Relationships OUTCOME 7.4: DEMONSTRATE A PERSONALIZED AND COHERENT UNDERSTANDING OF THE IMPORTANCE OF NURTURING HARMONY IN RELATIONSHIPS (WITH SELF, OTHERS, AND THE ENVIRONMENT), AND APPLY EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES TO RE/ESTABLISH HARMONY WHEN CONFLICT ARISES.

Big Questions  1. What is conflict?  2. What feelings do we have when we are in conflict?

Important Terms  Conflict: To be in or come into opposition  Emotional Conflict : Conflict with an outside source in a nonphysical way such as teasing, bullying, disappointing someone or arguing  Mental Conflict: Conflict within yourself, usually over right or wrong. Fighting negative feelings about yourself.  Physical Conflict: Physical Fighting

Disagreement vs. Conflict

Big Questions  1. What is a disagreement?  2. How can a disagreement be a normal part of any relationship?  3. How can our personalities turn a disagreement into a conflict?

Being Yourself  Differences make people interesting, not threatening  We don‘t all feel things the same way  We have to know who we are, respect that and respect that others feel things differently too  Sometimes if our personalities are too strong and stubborn, they can lead to conflict

Disagreement vs Conflict  Disagreement: The act of having a different opinion or opposing thought  The difference between conflict and disagreement is the negativity surrounding it. Conflict is typically based on a dislike or negative opinion and is typically taken out more irrationally.  Conflict is more like a power struggle, whereas disagreement is typically just a different opinion, expressed in a healthy and positive way.

Learning Activity  1. Read the situation: James’ son Ben plays hockey for a team in town. James has noticed that although Ben never misses a practice he has not played more than 2 minutes of the last 5 games. James is upset and is going into speak with the coach. The coach believes that although Ben is a nice kid, he’s bringing the team down when he’s on the ice because of his lack of skill. James is very upset.  2. Write an explanation of how this situation would play out if James and the coach had an emotional conflict.  3. Write an explanation of how this situation would play out if James and the coach had a disagreement.  4. Write which you feel is more effective and why.

Dealing With Conflict

Big Questions  1. What are some ways you can deal with conflict?  2. How can improving your communication skills help you handle conflict/  3. How can conflict lead to abuse?

Behaviour  Passive Behaviour: Accepting what happens without questioning or discussing when it is something you may or may not agree with  Assertive Behaviour: Standing up for self in a calm, confident and reasonable manner  Aggressive Behaviour: Behaving with hostility and anger  Which is the best behavior to use in a conflict and why?

Conflict Resolution

Strategies for Dealing with Conflict 1. Passively: Giving in despite what you want or think is right 2. Aggressively: Forcing your opinion regardless of any consequences or feelings 3. Anger Management: Recognizing symptoms of anger and knowing how to control those feelings before they escalate into something hurtful 4. Negotiating: by offering solutions and ideas from both sides to reach an agreement

5. Compromising: To meet in the middle, which means you give up what you care about the least and get what you care about the most 6. Mediating: Getting help from someone who isn’t part of the conflict.

Peer Pressure

Big Questions  1. What is peer pressure?  2. Why is it difficult to resist peer pressure?  3. What are some ways peer pressure can be placed on a person (i.e. Examples)?

Notes  Peer: Someone who is in the same age group as you  Peer Pressure: the feeling that someone your own age is pushing you toward making a certain choice, good or bad.  Peer pressure can look like:  Spoken pressure – rejection; put downs  Unspoken pressure – body language such as eye rolling or crossing arms, avoiding you, not including you anymore

 Positive Peer Pressure: situations where you are being pressured into doing something that improves you as a person  Example: You are scared to join the football team because you are afraid you aren’t talented enough but a friend pressures you into joining  Positive peer pressure can make you feel pride, importance, belonging  Negative Peer Pressure: situations where you are being pressured into doing something you are uncomfortable with and may go against your values and virtues  Example: Your friends pressure you into sneaking out to go to a party  Negative peer pressure can make you feel confused, insecure, and isolated.

