Empathetic Communication Ann Turnbull Janice Fialka 2015 Inclusion Institute Chapel Hill, NC May 13, 2015

Reflection: Your Own Positive Experiences Think of a situation in which you or someone in your family faced a challenging situation and you dealt with a practitioner who you consider to be especially empathetic. o What did the practitioner do that you perceived to be especially empathetic? o How did you feel in response to the practitioner’s empathy? 2

Reflection: Your Own Negative Experiences Think of another situation in which you also had a challenging situation and dealt with a practitioner who was not empathetic at all. o What did the practitioner do that you perceived to totally lack empathy? o How did you feel in response to the practitioner’s lack of empathy? 3

What is communication? Communication is giving or exchanging information, signals, or messages by talking, using gestures, writing, and/or using technology. 4

Taking the perspective of another by seeing situations from their point of view Being non-judgmental Tuning into and understanding another’s feelings Communicating that you understand and care 5 What is Empathy?

Why is Empathetic Communication so Important? It leads to trusting partnerships. o communication + empathy  empathetic communication = trusting partnerships “The feeling of being deeply understood reinforces a sense of connectedness between the practitioner and... family… The aim is for... the family to feel heard, and ultimately, to be respected for his/her unique perspective and past experiences.” (Geller, 2012, p. 208) 6

Overview of Early Years Empathetic Communication Module 7

Session 1: Introduction Definitions Importance of empathetic communication Reflection of personal experiences with empathetic communication 8

Session 2: Being Present Clearing your mind of distractions Being silent Making eye contact Communicating through body language 9

Session 3: Taking Another’s Perspective Reflecting on origins, life experiences, and values Being curious Affirming strengths Walking a mile in others’ shoes 10

Session 4: Empathetic Listening Acknowledging Paraphrasing Questioning Summarizing Tracking the topic 11

Session 5: Acknowledging Feelings Five strategies for Acknowledging Feelings 1. Noticing and naming the feeling: “There’s a word for that.” 2. Responding to feelings: “Now I named it, what do I say?” 3. Validating feelings: “Your feelings make sense.” 4. Expressing care: “I care about you.” 5. Handling strong emotions: “It’s hard, but we can get through this.” 12 #1 #2 #3 #4 #5

Session 6: Digital Communication Using Texting Using Facebook Using video conferencing 13

Introduction to Session 3 on Taking Another’s Perspective 14

Reflection: Family Focus All of us allow our buttons to be pushed from time to time by others, and sometimes this happens on a rather regular basis with some people in our personal and professional lives. Think of a family with whom you are interacting now or with whom you interacted in the past where “button pushing” has occurred for you. o Briefly describe what was going on that resulted in you having “pushed buttons.” 15

Family Scenario #1 See workshop, p. 2 16

Strategy #1: Engaging in Self- Reflection on Origins, Life Experiences, and Values 17

Your Origins Your origins are your roots – the family and surroundings you were born into and grew up with through adolescence. You cannot change your origins. Although they do not determine who you will become, they are foundations to shaping your life experiences, forming your values, and influencing your reactions to early intervention experiences. 18

Self-Reflection Activity: Origins How have your origins influenced your opinions about Kim’s childcare decision? How have your origins influenced your opinions about your focus family? 19

Your Life Experiences Your life experiences are the opportunities and episodes that have characterized your life since adolescence. Given that life experiences have influenced who you are and how you see the world, you can gain insight about your values by reflecting on your life experiences. 20

Self-Reflection Activity: Life Experiences How have your life experiences influenced your opinions about Kim’s childcare decision? How have your life experiences influenced your opinions about your focus family? 21

Your Values Your values are the principles that guide your life. The next step in self-reflection is to examine your values and consider how they have been formed by your origins and life experiences. Just as origins and life experiences differ greatly among families in early intervention, so do values. 22

Self-Reflection Activity: Values How have your values influenced your opinions about Kim’s childcare situation? How have your values influenced your opinions about your focus family? 23

Strategy #2: Being Curious 24

Use Open-Ended Questions Description o Questions that typically begin with who, what, when, where, and why; they cannot be answered in only a few words. Purpose o Encourage partners to give more detail and talk more in response. 25

Use Open-Ended Questions Rationale o Conveys respect for unique perspectives o Communicates interest o Gives control to other person 26

