How the Bough Bends: The Creation of Family, Kinship and Community by Users of Donated Gametes Leanna Wolfe, Ph.D. Presentation to the American Anthropological Association November 15, 2006

Who Uses Donated Gametes? Single Mothers by Choice (SMCs Single Mothers by Choice (SMCs 17% rise in babies born to unmarried women between % rise in babies born to unmarried women between Lesbian Couples Lesbian Couples Families with Fertility Issues Families with Fertility Issues donor sperm donor sperm donor eggs donor eggs donor embryos donor embryos

The Gamete Donation Business Sperm Banks Sperm Banks California Cryobank shipped 9,600 vials of sperm to single women in California Cryobank shipped 9,600 vials of sperm to single women in Egg Donor Agencies Egg Donor Agencies $8,000 fees are typical $8,000 fees are typical Surrogate Mothers Surrogate Mothers Gestational Surrogates Gestational Surrogates

Research Methods Participant Observation Participant Observation Online Support Groups Online Support Groups Infertility Conferences Infertility Conferences In-Person Support Groups In-Person Support Groups Interviews Interviews Surveys Surveys

What Gamete Recipients Seek Intelligence Intelligence Personality Personality Sperm Donors--sense of humor Sperm Donors--sense of humor Egg Donors--goals Egg Donors--goals Genetics Genetics Phenotype Matches Phenotype Matches Open vs Anonymous Open vs Anonymous Full Legal Rights Full Legal Rights

Sperm Recipients vs Egg Recipients Single Mothers by Choice Single Mothers by Choice Body is Normal; Life is Abnormal Body is Normal; Life is Abnormal If Fertility Challenges; Life and Body both feel Abnormal If Fertility Challenges; Life and Body both feel Abnormal Mothers through Egg Donation Mothers through Egg Donation Life is Normal; Body is Abnormal and for some, Intensely Abnormal Life is Normal; Body is Abnormal and for some, Intensely Abnormal

Single Mother by Choice Profile Late 20s through mid 40s Late 20s through mid 40s Highly Educated with Professional Career Highly Educated with Professional Career Often Financially Secure Often Financially Secure Fiercely Independent Fiercely Independent Family Revolutionaries Family Revolutionaries Clear distinction between themselves and women who become single mothers through divorce or by accident Clear distinction between themselves and women who become single mothers through divorce or by accident Biotime Clock Pressure Biotime Clock Pressure Baby First; Marriage Maybe Baby First; Marriage Maybe

SMC Process (part I) Thinking No more time to wait for Mr. Right No more time to wait for Mr. Right Implications of an SMC Identity Implications of an SMC Identity Networking/Support Groups Networking/Support Groups Finances Finances Personal Support System Personal Support System Let Go of the Western Cultural Dream of Parenting with a Beloved Husband Let Go of the Western Cultural Dream of Parenting with a Beloved Husband

I’ve faced that I’m not going to have this picket-fence-y life…now I have permission to directly pursue what I want. It’s a very curious and ambivalent liberation, because I would rather not be single. It’s not my first choice. TTC Choice Mother

SMC Process (part II) (Separation) Trying to Conceive (TTC) Trying to Conceive (TTC) Scheduled Inseminations Scheduled Inseminations 2 week wait 2 week wait Fertility Boosters Fertility Boosters IUI, IVF, hormone regimens IUI, IVF, hormone regimens Many were unaware how fragile female fertility is Many were unaware how fragile female fertility is Deciding on a Donor Deciding on a Donor Anonymous vs. Open Anonymous vs. Open Dream Guy vs. Similar Phenotype to Herself Dream Guy vs. Similar Phenotype to Herself Sperm Bank vs. Private Arrangement Sperm Bank vs. Private Arrangement

When it came to donor selection, I found it almost as difficult as selecting a husband, but was thankfully more successful at it. It was a fascinating process in that the package of traits I focussed on were different from those I looked at on a date or in a relationship. Choice Mother of a one year old child

My very first consideration for choosing a donor was that he be “open” or willing to meet my child after he or she turns 18…. Intelligence was a huge factor as well. I have a lot of my own identity wrapped up in intelligence and really want the same for my child. TTC Choice Mother

