7 TOP RELATIONSHIP TIPS VALENTINE’S DAY WORKSHOP KAREN VINEYARD CHURCH FEB/14 TH /2015

1. Seek Help Early The average couple waits 6 years before seeking help for relationship problems. (And keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first 7 years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.

2. Edit Yourself The happiest couples avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics

3. Soften Your “Start Up” Arguments often “start up” because one partner escalates the conflict by making a critical or contemptuous remark. Bringing up problems gently and without blame works much better.

Acceptance and Respect Do not do unto those close to you what you would not have done unto others (who’re not so close to you).” 4. Accept Influence From Your Partner Accept influence from your partner Challenging the behavior, not person Avoiding hostility, insults, contempt Keeping disputes private

5. Have High Standards Happy couples have high standards for each other. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. Low levels of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship equals a happier couple down the road.

6. Learn To Repair And Exit The Argument Happy couples have learned how to exit an argument, or how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Examples of repair attempts: using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground; backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you often have to yield to win);

7. Focus On The Positives In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot” as opposed to “We never have any fun.” A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make regular deposits to your emotional bank accounts!

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3