What is PAS? Do you know what Parental Alienation or Custodial Interference is?

Who here Knows What PAS IS? PAS or Parental Alienation arises when one person or care giver, usually a parent or relative, hostilely and aggressively teaches the children to hate the other parent. It is a form of psychological abuse And therefore a form of Domestic Violence

Does anyone here know any alternative names? HAP or Hostile Aggressive Parenting (Term used by Vernon Beck of Family Conflict in Ontario, CA From the DSM: – Parent-Child Relationship Problem – Relational Problem related to a Mental Disorder or General Medical condition – Relational Problem (other specified/unspecified) – Child Psychological Abuse – Child affected by parental relationship distress – Factitious disorder imposed on another – Delusional symptoms in partner of individual with delusional disorder American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. Arlington, VA, American Psychiatric Association, 2013.

Does anyone know what this boils down to? Psychological Abuse Child Abuse Uncontrolled anger, rage, and hostility A lack of understanding about borders and boundaries of ones emotions toward another human being that is projected through someone else. What I call Borderless Boundaries.

Parental Alienation is NOT…. Typical Teenager’s behavior of wanting to spend time with their friends over spending time with their parents The typical snotty teenager who just is feeling their own independence A child who is/was truly abused Estrangement caused by a parent’s bad behavior Caused by a parent punishing a child for their bad behavior Caused by a parent having to yell at their child Caused by parent being late to pick up their child or drop them off Caused by the food they serve Caused by the roof they provide over their child’s head. Caused by anything that in a normal family would be considered reasonable or acceptable.

What causes a parent to be an Alienating/Aggressive Parent (AP) Extreme Low-self-esteem Belief that they must be perfect or they are not loveable and if they are not loveable they will be abandoned Grief compounded with anger and rage Being stuck in the anger stage of grief Inability to control their impulses and rage Depression

Can you provide some DSM Medical Terms for this type of abuser? Narcissism (301/81) Borderline Personality Disorders (301.83) Adjustment Disorders (309.4) Antisocial Personality Disorder(301.7) Personality Disorder NOS (301.9) such as Shared Delusional Disorder or Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder Medea Syndrome/Complex (From Greek Mythology

Some tactics that the Abuser will use in a PAS situation Munchhausen by Proxy Denial of Visitation False Allegations of abuse Denial of Medical and Educational records or even being involved in child’s care Denigrating and Berating of the other parent to the children or others Aligning others against the Targeted Parent Brainwashing and Programming hatred and rage into the children and others

What is Wrong with this Parent? Does anyone think this AP is mentally ill? Does anyone think this AP should be in counseling? Does anyone know what kind of counseling this parent would need? Does anyone think that an AP would go to counseling?

Sadly Sadly, AP’s left untreated will only get worse. Their depression which makes them marginally Narcissistic and/or Borderline Personality Disorder, will become full- blown Their wall of Narcissistic Protection will eventually lead to pure Narcissism and sociopathic behavior with no impulse control They will continue to be self-destructive while taking the children and others around them down They will continue to grieve and never move forward in a positive way in their lives and neither will the children And this will become a multigenerational problem that grows exponentially.

What Kind of Counseling or Counselor? The counselor needs to be well-trained or versed in Parental Alienation or they will actually cause more damages The counselor can also specialize in Grief and Anger management The counselor must understand Impulse control and management of it. FOO or Family of Origin Issues must be addressed And lastly, figuring out what stage(s) of emotional/mental development the person is missing or lagging in so it can be corrected.

But how do you get an AP to go to Counseling? Get a court order for counseling with a specialist in PAS or Grief/Anger Management Penalties must be set up to ensure that the AP complies with the courts orders And the counselor needs to report back to the courts on a monthly basis as to the progress Having the Court Orders include the 3 Strikes/Your Out!!! program to the parenting plan.

How will you know if there is progress? Progress is easily calculated by the actions of the child and AP. Visitation is not impeded with Children are more easily and possibly happily going to see the targeted parent The verbal abuse and nasty comments about the Targeted parent have stopped Co-parenting is working.

What if there is no progress? This is where the 3 Strikes/Your Out! Program comes in. A 12 week program that allows for only 3 violations of the courts orders. Every 3 weeks an evaluation is done and reported back to the courts by a professional If a parent has violated the courts orders, penalties are assessed in increasing severity. Penalties include increased visitation to the targeted parent with decreased time with the aggressive parent. Gradual Reduction in custody of aggressive parent Loss of custody with only supervised visitation For a parent to regain unsupervised visitation or custody, it takes a panel of 3 professionals (a lawyer, a GAL and counselor) to agree that the parent has been doing the work and progressing in a positive way with their parenting skills and reactions to the divorce.

Additional Penalties Penalties to consider in getting cooperation of an aggressive alienating parent that could be included included in the court order Community Service Monetary Fines or loss of time with the children Weekend Jail if necessary Supervised Visitation And last resort, loss of custody

What about the False Allegations? Question: When is it okay to file false allegations of abuse? Answer: NEVER

What happens when someone files a false allegation of abuse? It causes devastation to everyone involved It causes unnecessary financial, emotional and personal destruction to the targeted parent It causes emotional and mental damages to the children who must keep up the lie, when they know the truth It causes the AP to become further delusional as they now must make this into a reality for them and believe it is true, when they know it is not

What other damages occur with False Allegations? It impedes the process for true victims of abuse by – Taking time away from true victims – Taking resources away from true victims – Taking money away from true victims It is an abuse of the legal system and should be punishable or penalties established to prevent it from happening at all. Why? Because otherwise, people think it is okay to file false allegations as they will not get punished and it teaches the kids the wrong lessons about truth and justice. Why is it not punished? Because the courts fear that true victims will not come forward for fear of being penalized if they cannot prove the abuse.

How does all of this affect the Children medically/mentally? These are just some of the possible problems: Children become overburdened emotionally with adult matters Chronically Enmeshed Relationships Children are vulnerable to maladaptive reaction Acute Distress Disorder (308.3/DSM-IV) Reactive Attachment Disorder (313.89/DSM IV) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (309.81/ DSM IV) which includes estrangement Projective Identification (DSM-IV Part of Borderline Personality Disorder) Splitting (DSM-IV Part of Borderline Personality Disorder) Misdiagnosed as ADD/ADHD or ODD which is really emotional overload and looks like these mental disorders

What can be done to protect the children? Court Order Counseling for the Parents and extended family, especially if they are part of the problem. Court ordered counseling for the parents could eliminate the need for the children to require counseling. Why? Because the alienating tactics would diminish and the children would be free to love both parents equally. But if necessary, the Counselor should have the children seen individually and with each parent separately so they can see the dynamics and hear from the child about what is going on as they see it.

Joan T. Kloth-Zanard Author of Where Did I Go Wrong? How Did I Miss The Signs? PAS Intervention Is a Federally Tax-Exempt Charitable Organization approved for tax deductible contributions under Sec. 501(c)(3) of the IRS & Kloth Consulting 320 North George’s Hill Road Southbury, CT