Verbal Judo …AND THE GENTLE ART OF PERSUASION

Tactical language shapes words and meaning to effectively manage people who are under stress. Natural language is disastrous. Language

Verbal Karate vs Verbal Judo Do not useDo use Unprofessional language or words Professional language or words Words that express personal feelings Use of words to achieve professional objectives Self-referred language {such as “I” or “me”} In contact w/audience We or us Comments not in contextDefined comments which are on target and specific Off-target reactionsDeflection and redirection

Deflection & Redirection “I understand that, however…” “I hear that, however…” “I’m sorry you feel that way…” “I appreciate what you’re saying…” Let me see if I understand what you’re saying… {then, repeat what they just said}

It disempowers the other person It makes you feel comfortable Use goal centered language Reasons to use deflection techniques

…each time you speak during a game you represent: United States Soccer Federation Your state program All referees in the USA The integrity of the game Realities

You constantly interact with: Players Coaches Parents Spectators Administrators Interact

You must personally disappear to be effective. The more you can disappear personally before others, the greater your power and influence over them will be. Being Effective

Three Kinds of People NICE DIFFICULT SNEAKY You Must Be Skillful With All Three.

Paraphrasing First listen… then they will stop - If you use… “Let me see if I understand you…” Or… “Let me see if I’ve got this right…”

Tactical Empathy Definition: To see (and feel) through the eyes of another. The moment you stop thinking like the other, you lose your power over them.

Tone The way you ask establishes your… Creditability, Credentials, Character When you meet resistance…remember… They would rather be asked than be told. Give them a reason, or tell them why.

Options 4 SECRETS TO PRESENTING OPTIONS 1.Tone: friendly and helpful. 2. Sandwich: Positive-Negative-Positive. 3. Be specific –“paint a picture”. 4. Make them want your option.

Options …more on options: Help people to “save face”. (give them something.) People in all cultures respond better to choices than threats.

7 Things Never to Say to Anyone

Final Word …major “Street Principle” for police officers… “Say what you want as long as you do what I say.”