Engagement Tangled

WILL YOU PREPARE MORE FOR THE WEDDING DAY OR FOR THE MARRIED LIFE TOGETHER? Engagement

Formula for Marital Success (prepare)  You have dated for 4 seasons and continue to date each other  You care about one another.  Both are responsible, mature, and independent  You respect each other – not everyone is perfect  You can assertively communicate your feelings and needs  You love yourself as well as each other  You have a balanced individual and joint leisure time  Both are established in a job or career  Both know and accept yourselves  You satisfy each other’s needs and are not selfish  You have realistic expectations about the challenges of marriage  You can resolve conflicts well together  You feel good about the personality of your partner  You agree on religious and ethical values  There is an equal role relationship  You know that love is NOT enough  You are committed to the marriage and to your partner. If you can do these things well before marriage, studies of happy couples have shown the likelihood of your doing them well after marriage is high. So now you…..

GET ENGAGED! What Makes the Engagement Official?... Announcement to the Family The Engagement Ring Why is the wedding ring worn on the 4 th finger? Your wedding custom and traditions attached to rings

All too often:  Couples spend more time preparing for the wedding which lasts for a day than for the married life, which is intended to last a lifetime.  Getting married and staying married are 2 different things.  More focus is placed on the getting than on the staying which is why the divorce rate is so high.  Many believe that LOVE will lead the way or that LOVE will get us through.  Almost everyone that gets married is “in love”, but half of these lovebirds get a divorce. Love is NOT enough.

Purpose of Engagement Period Engagement is Mate Selection Insurance 1. Show your commitment to each other. 2. To plan a wedding. 3. Decide if it is really what you want to do by testing and evaluating the relationship. 4. Make sure that you really do know each other. 5. To discuss and come to an agreement on important topics.

Engagement Scenario: What would happen now? Becky and Joe had been dating for 4 1/2 years. They were both in their senior year of college when they got married. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. He was a big football star, but had suffered enough injuries that he knew he wanted another career. She had been a cheerleader all through high school. They had both been obsessed with taking care of their bodies. Perhaps that is what brought them together; they both spent so much time in the gym. Their marriage had been relatively trouble free for three years and everyone marveled at how well they had taken care of themselves. They both looked as good, if not better, than in their college days. However, one problem had surfaced. Joe wanted children. They both had stable jobs and he was ready to start a family. Becky had been putting off having a baby for over a year now and Joe could not understand why. One night they got into a heated discussion about having children. Becky expressed her feelings. She told Joe that she really did not want to bear a child. She felt adoption was a more reasonable way of getting a child. Her rationale was that they both had spent many years refining their bodies. Why should she be expected to suddenly give up her body to have a baby? She had seen birth films when she was in college and she did not want to go through that process. Joe was devastated.

Engagement Clip

Important Topics to Discuss During Engagement… 1. Role responsibilities and expectations (money, etc…) 2. Relationship with family members and friends 3. Communication and Conflict Management methods 4. Relationship expectations: Love, commitment, and the Sexual relationship 5. Feelings about parenting and Children: how many, how to discipline 6. Recreation activities 7. Jobs and careers 8. Religion

How much did that wedding cost? Bridesmaid dresses (4) $800Cake $1200 Mother’s Dresses (2) $400Invitations (500) $300 Flower girl dresses (2) $200Bride Dress $1200 Tuxes (8) $800Reception flower $700 Plane tickets for relatives $1500 x 9 = $13,500Food ($250 head) $125,000 Rings $3000Band $500 Wedding Coordinator $3000Decoration and remodel $50,000 Swans $150Valet Parking $600 Church $200Limo $500 Pictures $2000Honeymoon $5,000 TOTAL= $209,050

How much will that ring cost if bought on credit? Wedding Customs and Traditions

Plan a Dream Honeymoon

Notebook Activity Write down your dream honeymoon  Where would you go?  What would you do?  How long would it be?

1. False – A honeymoon is NOT necessary for a happy marriage. 2. A nationwide survey showed that 50% of couples interviewed reported that their honeymoon was not happy at all!!! 3. The purpose of a honeymoon is to get to know one another better

How did you do? 4. The Honeymoon Should Provide…  Rest and relaxation from the wedding  Time to be alone together  Recreation and fun  Adjustment to marriage

Honeymoon Planning Guidelines 5. Make it within a budget Resist the temptation to spend more than you can afford. Don’t begin your marriage in debt. Average time = 8 days and Average cost = $3, Have realistic expectations Honeymoons have become overglamorized and end up being a big disappointment. This is also a time for disillusioning. The couple begins to see each other as real people with real faults. 7. Have a sense of humor and create fun memories

Identify the Pros & Cons of these Scenarios