Childcare is such a challenge for all families and can be even more so for children with special needs. What makes Bernice the right babysitter for Sophie? What pleases you most about your childcare arrangement with Bernice? Recognizing how very much you like your childcare arrangement with Bernice, what might you be interested in changing that would make it even better? 27

Family Scenario #2 See workshop, p. X 28

Strategy #3: Walking a Mile in Others’ Shoes 29

Shoes Test As you take the shoes test with Kim, your task is to experience the childcare situation from her perspective rather than your own. o In what way might Kim’s origins, life experiences, and values influence her perspective about the childcare situation? o What does Kim most value about Sophie’s quality of life? o If you and Kim swapped origins, life experiences, and values (with you living her life and Kim living your life), can you see yourself making a decision similar to Kim’s? 30

Why does Kim feel satisfied with her Bernice? Kim recognizes Sophie as a very loveable child and gives priority to unconditional relationships in which people will love Sophie for who she is, developmental delays and all. Kim values dependability and predictability. She has chosen a childcare arrangement that is likely to be stable and to prevent the disaster of suddenly having Sophie “expelled” from childcare with no other options available. Kim recognizes the value of support for herself. She knows that she needs “chosen family” as her own reliable ally. 31

Self-Reflection At the conclusion of Scenario #1 o What are your feelings and next steps? o Now, standing in Kim’s shoes, what would be her feelings and next steps? At the conclusion of Scenario #2 o What are your feelings and next steps? o Now, standing in Kim’s shoes, what would be her feelings and next steps? 32

Strategy #4: Affirming Strengths 33 (Helps avoid judgmentalness)

Possible Strengths Kim is committed to ensuring that Sophie has unconditional love. She recognizes that unconditional love can contribute to Sophie’s positive self-esteem. Kim is very proactive. Rather than waiting for a crisis to happen, she wants to be preventative in terms of avoiding crises. Kim knows that with the support of friends she will not just survive, she’ll prevail. 34

Affirming Strengths “I can see the sparkle in Bernice’s eyes when she interacts with Sophie. She obviously loves her very much.” “I admire the way you have created a support system you can count on through good times and bad.” “How wonderful that you and Sophie will be with Bernice and her family for Thanksgiving dinner. All of you truly are a family.” 35

Affirming Strengths Affirming strengths requires specific statements. Affirming strengths does not imply agreement with a decision. 36

Strategy #5: Communicating about Awkward Situations 37

Role Playing with Scripts 38

Bottom Line You came prepared to talk about smoking and wisely anticipated that a solution was not the primary focus of this conversation. The main objective was to begin a conversation, to lay the foundation of possible future conversations, and to inform Kim that there are issues of health she might want to explore with Bernice. You also validated several times that you understood how important Bernice is to Kim. 39

Tips: Addressing Awkward Situations Notice and acknowledge when you have concerns or disagreements with decisions that families make. Be aware of any strong, negative, or gut-reactions to family's choices. Just notice it. Take your worries or concerns back to the office to discuss with colleagues or your supervisor. Don't act on your gut reactions right away; just pay attention to them. Reflect on your discomfort or worry. Seek the input of seasoned colleagues or your supervisor. 40

Tips: Addressing Awkward Situations Focus on building trust with the family over several visits. Avoid rushing into a discussion that feels awkward or tender. Employ other strategies discussed in the Empathic Communication Session, such as: Be curious. Affirm strengths. Build rapport. Listen. Use open-ended questions. In beginning the conversation with the family, use words that invite further thought about the issue. ("I am wondering if you might be okay talking about this for a moment." I wanted to think about... Would that be okay with you?") Avoid lecturing or telling families what they "should" do. 41

Tips: Addressing Awkward Situations Acknowledge that the conversation feels a bit awkward. Remind yourself that the initial conversation may not result in an immediate change or agreement with your suggestions or perspective. People often need time to consider a different perspective. They also may need time to trust that they will not be criticized or harshly judged. Remind families that differences in opinion will not interfere with your commitment to working with them. 42

Tips: Addressing Awkward Situations Follow-up in the next visit or two, for example: "I know I brought up the issue of smoking during our last visit. If that wasn't helpful, I hope you will let me know. I want to keep the doors of communication open between us. That's important to me. " Remind yourself that "reality is always bigger than my individual perspective." (Stein-Rubin & Fabus, 2012, p. 49) 43