 People give in to peer pressure for a number of reasons:  To improve social or academic standing  To broaden their group of friends  To attract positive feedback  To attract or deflect attention

Peer Pressure Bag of Tricks  Rejection – threatening to end the friendship or relationship if you don’t give into the pressure  Example: “if you won’t drink with us, just leave”  Putdowns – insulting or calling a person names to make them feel bad  Example: “you’re never any fun”  Reasoning – telling a person reasons why they should try something or why it would be OK if they did  Example: “your parents will never find out”

 Unspoken pressure – this is something you feel anyone saying anything, but happens when you want to do what others are doing:  “The Huddle”: A group of kids standing together talking, laughing and joking  “The look”: Kids who think they’re cool give a certain look that mean “we’re cool, you are not”

Strategies to Resist Peer Pressure

Big Questions  1. List some ways you think you can use to resist peer pressure?  2. How does my ability to be passive, assertive or aggressive effect my ability to say no?

Know Your NO’s  Most Effective No:  Assertive: Stand up, make eye contact, have a firm voice, be polite  Least Effective NO’s:  Passive: Weak voice, make excuses, eventually give in  Aggressive: pushy, angry, loud, threatening  Evasive: Changing the subject, avoiding, eventually giving in  Know-It-All: Act superior, judgmental, getting personal, not giving in.

Tips for Resisting Peer Pressure  Do:  Say no assertively  Stay alcohol free  Suggest something else to do  Stand up for others  Walk away from the situation Find something else to do with other friends  Don’t  Attend a party unprepared to resist alcohol  Be afraid to say no  Mumble  Say no too aggressively  Act like a know-it-all when saying no

Morality

Big Questions  1. What is a moral?  2. How are our morals and character developed?

Notes  Morals– Human nature; right and wrong behavior; good vs. evil  As children, moral character is being developed and children are more likely to be drawn to people with “wrong” or “bad” moral character decisions because they prefer instant excitement  Character is developed in each person through a combination of genetics, education, experiences, influences, and values  Character helps each and every person determine what is right and what is wrong.

Folk Stories and Morality  Folk stories always contain a moral.  They teach an important lesson about human nature that is clear and convincing

Example of Folk Stories and Morality The Ugly Duckling – In this folk tale, the duckling is hatched from an egg and turns out to be less beautiful than the other ducklings. As the duckling grows, he is teased mercilessly. He continues being kind to others, regardless of how they treat him and is eventually accepted by some swans. He learns than that he has actually grown into a beautiful swan himself.  This folk tale teaches us the moral message not to judge people based on their looks.

Activity  Locate and read one folk tale. READ IT CAREFULLY  Answer the following questions  1. Summarize the folk tale and identify the moral message it is trying to teach  2. Identify what culture it originated from. Do you think culture and morals have anything in common? Explain.

Morality and Peer Pressure

Big Questions  1. How do the behaviours of others affect our moral decisions?  2. Give an example of a time when you may have to use your morals to make a decision when others are pressuring you.

Think About It….  As a teen it is difficult to be able to identify with the morals we have been taught to build our character.  Pressure from our peers can make sticking to our morals challenging.

Example  Jenna has grown up in a very religious family. They have a high faith in God and take their Catholic roots very seriously. Jenna is also on a club basketball team. This team meets every Wednesday and they play games Sunday morning at 10am and afternoon at 2 pm. Jenna has told her team she cannot make the Sunday morning game. Her team is pressuring her by saying they are going to lose every Sunday morning game because of her. Her coach is displeased, but says it’s ok. The first practice on Wednesday, the coach is extra tough on her. Jenna knows she has let her team down, and she is very conflicted.  Jenna is being pressured by her peers to going against her morals. By missing church to go to basketball, Jenna is not sticking to her morals.

Morality and Peer Pressure Article and Questions