Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four © 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

Developing Intimate Relationships Be willing to give of yourself –Share ideas, feelings, time, and needs Self-concept and self-esteem –Accept and feel good about yourself –Roots of our identity and sense of self –Developed during childhood Relationships with parents and other family members Gender role Type of attachment 2

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Friendship Characteristics –Companionship –Respect –Acceptance –Help –Trust –Loyalty –Mutuality –Reciprocity 3

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Love, Sex, and Intimacy Most basic and profound human emotions Encompasses opposites: –Affection and anger –Excitement and boredom –Stability and change –Bonds and freedom Love does not give us perfect happiness, but it does give our lives meaning Positive factors that draw people together 4

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Relationships Strong relationships –Trust –Caring –Respect –Loyalty –Interest in the other –Concern with others’ well-being 5

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. The Pleasure and Pain of Love Intense love has confused and tormented lovers throughout history Passionate love –Recognize the human emotions have two components: 1.Physiological arousal 2.Emotional explanation for the arousal 6

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. The Transformation of Love All relationships change over time At first, there are high levels of passion and increasing intimacy Reduction of romance/passion leads to the transformation of enduring love 7

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Challenges in Relationships Honesty and openness Unequal or premature commitment Unrealistic expectations –Expecting your partner to change –Assumptions –Unsupported beliefs Competitiveness –Focus on fun Balance of time together and apart Jealousy –Not an element of love Supportiveness 8

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Unhealthy Relationships Reasons why? Ending a Relationship –Guidelines of a breakup: Give the relationship a fair chance Be fair and honest Be tactful and compassionate If you are the rejected person, make time for resolving your anger and pain Recognize the value in the experience 9

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Communication Nonverbal communication –Ability to interpret nonverbal messages Communication skills –Self-disclosure –Listening –Feedback is a constructive response Gender differences in communication –Men Establish dominance and may be competitive Men talk more and listen less –Women Communicate in an affiliative way Perhaps want to establish friendships Seek advice Obtain cues from listening and eye contact 10

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Conflict and Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships 1.Clarify the issue. 2.Find out what each person wants. 3.Determine how you both can get what you want. 4.Decide how to negotiate. 5.Solidify the agreements. 6.Review and renegotiate. 11

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Pairing and Singlehood Choosing a Partner. –Similarities (to your own) Same geographic area, similar ethnic and socioeconomic background, similar educational level, similar lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits –First attraction – observable characteristics –Personality traits and behaviors become more significant –Most important question is, “How much do we have in common?” 12

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Dating Different cultures have different rituals for finding a mate –Centers on a mutually enjoyable activity American culture –Getting to know each other –Traditional male-female dating pattern –Dating of young people “today” –“Hooking up” 13

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Living Together Cohabitation 30 years old –Half of all men and women have cohabited Factors of acceptance of premarital sex Advantages (autonomy) Liabilities (legal issues) 14

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Same-Sex Partnerships Gay and Lesbian –Sexual orientation –Homosexual relationships in relation to heterosexual relationships –Traditional gender roles –Societal attitudes Same-sex marriage Civil rights “Homophobia” 15

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Singlehood Diverse group 115 million single individuals Median age for marriage is 27.7 years for men and 26.1 years for women Factors that contribute to a growing number Advantages Disadvantages 16

Figure 4.1 Marital status of the U.S. population ages 15 years and older, © 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

Marriage Benefits of marriage Issues of marriage –Realistic expectations –Feels good about the personality of their mate –Communication –Conflict resolution –Religious and ethical values –Egalitarian roles –Good balance of individual and joint interests Role of commitment 18

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Separation and Divorce Why high rates? –50-55% chance of divorcing –Process of divorce Emotional separation is the first step Physical separation –Greatest stress-producing event next to the death of a spouse or family member –Recovery from divorce –Remarriage 19

Family Life Preparing for parenthood Becoming a parent –Stressful transition –Must learn quickly –Marital roles may change –Jobs may change –Marital satisfaction may decline 20 © 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

Parenting Parenting styles –Authoritarian –Authoritative –Permissive (or indulgent) –Uninvolved Children’s temperaments –Easy children –Difficult children –Slow-to-warm-up children 21

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Parenting and the Family Life Cycle Provide a balance of firm limits and clear structure High levels of: –Warmth –Nurturing –Respect –Growth of independence 22

Figure 4.3 The Growth of Single-Parent Families in the United States, © 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.

Single-Parent Families U.S. Census Bureau –26% of all children under 18 live with only one parent Traditional family life cycle may be reversed (baby first, then marriage) Difficulties experienced as a single parent Single fatherhood Children from single-parent families 24

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Stepfamilies or Blended Families About 3 out of 4 divorced women and 4 out of 5 divorced men will remarry Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of a primary family Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy primary families Allow for more individual differences. Gain more of a sense of being as family as they build a history. 25

© 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved. Successful Families Commitment Appreciation Communication Time together Spiritual wellness Coping with stress and crisis 26

Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter Four © 2012 McGraw-Hill Companies. All Rights Reserved.