When you receive your graphic organizer… First of all, keep your blue packet close by so that you can incorporate your teacher’s feedback and make this organizer stronger than your last. This is the order of how you should fill it out: 1. Thesis Statement 2. Concluding Statement 3. Topic sentences: do NOT forget transitions! 4. Concluding sentences 5. Example sentences: again, transitions are needed! 6. STOP. Do not go on to your explanation sentences until your teacher goes over them with you (a little bit later in the hour).

LOOK CAREFULLY SO THAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR PEERS TO EXPERIENCE SUCCESS ON YOUR FIRST MULTI- PARAGRAPH ESSAY! Feedback from “Should a Tiger Be Your Pet?” graphic organizer

Explanation Sentences: General Feedback A few people were able to go into depth on their own, using their own ideas. But MANY just made up an unclear sentence, or a sentence that started to show the relationship, but then stopped. If you are stuck, try using proof from the article as part of your explanation sentence. And even still, there were a few people who included explanation sentences that either did not fit with their DETAIL sentences, OR, they did not fit with the TOPIC sentence.

A few reminders… Review: The point of the explanation sentence is EXPLAIN how the detail/example sentence supports the topic sentence. There should be a crystal clear connection between the detail/example sentence and the explanation sentence, but they should not REPEAT the same idea in slightly different words. General rule of thumb:  Your detail sentence should be short and to the point.  Your explanation sentence should be longer than your detail sentence (it can be more than one sentence!) Personal pronouns, like “you.” GET RID OF THEM!!

The Rating System Now that we have spent some time talking about some of the things your teacher saw, you are going to see some of your peer’s example and explanation sentences. Your job is to rate the relationship between the two. Remember: It should be clearly stated and stick to the previously mentioned “general rules.” 3-Nailed it! 2-I can figure out the connection, but it is not clearly stated 1-the connection is not obvious

Rate the relationship between these detail and explanation sentences 3, 2, or 1 ? And remember, you are ONLY commenting on the relationship between their ideas. Detail sentence: Firstly, it can get really expensive. Explanation sentence : People may tend to neglect the animal.

Rate the relationship between these detail and explanation sentences 3, 2, or 1 ? And remember, you are ONLY commenting on the relationship between their ideas. Detail sentence: Firstly, the animals are unpredictable because they are meant to live the in the wild. Explanation sentence : In 2005, Paris Hilton adopted a baby kinkajou one day “baby Luv” bit her so deeply she went to the hospital. This means that an exotic pet can turn on their owners at any time.

Rate the relationship between these detail and explanation sentences 3, 2, or 1 ? And remember, you are ONLY commenting on the relationship between their ideas. Detail sentence: Lastly, the owners could be responsible for doing illegal things. Explanation sentence : Because some owners release their pythons in the Everglades when they get too big, and their changing the ecosystem of the Everglades.

Take a look at how this might sound in a body paragraph: The first word that best describes Alby is grumpy. One place this is seen is when he yells at the boys that he will cut their breaks in half when they are all making jokes as Thomas shows up (6). This shows he is very grumpy because the boys have been working very hard and Thomas coming gives them a break. He is grumpy because he won’t let them laugh and enjoy the break when they deserve it. A second place that Alby shows he is grumpy is when he screams, “No interruptions, boy” at Thomas (10). In this case, Thomas is asking questions because he is new and doesn’t understand. Alby is crabby and yells at him rather than taking time to answer questions and help Thomas be comfortable in this setting. The final example of Alby being grumpy is when he threatens Thomas after Thomas walks up the stairs to see Ben (20). Thomas had only been in the Glade for a short while and did not understand the rules or even know that he was going some place restricted. Alby threatened to hurt him rather than to calmly explain the rules to a person who didn’t understand. All of these examples show the reader that Alby was a very grumpy person.