Jesus the Friend Jesus had friendships that were significant to him Martha, Mary & Lazarus from Bethany Jesus talks with Martha & Mary (Luke 10:38-42) Jesus weeps at Lazarus’ death, raises him from the tomb (John 11:1-44)

Friendship as Mutual Caring Friendship usually involves loyalty, acceptance, honesty, availability, generous help, and equality It has a give-and-take quality that sets it apart from nurturing love and parental love Friendship is a strong foundation for just about all other types of love

Friendship as Mutual Caring An “I – Thou” Relationship Essential to friendship – one person sees the other as having value and worth When we treat another as a subject with an inner life Jewish philosopher, Martin Buber said when we treat another as an object or thing that can be used for whatever purpose we desire – we are relating to him/her as an “It.”

Friendship as Mutual Caring A Glimpse of the “Eternal Thou” Buber saw the “I- Thou” relationships we experience as ways of relating to God, the “eternal Thou” Buber saw encounters with other persons as grace-filled moments In this understanding our friendships can be sacred experiences, opportunities for grace

Who Are Our True Friends? We can determine who our real friends are by asking these questions: Do we bring out the best in each other? Are we loyal to and honest with each other? Is our relationship mutual and equal? Do we accept each other for who we truly are? Are we generous with each other?

Who Are Our True Friends? Bringing Out the Best? Friendship – like all love – means seeking and fostering what is good for the other person They encourage us to be the best person we can be They urge us to use our talents, make positive decisions, and to grow into the most dynamic, loving person we can be.

Who Are Our True Friends? Loyal and Honest? Newspaper columnist Walter Winchell said that “a friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” When a friendship is honest, the friends can be open and frank with each other and expect confidentiality Honesty may also include telling our friend a painful truth about herself or himself. P.149

Who Are Our True Friends? Mutual and Equal? Friendship must be a two-way street We give and receive mutually Accepting of Who the Other Is? Our genuine friends accept the total package of who we are, “warts and all.” However, acceptance does not mean tolerance of just any type of behavior P.150

Who Are Our Friends? Available and Generous? Generous acts are especially important between friends Nowadays, when people’s schedules are so full, one of the most appreciated acts of generosity is the gift of time (p. 151) Poem p. 152

Levels of Friendship Close Friends - Is there one person in my life to whom I could disclose anything about myself?

Levels of Friendship Acquaintances – Workers, schoolmates, neighbors and social contacts with whom we touch base occasionally

Levels of Friendship Collaborators – People who have a common interest or project that they are working on together (p. 154)

Levels of Friendship Buddies – A friendship that usually forms around a mutual interest or activities Buddies are fine but don’t take the place of a close friend (p. 155)

Levels of Friendship Relatives as friends – relatives can have a special friendship with each other in ways others cannot. They can be linked by family history or an event. (p. 156)

Developing Friendships: Types of Intimacy Intimacy – Close association and contact that results in bonding between two persons Work Intimacy – When people share tasks that bond them to one another in affirming ways Sharing responsibilities and decisions makes you feel mutual support

Intimacy Emotional Intimacy - When we communicate our sorrows, joys, anger, and disappointments

Intimacy Intellectual Intimacy – When we talk about ideas and opinions and challenge one another to stretch their minds

Intimacy Common Cause Intimacy – People who share an ideal or cause (environmental movement)

Intimacy Crisis Intimacy – You see the strength of others when you experience a crisis together People, like veterans or survivors, understand that crisis can bring a tremendous depth of intimacy

Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy – the intimacy between people who share a relationship with God or a similar sense of the meaning of life. It may be expressed in religious practices – worship and shared prayer – or in conversations about life and purpose.

Intimacy Aesthetic Intimacy – when two people appreciate beautiful scenes, music, art, literature, or movies together.

Intimacy Recreational Intimacy – doing something playful together can allow individuals to drop their masks and be themselves.

Intimacy Creative Intimacy – anyone who is in the process of creating, cultivating or nurturing can find intimacy together ( gardeners, new parents)

When A Friendship Ends Why End? The reasons that friendships end are many, but the most common reasons are these: Distance – Friends that are many miles apart may find it very difficult to maintain their closeness Over the years the intensity of the friendship diminishes

When A Friendship Ends? Changes in Each Person – Sometimes a friendship ends when one person changes and the other does not, or when both people change in different ways.

When A Friendship Ends? Competition and Envy – sometimes friends are threatened by each other’s achievements or good luck Maybe they are insecure about themselves or afraid of being left behind Envy and competition invades the relationship, eating away at it and eventually destroying it.

When A Friendship Ends Money and Favors – Unpaid or slowly paid loans or unreturned favors can lead to resentment and endanger a friendship.

When A Friendship Ends Overdependence - When one person conforms to every wish of the other simply to hold on to him or her as a friend It does not foster the good of both people There is no mutual respect or care

When A Friendship Ends Betrayal – Can be so hurtful and damaging to a friendship and sometimes you don’t even see it coming Your closest friend starts dating your boyfriend/girlfriend A secret you shared with a friend is suddenly all over school You hear your friend make sarcastic or humiliating comments to others about you.

When A Friendship Ends Letting Go – Sometimes after things go wrong in a friendship the best thing that we can do is to let go and move on. Friendship is ultimately a gift that cannot be taken from us, even though our sadness may tell us otherwise for a while

A Priceless, Sacred Gift Our friends bring out the best in us, accept us, and support us. They can be trusted for their loyalty and honesty Our relationship is mutual and equal We need to treat friendships as sacred, as encounters with “Thou” and a glimpse of the “eternal Thou”