SELF CARE Peter McBride

SELF CARE Caring in the context of suicide The cost of caring The consequence of caring

The Context of Caring: Is ministry different to other caring professions? What is the impact of caring in the context of suicide?

Ontological vs. Functional Ontological - I do what I do because it’s who I am Vs. Functional - I do what I do because: It’s what I’m good at It pays the mortgage It’s what I’m trained to do Etc.

Expectations: Of ourselves - but often projected into others Unrealistic Without boundaries Emotional polarities “Emotionally I don’t feel I can completely trust persons in the church with real feelings - and I include my clergy colleagues - who often try to give the impression that everything is perfect.”

Caring in the context of suicide: In a yet to be published survey of clergy attitudes towards suicide: 94% said that they had received “no, or not enough,” training on dealing with suicide 98% said that they were “not confident at all” or “somewhat confident” in dealing with a suicide 80% had experience of having to support a family after suicide Our empathic care for those bereaved by suicide can leave us with exaggerated personal feelings of despair, helplessness, hopelessness and powerlessness.

The cost of caring - Burnout: “A constellation of work-related symptoms: emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation (the quality of treating another person as an object), and a lack of personal accomplishment. (Maslach & Leiter, 1996) While burnout is strongly associated with depression, an important difference is that burnout is job-related: leaving one’s job usually results in a resolution of symptoms. (Doolittle 2007)

Clergy - the pastoral paradox… In a large study of 1500 clergy: 36% felt “used up” 20% felt “frustrated” 19% felt “emotionally drained” 14% identified themselves as burnt out BUT the same group also reported: 90% felt high levels of satisfaction 81% would go into parish ministry again 76% felt exhilarated by parish ministry 75% felt that they had accomplished many worthwhile things

How does this happen? Secondary trauma  A traumatic reaction is transmitted from the victim to the carer through the telling of the story and empathic listening  Is often the result of multiple exposure to trauma survivors  Can have as devastating an effect as direct trauma

The same skills and abilities that make you an excellent pastor, can also make you vulnerable to emotional burnout

Identifying the signs  General emotional and physical tiredness  Increasing irritability  “compassion fatigue”  Withdrawal - family and friends  Over involvement with suffering  Breakdown of boundaries  Loss of spirituality  Increased cynicism  Physical illness

How do we care for ourselves: What we can do… What we need to allow others to do…

What we can do…? +ve coping strategies-ve coping strategies AcceptanceSelf-blame Active copingDisengagement PlanningVenting Personal reframingDistraction / Denial

What can we do…? Make our care and concern for our own well-being a priority… Physical Emotional Spiritual Decide upon boundaries and stick to them… Time Role Develop a more compassionate relationship with ourselves…

What can we do…? Create and maintain a support network in which you are held accountable for your well-being… Provide support and challenge to others… Assume that the work you do is affecting your well- being… Create a turbulent network of varied professionals… Seek out a mentor / counsellor… Foster opportunities for reflection on your personal process / journey… Understand what drives/motivates you… Enjoy being human!!!!!!