International Conflict Resolution Day Calming Upset People using E.A.R. October 15, 2015

Calming Upset People Using E.A.R. Add: Instructors Add: Organization

E.A.R. Defined  EMPATHY  ATTENTION  RESPECT *used with permission from the High Conflict Institute

E.A.R. Statements Empathy: “I can hear how upset you are.” Attention: “Tell me what’s going on.” Respect: “I share your concerns about this problem and respect your efforts to solve it.”

Empathy

Empathy vs. Sympathy

Empathy Exercise 1.Refer to EMPATHY section on worksheet 2.Discuss question 1 and 2 as a large group 3.Develop an empathetic response to each statement 4.For the “your situation” – think of an emotional attack/ statement/ accusation that was made against you. a.Write down the statement b.Write an empathetic response for it. *Please note that you will use this same situation for the rest of the exercises

Empathy Statements  “I can see how important this is to you.”  “I understand this can be frustrating.”  “I know this process can be confusing.”  “I’m sorry to see that you’re in this situation.”  “Let’s see if we can solve this together.”  “I’d like to help you if I can.”

Attention “Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important’.” Mary Kay Ash

Ways to Pay Attention Non-Verbal  Good eye contact  Nod your head  Lean In  *Caution: direct touch Verbal “I will listen as carefully as I can.” “I will pay attention to your concerns.” “Tell me what’s going on.” “Tell me more!”

Respect “Respect is the personal, open-hearted consideration of another human as being of equal worth to ourselves, whoever they are, whatever they have done.” Alan Sharland, Mediator & Conflict Coach

Respect Exercise 1.Refer to RESPECT section on worksheet 2.Discuss question 1 and 2 as large group 3.Develop a respectful response to each statement 4.For the “your situation” – think of an emotional attack/ statement/ accusation that was made against you. 5.Write down the statement and then a respectful response to it. *Please note that you will use this same situation for the rest of the exercises

Respect Statements  “I can see that your are a hard worker.”  “I respect/value your commitment to solving this problem.”  “I respect/appreciate your efforts on this.”  “I respect/value your success at accomplishing _______.”  “You have important skills that we need here.”

Why is E.A.R. Important?

Putting It All Together 1. Refer to last page of worksheet and discuss as a large group 2. For the “your situation” (individually) a.Write down the statement b.then an E.A.R. response for it. 3.Role play the statement with the other person and actually say it out loud 4.Provide feedback 5.Switch

Self Management

Tips for Remaining Calm  Remember - It’s Not About You!!!  Monitor what you’re thinking and feeling  What is going on for me?  What am I telling myself about what is going on?  What assumptions am I making?

Pitfalls to Avoid  Don’t Lie  You don’t have to listen forever  E.A.R. doesn’t mean you agree or disagree  Maintain an “arms-length” relationship

Calming Upset People using E.A.R. Resources/Websites Add: Instructor’s Organization/Website/Telephone Alberta Conflict Resolution Day Alberta Dispute Resolution Network justice.alberta.ca/programs_services/mediation/drn High Conflict Institutite

Thank you for participating in Conflict Resolution Day!