I weighed phenotype pretty heavily until I realized that there was not an unlimited catalogue of donors from which to choose. Then I went with intelligence and personality. Choice Mother of two children

SMC Process (part III) (liminal phase) Pregnancy Pregnancy Fear Fear Begin incorporating New Identity Begin incorporating New Identity Start Building Support System Start Building Support System Social, Physical, Emotional Social, Physical, Emotional May Stop Dating May Stop Dating Shift in expectations from relationships with men Shift in expectations from relationships with men

SMC Process (part IV) (re-incorporation) Birth Birth Parenting Parenting Allomothers and Daddies Allomothers and Daddies Support Systems Support Systems Blood Family Blood Family Other SMCs Other SMCs Extended Family via Donor Sibling Registry Extended Family via Donor Sibling Registry Networks can be akin to a polygynous family without the financial support or physical presence of the progenitor/father. Networks can be akin to a polygynous family without the financial support or physical presence of the progenitor/father.

Its exceptionally important that my son know other children who are “like him” so that he does not feel like an anomaly. I have found that having a child on my own has made him something of a community baby….unlike married couples who want/expect privacy on these issues. Choice Mother of a one year old child

Egg Recipient Profile Married/Nuclear Family Married/Nuclear Family some SMCs some SMCs 30s-early 50s 30s-early 50s Fertility Problems Fertility Problems often age-related often age-related unsuccessful with IUI/IVF treatments unsuccessful with IUI/IVF treatments Very much want children OR siblings for their birth children Very much want children OR siblings for their birth children

Egg Recipient Process (part I) Thinking Thinking Acceptability of Non-Genetic Connection to child? Acceptability of Non-Genetic Connection to child? Costs? Very Expensive Costs? Very Expensive Donor Fees, Lab Fees, Limited Insurance Coverage Donor Fees, Lab Fees, Limited Insurance Coverage Tell Others? Keep Secret? Tell Others? Keep Secret? Compare to Adoption Compare to Adoption More control over prenatal environment More control over prenatal environment Health Considerations Health Considerations for both mother and babies for both mother and babies

Egg Recipient Process (part II) (separation) Trying to Conceive Trying to Conceive Selecting a Donor Selecting a Donor Protocols Protocols Sync up recipient and donors menstrual cycles Sync up recipient and donors menstrual cycles IVF process for donor IVF process for donor Uterine prep process for recipient Uterine prep process for recipient Transfer Transfer 2 week wait 2 week wait

Most Important Egg Donor Qualities

Desired Egg Donor Qualities

Regarding Race/Ethnicity, we wanted someone who blended well with us…they didn’t have to match me! I had no interest in telling the general public about our infertility issues… It all worked out in the end, I went with my gut and I wasn’t wrong. DE Mother

One of the things that “spoke” to me about her was a photo. She had an expression that could have been me in college. She didn’t look like me. She was no clone. But something in that expression spoke to me. DE Mother of two children

We mainly looked at her smile. That was huge. She seemed to love life Expectant DE Mother

Egg Recipient Process (part III) (liminal phase) Pregnancy Pregnancy Often Difficult Often Difficult Miscarriages Miscarriages embryos that might otherwise have never implanted embryos that might otherwise have never implanted Premature Births Premature Births Multiples Multiples anxiety over carrying/raising twins+ anxiety over carrying/raising twins+

Egg Recipient Process (part IV) (re-incorporation) Birth Birth C-sections common C-sections common Immediate Love for the Baby Immediate Love for the Baby Babies treated w/extreme care & devotion Babies treated w/extreme care & devotion Postpartum Depression Rare Postpartum Depression Rare Very relieved to finally become a Mother Very relieved to finally become a Mother Parenting Parenting Join the world of “normal” parents Join the world of “normal” parents

Conclusions Gamete seekers focus on intelligence, personality and phenotype Gamete seekers focus on intelligence, personality and phenotype Seek “normal” gametes to create “normal” families Seek “normal” gametes to create “normal” families Family/Community Revolutionaries? Family/Community Revolutionaries? Donor Sibling Registry Donor Sibling Registry DE support through conception process but little interest in social networking for parenting. DE support through conception process but little interest in social networking for parenting. New Definitions of Family and Community New Definitions of Family and Community