Interpersonal Communication Dr. Martha Reavley Odette School of Business

Introduction Key to interpersonal and organizational effectiveness

Topics of Discussion Models of effective communication: basic model and the pyramid of mutuality Communication styles Native tongue exercise

The Basic Model of Communication Sender message receiver channel noise

Pyramid of Mutuality Mutual Respect Mutual Meaning Mutual Purpose Silence Violence Withdrawing Hiding Politicking Monologuing Labeling Attacking

Mutuality A win-win situation that is built on a foundation of trust Sharing things in common Seeking for things in common: interests goals values

Mutual Purpose Common goals or objectives that are built on a foundation of trust Something we want

Mutual Meaning Observations, assumptions, conclusions, and feelings that both parties acknowledge as valid Available Meaning: When ideas, observations, and values are acknowledged and understood, they become part of the available pool of common meaning Hidden Meaning: Through sharing meaning we become more aware of inconsistencies in our own thinking

Mutual Respect Critical for maintaining dialogue Both parties choose to treat each other with dignity, decency, and consideration, based on the assumption that others are reasonable, and decent

Silence - to - Violence continuum Dialogue Violence Silence Withdrawing hiding politicking monologuing labeling attacking

Silence Strategies Politicking: selectively hiding and showing meaning. We hide our motives or withhold assumptions Hiding: talking without revealing anything. Manipulative conversations Withdrawing: Pulling out of communication completely. The most severe form of silence.

Silence Strategies exs. At work In school At home With friends

Violence Strategies Monologuing: Talking with the sole purpose of getting what you want. Communication is unidirectional. Labeling: Turing people into categories or things in order to get what you want. Makes it easier to do or say anything. Attacking: Communicating for the sole purpose of pushing or hurting. It includes harsh accusation, yelling and raw invective.

Violence strategies exs. At work At school At home With friends

Strategies Test 1. Let me see if I understand. 2. Oh yeah, you bozo. 3. If you say so. 4. Well, guarantee means a lot of things. So , I guess I could say I guarantee. 5. I can see you’re angry. Is it because we missed the deadline? 6. There’s no time for discussion. Just do it! 7. No, I have nothing to add. I never have anything to add. 8. You bean counters always think that way. 9. I know I missed the meeting, but you guys are doing a terrific job.

Answers 1. Let me see if I understand. -dialogue. Trying to understand 2. Oh yeah, you bozo. - labeling. Name calling 3. If you say so. - Hiding. Decreased meaning 4. Well, guarantee means a lot of things. So , I guess I could say I guarantee. Politicking. Wanting to allow for different definition 5. I can see you’re angry. Is it because we missed the deadline? - dialogue. Trying to understand 6. There’s no time for discussion. Just do it! Monologuing 7. No, I have nothing to add. I never have anything to add. labeling 8. You bean counters always think that way. labeling 9. I know I missed the meeting, but you guys are doing a terrific job. politicking

Effective Communication: A change of heart, not just a change in behaviour

Underlying Values

3 Practice Scripts

Native Tongue Exercise

What This Means For Change Make specific, personal ground rules: I will use a calm voice when speaking to… Critique your performance: How did you violate the rule? What went wrong? Manage expectations: begin an interaction with some explanations - “in the past this has ended in shouting match…. Apologize appropriately to allow dialogue to continue

Next Steps Commit to effective communication 4/20/2017 Next Steps Commit to effective communication Understand the problems within your group Document your progress in you diary