A/S/L: Safe Online Dating This is designed to be a basic design for your bulletin board. Please feel free to adapt this design to fit the needs of your audience. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact the STOP Violence Office. Knight Hall

A/S/L? SAFE ONLINE DATING

statistics STOP Violence Program Dean of Students Office, Knight Hall , Online dating nationwide increased 15% from May 2009 to May million American use an online dating service Online dating is now worth more than the porn industry 1 in 5 singles have dated someone they met on a dating site.

BEFORE YOU MEET STOP Violence Program Dean of Students Office, Knight Hall , 1. Get an anonymous account. NEVER post your real name anywhere online. Remove it from chat programs, and any accounts that you use for recreational correspondence. If you need to get one, try Yahoo or Hotmail.Yahoo Hotmail 2. Take time! Nothing will give you better prospective than time! Has your date's habits, mood or language inexplicably changed? Are you becoming more suspicious of something with time; perhaps something just doesn't feel right? 3. Get a phone number! Chat on the phone a few times... what can you hear in the background? Do background noises match the information you have been told? Is the household supposed to have children, pets, etc.? Listen, Listen, Listen! Remember to block caller-ID's until you chose to give your number. Note that if you have been asked to call an 800# its likely that your phone number will be recorded on the recipient's phone bill. 4. Verify the phone number! Call Directory Assistance and insure that your date's phone number matches the name they gave you... If your date's number is unlisted, Directory Assistance will verify that 'so and so' has a number, but its unlisted.

BEFORE YOU MEET STOP Violence Program Dean of Students Office, Knight Hall , 5. Call at unanticipated times! Someone who cherishes you will always delight to take your call! Does someone unexpected answer the phone? Does your date seem irritable that you are calling unexpectedly? Perhaps they have something to hide.. Don't be a pest, but try a couple of unanticipated times... just to sense the temperature Ask to have a family photo! Is your date a 'family man?' Is (s)he proud of the children? Do the kids seem to match the details you were told? 7. Get a physical address and mail a card. Use a return address that will not reveal your identity or your physical address (i.e. just use your screen name and a PO Box or work address) and see if the card is returned for any reason. Allow a minimum of 10 days to receive returned mail if the address turns out to be bogus. 8. Ask about previous relationships. Was your date previously married? In any long term relationships? Why did they end? Does there seem to be any remorse? Should there be? Does your date seem to have recovered from the separation or dissolving of the relationship? Always ask "What would the other person say about you?" Listen, listen, listen! If it feels right, ask questions. If it all feels wrong, ask questions. Clarify! If it doesn't seem to add up, it might not!

FIRST DATE STOP Violence Program Dean of Students Office, Knight Hall , 1. Arrange to meet THE PERSON. When meeting for the first time, never allow your date to pick you up from your home. In fact, your date shouldn't even know your home address yet! 2. Meet in public places. For a first meeting, always meet in a public place where other people are in close proximity. You may also want to consider going out with a group of people, or a double date. 3. Go dutch by paying half of the bill. It's always respectful for the man to offer to pay the bill. Unfortunately, some men ruin the gesture by expecting something in return. Therefore it may not be a bad idea for you to go dutch. Pay half the bill so that you won't feel under any obligation to "return" the favor. 4. Remember that alcohol affects your judgment. The biggest threat to a person's judgment, when on a date, is alcohol. Not only does it affect your judgment, but alcohol also lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get so drunk that you don’t know what you are doing. Better yet, try to avoid alcohol on your first date.

FIRST DATE STOP Violence Program Dean of Students Office, Knight Hall , 5. Use your own mode of transportation. Provide your own transportation to your public meeting place and make sure you have more than enough gas. 6. Don't assume that anyone is safe. It's important never to let your guard down when on a first date. Never assume a person is safe just because he claims to be religious or a “gentleman” or “lady.” 7. Don’t let your date know where you live. If you want to see him again, arrange a second date and then take it from there. 8. Avoid secluded areas. Remember - stay in a public place for your first date and avoid secluded areas such as parks.

FIRST DATE STOP Violence Program Dean of Students Office, Knight Hall , 9. Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven’t met them before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn’t feel right, then leave immediately. 10. Always let someone else know where you're going. Be sure someone knows where you are going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night. 11. Give them your cell phone number. It's safer to give out a cell phone number instead of your home phone number. 12. Always remain alert. Even if you’re having a blast and the chemistry is great, it’s a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cell phone on you.

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