Independent Living Day #14 :)

Theories Discussion Chapter 28 – page 546 Chapter 28 – page 546 Review Theories of Love/Attraction Review Theories of Love/Attraction 1. Homogamy – sameness 1. Homogamy – sameness 2. Complementary Needs 2. Complementary Needs 3. Social Exchange 3. Social Exchange 4. Proximity 4. Proximity 5. Ideal Mate (stay tuned for more!) 5. Ideal Mate (stay tuned for more!) 6. Right Time 6. Right Time 7. Filter Theory 7. Filter Theory Theories and reality…how are theories of love and reality similar and different? Theories and reality…how are theories of love and reality similar and different?

Homogamy The “same” person. The “same” person. Same interests, dislikes, goals, values, beliefs, career path, etc. Same interests, dislikes, goals, values, beliefs, career path, etc. It’s amazing how you are EXACTLY the same person. It’s amazing how you are EXACTLY the same person. What can go wrong if you are too much alike in a relationship? What can go wrong if you are too much alike in a relationship?

Complementary needs You make up for something the other person lacks. You make up for something the other person lacks. Example: You are good with balancing finances and your partner isn’t. He is outgoing, but you are really shy. You are book smart, but he has more “common sense smarts”. She is organized and a planner, but he is not. Example: You are good with balancing finances and your partner isn’t. He is outgoing, but you are really shy. You are book smart, but he has more “common sense smarts”. She is organized and a planner, but he is not. This is viewed as “opposites attract” but opposites can have a negative view. Too much of an opposite is clearly a bad thing, especially when it comes to values, beliefs, goals, and parenting styles/philosophies. This is viewed as “opposites attract” but opposites can have a negative view. Too much of an opposite is clearly a bad thing, especially when it comes to values, beliefs, goals, and parenting styles/philosophies.

Social Exchange Everyone evaluates his/her own worth and then goes to barter and see what he/she can find. The person thinks, “I am this good looking, this smart, and have this type of job. You are not as good; or better; or about the same, it is a fair trade.” Everyone evaluates his/her own worth and then goes to barter and see what he/she can find. The person thinks, “I am this good looking, this smart, and have this type of job. You are not as good; or better; or about the same, it is a fair trade.”  Some exchanges may be for different qualities. A guy with lots of money but who is not very handsome may be able to exchange that money for a beautiful girl. Looks for looks, money for money. Not uncommon to see a couple who looks like they could be brother or sister. Looks for looks, money for money. Not uncommon to see a couple who looks like they could be brother or sister.

Proximity Simply stated, this theory says we marry people we know. If you know only people from your high school, that’s who you will marry. If you know only people where you work, your church, your college, etc., that is who you will marry. Simply stated, this theory says we marry people we know. If you know only people from your high school, that’s who you will marry. If you know only people where you work, your church, your college, etc., that is who you will marry.

Ideal Mate Ideal Mate We will be doing a fun activity tomorrow based upon this theory…but based upon attraction…this theory states that your ideal mate is one of which you have high standards of what this person will look and act like. We will be doing a fun activity tomorrow based upon this theory…but based upon attraction…this theory states that your ideal mate is one of which you have high standards of what this person will look and act like. He must be tall, muscular, have brown hair, blue eyes, smart, outgoing, and funny. He must be tall, muscular, have brown hair, blue eyes, smart, outgoing, and funny. She must be shorter than me, blonde hair, green eyes, beyond intelligent and have an outgoing personality. She must be shorter than me, blonde hair, green eyes, beyond intelligent and have an outgoing personality.

Right Time/Right Place Society tries to convince us that it is time to marry when: We finish college, a career is established, finishing high school (there is nothing else to do), or when returning from military or other service. Society tries to convince us that it is time to marry when: We finish college, a career is established, finishing high school (there is nothing else to do), or when returning from military or other service for males 22.5 for females 24.5 for males 22.5 for females This theory says that as we travel through life, we will meet many people, but we will marry the person we are going with when the time is right. A person may have dated and broken up with several people that they might have married if the time was right. This theory says that as we travel through life, we will meet many people, but we will marry the person we are going with when the time is right. A person may have dated and broken up with several people that they might have married if the time was right.

Filter Theory SOCIAL CLASS is major determinant is an increased chance of marriage success when you marry within your own social class: -What did Cinderella have in common win mate selection. Most people marry within their own class or income level. When lines are crossed, it is usually the male who has married down. There ith the prince? -How well would a doctor and a waitress relate to each other? RACE is the least likely line to be crossed in mate selection. 99% of us marry within our own race. However, a mixed-race marriage has a much higher chance of success if they live in a community that is accepting of the marriage. RELIGION is another important item to consider in mate selection. Most people marry within their own religion. There are two very good reasons for this: First, it reduces the amount of marital conflict and second, it lessens the complications of child-bearing. Another point to consider is the degree of religiosity of each partner. EDUCATION AND INTELLIGENCE are also important. Most men are more intelligent then their wives. Most men marry down or at least to an equal level of intelligence and education. The more education the couple has, the better the chances of a successful marriage.

Discussion cont… Choose the Right Partner 28.2 Choose the Right Partner 28.2 What are signs of readiness for a relationship? What are signs of readiness for a relationship? 1. Age – the older someone is when they get married, the more likely the relationship will last and be stable 1. Age – the older someone is when they get married, the more likely the relationship will last and be stable 2. Independence – People who cannot stand on their own are not able to support someone else 2. Independence – People who cannot stand on their own are not able to support someone else 3. Parent Approval – Is this important to you? 3. Parent Approval – Is this important to you? 4. Know each other – Research says people who know each other longer than 5 years are the happiest in marriage. 4. Know each other – Research says people who know each other longer than 5 years are the happiest in marriage. 5. Sense of Responsibility – Functions of the family: who does what? 5. Sense of Responsibility – Functions of the family: who does what? 6. Friends/Siblings – How will this affect your relationship? 6. Friends/Siblings – How will this affect your relationship?

Triangular love theory

Which do you believe? Pick which theory you mostly agree with. Remember that many people dip into one than one theory. Pick which theory you mostly agree with. Remember that many people dip into one than one theory. Go to your theory group and discuss why you believe this is the best one for you. Discuss as a small group. Go to your theory group and discuss why you believe this is the best one for you. Discuss as a small group. Share as a whole class. Share as a whole class.