LOVE, MARRIAGE READINESS, AND MARRIAGE Chapters 26-30

Ch. 26 First Steps to Love

Learning to Love  The desire to love and be loved in natural  Learn to love through experience and observation  Lifelong process that builds on stages  Called the Ladder of Love

Ladder of Love Stage One: Self Love Stage Two: Love of Caregiver Stage Three: Love of Peers/Friends Stage Four: Hero Love -admiration of an older person Stage Five: Love of Opposite Gender --this is the stage teens are in Stage Six: Mature Love --builds over time and lasts --stage people find hardest to recognize and attain

Becoming a Couple  Drawn together by attraction  Can be physical attraction or a specific personal trait  Compatibility Share interests, values, and attitudes  Honesty Express feelings and don’t fear rejection  Respect Take interest in other person’s activities and personality  Mutual support Supportive and encourage one another  Independence Enjoy time together but also apart Allows family and friend interactions

Dating  Customs vary across cultures and age groups  Teens gain poise and self- confidence through dating  Can be difficult and can pose certain risks  Age varies among families and parents  Should be mature

Date Abuse  Possibility exists between partners  Abusive people see violence as a way to solve problems  Can be emotional or physical

Infatuation  An intense emotional involvement that begins with sudden strong attractions  Very real and powerful  Couple wants to spend all their time together and share their feelings  Emotionally immersed in each other  Unrealistic  Natural

Mature Love  Mutual caring, sharing, respect, support, and commitment  Can begin with a sudden, strong attraction but most of the time it begins slowly and quickly

Characteristics of Mature Love Secure and Comfortable Shared Interests Similar Beliefs and Goals Highly Focused on the Other Person Accepting but Realistic Responsible Respectful Able to Put Attraction in Perspective Lasting

When Relationships End  Be straightforward & choose words that are not hurtful  Move on as quickly as possible  Recovery:  Feelings of: Hurt Betrayal Self-doubt Sadness

Chapter 27 Sexual Behavior

Sexual Development  Begins in the teen years  Decisions you make about sexual behavior will have a great impact on your life  Sexuality-beliefs about sexual behavior  Affects your behavior  Affects your present relationships  Has an effect on your future relationships

Sexual Development  Influenced by:  Sexual pressures  Media influences  Peer influences

Consequences of Sexual Behavior  Emotional consequences:  Trust issues  Difficulty committing in future relationships  Loss of self-esteem  Physical consequences:  STD’s  HIVS & AIDS  Pregnancy

Sexually Transmitted Diseases  Illnesses spread through sexual contact  19 million new infections each year  ½ of cases are in people ages  Can cause sterility—inability to have children  Some can be cured… others last a lifetime  Possibility some can be fatal All are preventable!!!

Chapter 29 Choosing Marriage

Purposes of Engagement  Engagement: promise or intention to marry  Time to prepare for the wedding  4 purposes

Purposes of Engagement  Family goals, spending patterns, cleanliness habits  Identity Differences  Think “we” rather than “I”  Use Teamwork Skills  Trust  Communication  Compromise Learn About Each OtherDevelop Teamwork

Purposes of Engagement  With future in-laws, friends, and children  When children are involved:  Be ready for stress!!!  Emotions will run high  Premarital counseling— when couples get advice from trained professionals before marriage  Helps focus on reasons for marrying  Shows potential trouble spots Establish New RelationshipsSeek Advice

Broken Engagements  About 1/3 rd of all engagements are broken before marriage  Reasons:  Find they’re not ready for marriage  Lack of parental approval  Conflicting traits and values Can be painful, but not as painful as a troubled marriage or divorce!

Making Wedding Plans

A Ceremony with Significance  All weddings are different, but they all have important purposes  Formal, legal display of commitment and start of a new family

Contracts and Customs  Enter into a contract—binding agreement between 2 or more people  Overseen by the state and made official with a marriage license  Include customs—common practices among many people that has been handed down from the past  Can be regional, ethnic, or family traditions

Marriage Laws  Rules about minimal age, mental soundness, and diseases, blood ties  In the US—controlled by each state  Couples must meet the requirements of the state where the ceremony will be held for the marriage to be legal  Some states require blood tests before getting a marriage license—checks for STD’s and other communicable diseases  Purpose is to make sure couples know about possible conditions… not to prevent marriage

Marriage Laws  Each state has a time frame for getting license  Some require a license at least 3 days before wedding, others are no more than 30 days before  Must be performed by a authorized person and be witnessed… once it is signed and filed the marriage becomes legal

Prenuptial Agreements  Agreements about special concerns before a marriage  Deals with 3 main issues:  Protecting property  Establishing ownership  Defining roles

Ceremonies  Can have personal touches  Must meet legal requirements  Can be civil or religious  Civil: judge, justice of the peace  Religious: in a church and done by a preacher or other religious official  Vows (declare commitment to each other)  Must fit in the family’s budget

Wedding Receptions  Bride and groom are received by family and friends  Can be simple or elaborate  Can have specific foods, music, decorations

Customs  Vary on ethnic background, religion, geography  Exchange of rings  Worn on ring finger of left hand because it is the only finger that has a vein going directly to the heart  Wedding showers/engagement parties

The Honeymoon  Time for couples to spend time together and begin adjusting to marriage  May travel and take time off work to celebrate  Remember your responsibilities and budget

Planning a Successful Wedding  Can be time consuming and complicated  Managing Expenses  Bride’s family pays for the ceremony  Groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner  Be realistic and don’t overspend  Thinking of Others  Think of yourself  Keep those involved in wedding informed