Adult Child and Parent Relationships: The Separation Problem in Russia

Child – Parent Relationships 2 / 16 Child-Parent Relationships  The central role in a person’s ontogenesis  Mostly childhood and teenage period till 1970s-80s  Adult children were not the focus 1970s - present mid 19 th century – mid 20 th century  Child-parent relationships matter at any age  Interest in adult child-parent relationships increased  Various studies on adult children and their parents

Current Research 3 / 16 Sociological aspects (e.g. Rossi&Rossi; Bengston; Lye) Frequency of contact Material help Research on Adult Child – Parent Relationships Psychological aspects (e.g. Cicirelli, Troll, Fingerman) Influence on each other (e.g. Pillmer, Knoester) Geographical distance Level of attachment Feelings Attitude Mental Health Psychological distress Views, values etc.

Issue №1 What contributes to the core changes in Adult Child and Parent Relationships ?

- High level of dependence and merging with parents especially mother - Attachment bonds are being established (necessary conditions for mental health of the future adult (e.g. Bowlby) Changes with age: moving towards independence and separation - New status acquisition which reflect the core changes - Sharing roles of adults, becoming “partners” - Structural and emotional separation The Evolution of Child-Parent Relationships When the child is born the emotional and physical ties with parents are very strong From merging to separation

- The separation process in mythology as a way of creation of new entities - The process of initiation as a way to be “reborn” as an adult in ancient societies - Separation from parents as a way to individuation (e.g. Hollis) and differentiation (e.g. Bowen). Reflections in myths, folklore and literature - The myths of creation, the Odyssey, the Return of the Prodigal Son, the idea of marriage as dying and being reborn in a new family - The plays: S. Eisenhandler points out to the central moment in a play when “parents and children must face each other without recourse to roles – when they must come to terms with fidelity and treachery, love and contempt, the strong and weak moral qualities of the people they have all become”. The Evolution of Child-Parent Relationships The separation act gives “birth” to a new personality Separation and personal development

Issue №2 What happens when the separation act fails and what are the reasons for this failure?

Classical Family Cycle Russian Family Cycle Adult Child and Parent Relationships in Russia 1 stage. Monad 2 stage. Romantic relationships 3 stage. Dyad (marriage) 4 stage. First child 5 stage. Second child 6 stage. School years 7 stage. Teenage period and separation 8 stage. Again dyad 9 stage. Monad 1 stage. Enmeshed multigenerational family 2 stage. Partner is added to the enmeshed family 3 stage. First child 4 stage. Second child 5 stage. Grandparents in the focus 6 stage. Family with adult children Basic differences in the family life cycles (A.Y.Varga)

- Accommodation problem (up to 3 generations may share a flat) - Traumatic experience of 2 nd World war and Stalin’s repressions led to higher integration between mother and children (A.Y. Varga) Cultural level - Strong feminine figure in Russian culture (folklore, fairy tales etc.) and weak status of men (A.Y. Varga) - Collectivistic culture (Orthodoxy, Autocracy and Nationality) Reasons of the separation failure Economical, Historical and Social level Psychological level - Low differentiation - Dysfunctional families

- Young woman Anna (28 years old) lives with father and mother, never had romantic relationships, has very low self-esteem and unsatisfaction with her life - Enmeshed family with central figures of the mother and grandmother - No physical and emotional separation (e.g. “We want it”, “It is very important to Us”, “My mother won’t like this man”) Case Studies Case study №1. Private life failure Case study №2. Professional failure - Young man Dima (32 years old) lives with his wife and 4 year old child, is unhappy with his profession which is his family job. All his life is trying to prove his father he is a good son - The feeling of doing the wrong job results in periodical distress - Physical separation without emotional separation (“I want Him to except me as I am”)

Case Studies Case study №3. Family pattern transmission - Young woman Nadia (25 years old) lives with her husband, 2 year old child and her mother - After birth of the child got problems with her husband - Strongly influenced by her mother (“Reproduces mothers pattern “After birth of the child I Mother not a Woman or a Wife”)

To give more opportunities for younger generation ( e.g. good conditions for the mortgage) What changes can be made as a solution? Improvement of psychological education (through socialization process) Psychological culture development (e.g. festivals, free consultations, mass media) Macro level: Social policy and cultural norms changes Micro level: Social work with dysfunctional families Macro level: Social policy and cultural norms changes Micro level: Social work with dysfunctional families

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