The Heart of Anger Various Proverbs

 We have seen that the book of Proverbs was written to give us wisdom and that wisdom is what gives us the skill and knowledge that we need to deal with the complexities of life – even in areas outside of what is moral or immoral.  Today we will look at what Proverbs (and other texts of scripture) have to say about the subject of anger.

 The Power and Purpose of Anger  When Anger is Good  How Anger Goes Wrong  How to Deal With Your Anger  The Ultimate Anger

 “Anger is the dynamite of the soul and as a result it has the power to disintegrate things.” (Tim Keller in a sermon on “anger”)  “Anger is an emotion that God gives us for the purpose of destroying something.” (Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger, p. 53)  “Anger is designed to motivate us to take positive action when we encounter injustice.” (Gary Chapman, Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, p.23)

 Anger, like other strong emotions, can disintegrate your body: Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy [or “passion” - NASB] makes the bones rot. (Proverbs 14:29-30)  All kinds of research shows that anger is harder on your body and heart than anxiety, sorrow, or any other emotion. It is harder on your heart than extreme physical exertion. Nothing sets you up for heart disease and heart attacks and nothing rots your bones and disintegrates your body like anger. (Keller – sermon on anger)

 Anger not only disintegrates the body, but it disintegrates community :  A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention (15:18)  Scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away wrath. (29:8)  A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. (29:22)  For as the churning of milk produces butter and as punching the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife. (30:33 - NET)

 The anger of a righteous king is directed at and destroys evildoers in society:  A king's wrath is a messenger of death, and a wise man will appease it. (16:14)  The terror of a king is like the growling of a lion; whoever provokes him to anger forfeits his life. (20:2)  My son, fear the LORD and the king, and do not join with those who do otherwise… (24:21)  Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval… For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. (Rom 13:3b-4)

 Unrestrained anger disintegrates your ability to make wise choices:  A man of quick temper acts foolishly… (14:17a)  Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (14:29)  A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (29:11)  Anger often distorts your view of the world so that you make stupid choices. After you’ve cooled off, you feel like a fool because you were a fool!  Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. (Ambrose Bierce cited by Chapman, p.36)

 We can see the destructive power of anger, but that’s not all that the Bible has to say about anger. Anger can be a good thing:  God is often angry - God is a righteous judge, and a God who feels indignation every day. (Psalm 7:11)  Jesus (in His humanity) was sometimes angry - And [Jesus] looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart… (Mar 3:5a)  We as believers are commanded to be angry in certain circumstances - Be angry [note this is a command] and do not sin… (Eph 4:26a)

 We are commanded to be angry, which means that at times it can be a sin not to be angry!  One of the early church fathers, John Chrysostom (349–407), put it this way:  … the person who becomes angry without reason, sins … Further, the person who does not become angry when he has cause to be, sins. For an unreasonable patience is the hotbed of many vices: it fosters negligence, and stimulates not only the wicked, but above all the good, to do wrong. (Homily XI super Matheum, 1c, nt.7)

 How do we distinguish a good and righteous anger from a sinful anger?  If you are angry over behavior that is truly unjust or sinful then your anger is righteous.  If you are angry merely because of personal suffering or unfulfilled desires, then your anger is sinful:  What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (James 4:1-2a)

 The Bible tells us that a righteous anger is:  Slow  Proportional to the Offense  Short lived

 The ideal in the Bible is not “no anger” but “slow anger”  Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (14:29)  A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. (15:18)  Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. (16:32)  Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. (19:11)

 Our model for “slow anger” is the Lord Himself – over and over in the Bible God characterizes Himself as “slow to anger”:  The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty… (Exodus 34:6b-7a)

 In contrast to righteous, “slow” anger, sinful anger tends to:  React too quickly: Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (14:29)  Overreact: A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29:11 - NIV)

 Our anger should be short-lived, which means we should deal with it quickly and then let it go:  Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26)  So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser… (Matthew 5:23-25a)

 Admit it  Restrain it  Deal with it  Let it go

 Anger is difficult to admit, because we tend to want to hide it from others and even ourselves:  Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. (26:24-26)

 As we have already seen, when we are angry we tend to:  React too quickly: Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly. (14:29)  Overreact: A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29:11 - NIV)  If you find yourself overwhelmed by strong feelings of anger, take time to cool off before acting on your anger.

 Examine your anger carefully to determine if it is a righteous anger – if it’s not, you need to confess it and let it go.  If, after careful examination, you determine that someone has wronged you, you have two options:  Overlook the offense and let it go – Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. (19:11)  Lovingly confront the person with whom you are angry - If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault… (Matthew 18:15ff)

 If you decide to lovingly confront a person you believe has wronged you:  Do so gently - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (15:1)  Get the facts - The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.(18:17)  Get the facts - The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him. (18:17)  Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20)

 If you decide to lovingly confront the person:  Do so gently - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (15:1)  Get the facts - The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.(18:17)  Get the facts - The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him. (18:17)  Be quick to hear, slow to speak - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20)

 There are three possible outcomes to a confrontation with someone you believe has wronged you:  If they are able to show you that you were wrong – repent and ask their forgiveness.  If they agree that they wronged you and repent – forgive them.  If the two of you are unable to come to an agreement, you must either:  Escalate - Enlist the help of others to resolve the conflict.  Overlook the offense and let it go.

 We have been looking at our anger, but the ultimate anger that we must face is the righteous anger that God has against us!  Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents [= millions of dollars]. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.” And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. (Mat. 18:23-27)

 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii [= a few thousand dollars], and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, “Pay what you owe.” So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.” He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. (Matthew 18:28-31)

 Then his master summoned him and said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. (Matthew 18:32-35)