Teen Talk Tips on Talking to Teens

It was the best of times, It was the worst of times….

ENDURING UNDERSTANDINGS Talking to a teen is a dynamic process that requires reflection in order to remain respectful, healthy and positive Communication & parenting styles are closely related Parents must work with their teen to maintain positive communication Communication within a family should be developmentally appropriate and adjusted over time Communication within a family should remain safe & supportive

ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS How do you keep communication with a teen respectful, healthy and positive? What are communication styles? What are parenting styles? How are they related? What strategies help to maintain positive communication with a teen? How do you ensure that your communication with your teen is developmentally appropriate over time? What does safe & supportive communication look like?

COMMUNICATION STYLES Aggressive – Ready or likely to attack or confront with words and/or actions, in a hurtful threatening way. Passive – Accepting or allowing what happens or what others do, without responding or resisting. Assertive – Standing up for your right to be treated fairly. It is expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings of others in a supportive way.

Learning Activity

SCENARIOS You receive a call during the school day from the principal of your child's middle school. They inform you that your child was caught deliberately plagiarizing on a paper in Social Studies and would like you to talk to your child about it. When your child comes home from school you ask how their day was and they reply with a quick "fine." Consider the 3 different communication. Discuss different ways of responding. First response. Just right response. Strategies for repairing if you are “too hard” or “too soft”. Your child goes to Sri Lanka on a Week Without Walls trip and when they arrive home you are informed by the trip leader that your child was caught out of bounds with another student in a room they were not supposed to be in. On the drive from the airport your child says very little about the trip and seems unwilling to engage in conversation about it. Consider the 3 different communication styles. Discuss different ways of responding. First response. Just right response. Strategies for repairing if you are “too hard” or “too soft”.

PARENTING STYLES Authoritarian – parenting marked by a high demand of children and strict discipline, but with little to no warmth or compassion. Also referred to as a Drill Sergeant Parent. Permissive – parenting with few to no demands and with a high-level of warmth. Also referred to as Laissez-Faire Parenting. These types of parents often try to be friends with their child without exhibiting a parental role. Authoritative – parenting characterized by a child-centered approach with high demands but also high levels of warm and responsiveness. Typically thought of as a medium between Authoritarian & Permissive. Encourage children to be independent but still place limits on their actions.

Learning Activity

SCENARIOS You receive a phone call from another parent who says your child was writing harassing Facebook posts about her child. The parent says their child does not want to go to school the next day because the comments on Facebook makes them so uncomfortable. When your child arrives home you calmly bring it up with your child and they immediately become angry and begin yelling at you about how much they dislike this student. Consider the 3 different parenting styles. Discuss different ways of responding. First response. Just right response. Strategies for repairing if you are “too hard” or “too soft”. You find a cigarette butt close to your home’s back door. No one in your home is a smoker and you fear your child may have smoked it. You decide to check your child’s jacket that is hanging by the door and find a packet of cigarettes. When your child arrives home from school they deny that they smoked cigarettes but are unable to explain who’s pack of cigarettes was in their jacket. Consider the 3 different parenting styles. Discuss different ways of responding. First response. Just right response. Strategies for repairing if you are “too hard” or “too soft”.

TEEN TALK – TOP TEN Become an expert in adolescent development Be available during times of pain, wrong choices, and failure. All necessary for growth. Be open to talk through decision- making. Help them “plan, do, review” Provide love, boundaries, and personal power for your teen Create comfortable moments for open & honest communication. Engage in conversation, rather than directing Identify non-negotiables. Be willing to discuss and compromise. Listen with respect to what they say. Listen to words and look for underlying emotions. Ask if help is wanted or needed, before giving advice. Model positive communication

TEEN TALK RESOURCES How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber & Mazlish Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down by Leman Parenting with Love & Logic by Cline & Fay Positive Discipline by Nelsen & Lott Words Kids Need to Hear by Staal Please Stop the Roller Coaster om/ om/ Sue Blaney Parenting Teens Slide Share ey ey