Grandparents and Grandchildren Together

Roles of Grandparents Protector Role Model Teacher Play Partner Caregiver

Roles of Grandparents Protector Well-being Safety Comfort Emotional support

Roles of Grandparents Role Model Definition: A person who serves as an example, including his or her actions, values, and attitudes Role models can also be persons who distinguish themselves in such a way that others admire and want to be like them.

Roles of Grandparents Teacher Daily activity Morals and values History

Roles of Grandparents Play Partner  Join in play activities that children choose  Attend a child’s soccer game and cheer  Play a board game, toss a ball, sip “tea” in dress-up clothes, or make a kite and fly it  Have fun with your grandchild

Roles of Grandparents Caregiver  Extent to which grandparents are responsible for caregiving varies

Grandparent - Caregiver Continuum   “Traditional” “Custodial”

Types of Grandparent Caregivers The “day care” grandparent The “living with” grandparent The “custodial” grandparent or “kin caregiver”

Kin Caregivers and Caregiving Arrangements Informal or private arrangements  does not involve a child welfare agency Formal or kinship foster care  when kin act as foster parents for children in state custody Voluntary kinship care  when child welfare agencies help arrange the placement of a child with a relative but do not seek court action to obtain custody of the child

Reasons for Custodial Care  Teen pregnancy  Military deployment  Parental poverty or financial difficulties  Parental death  Parental incarceration  Parental substance abuse  Parental neglect  Family violence  Mental health issues  Other parental illnesses

Percent of Grandparents Responsible for their Grandchildren: 2005

Common Difficulties of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren  Grandparent’s health  physical health problems  issue of stamina  emotionally and physically drained  Financial difficulties  Grandchildren suffering with emotional problems or a variety of disabilities  Change in grandparent’s lifestyle  Isolation from other family members  Jealousy from other grandchildren

Emotions Grandparents May Feel Toward Adult Children Many grandparents experience stress in dealing with adult children.  Guilt, embarrassment, feelings of failure They have concerns about:  Conflict over disciplinary decisions  Visits from parents under the influence of drugs/alcohol  Adult children who assert their parental rights  Shame related to their adult child’s behavior

Communicating with Adult Children about Your Grandchildren Don’t let family ties be an excuse for rudeness Think before you talk Build a foundation of good feelings Don’t make statements about how you raised your children Love your adult child as well as your grandchild

How to Make It Work When You and Your Child Clash Intervention may be necessary Intervention may be desirable Grandparents may want to offer advice Creating a family childcare agreement

How do Grandparents Adjust and Cope? Feelings of exhaustion, stress, depression Personal resources to help cope Adult children Community services Church/charitable organizations Support groups Draw strength from the love for the grandchildren Find joy and satisfaction in your role Pre-crisis preparation

Understanding Child Behavior and Development Infancy (birth to 2 years) Early childhood (3 - 6 years) Later childhood ( years) Adolescence ( years) Emerging adulthood ( years) Young adulthood (30 – 39 years) Middle adulthood (40 – 64 years) Older adulthood (65+ years)

Understanding Child Development Areas of Development: Physical and motor development  Development of body Cognitive development  Solving problems Social and emotional development  How children get along with others and how they feel Communication and language development  Describes verbal and nonverbal skills

Questions to Ask Yourself How is my grandchild developing in each of the four described areas? Do my expectations match my grandchild’s abilities and skills? If my grandchild seems behind in one or more areas or has health problems, am I seeking advice or help from a professional? Is my grandchild getting what he/she needs? What do I need? Am I getting the help I need to take care of my grandchild in the best way possible?

Taking Care of Yourself Taking better care of yourself means taking better care of grandchildren!

Taking Care of Yourself Face your feelings Guard your health; Exercise Take a break Ask for help Have some fun

Taking Care of Yourself: Facing Your Feelings And Emotional Strains Anger Resentment Guilt Loneliness Stress You looked forward to this time in your life…you had big plans…and now the plans are on hold You wanted to be a grandparent, NOT a parent You want to spoil your grandchildren, NOT discipline them You might feel responsible because your son/daughter can’t take care of your grandchild

Benefits of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren  Closer relationship with grandchildren  Opportunity to pass on wisdom, stories, memories, traditions, and family history  Conflicts resolution between parents and their children  Experiencing the love, joy, satisfaction, and accomplishment that come with seeing their grandchild grow and succeed.

Joys and Satisfaction in Raising Grandchildren Provide children with a sense of security Experience a sense of biological and emotional self-renewal through your grandchildren, new social networks, and emotional self-fulfillment Support the positive development of a generation that carries a family forward Help them to grow in their self-confidence, self-identity, and self- respect

The Bottom Line Build on family strengths Work with other adults involved in caring for your grandchildren. If values, communication with each other, and ways of working with the children are consistent, there is much greater likelihood of “growing them” successfully.

Sources AARP: sheet.html and sheet.htmlhttp:// Amy F. Hosier, Ph.D., State Family Life Specialist, Kentucky Cooperative Extension, University of Kentucky Craig and Dunn (2007). Understanding Human Development. Pearson Education Google Images, for Kentucky map on slide #14. © 2009 Google Microsoft Word 2007, for photo collage on title slide and photo on slide #7. © 2007 Microsoft Corporation National Resource Center for Respite and Crisis Care Services The Ohio State University Extension Service University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension and LaVona Traywick, Ph.D., Assistant Professor and Gerontology Specialist

Carole A. Gnatuk, Ed.D. Extension Specialist for Child Development March 2010 Copyright © 2010 for materials developed by University of Kentucky Cooperative Extension. This publication may be reproduced in portions or its entirety for educational or nonprofit purposes only. Permitted users shall give credit to the author(s) and include this copyright notice. Educational programs of Kentucky Cooperative Extension serve all people regardless of race, color, age, sex, religion, disability, or national origin. Grandparents and Grandchildren Together