Barriers to Men Seeking Help  Admitting there is a problem  Difficulty in asking for help and depending on others  Being perceived as “weak”  Fear of intimacy & vulnerability Shears J, & Furman R, (2008). Working with fathers: A review of the literature. Charlotte: University of North Carolina.

Barriers to father engagement include:  Strong Maternal/Child model of care  Assumption that fathers should know they are included  Primarily female-run programs  Staff fear or biases around engaging fathers  Lack of male social service providers  Organizational policies that prevent engagement  Intake process that requires limited information on fathers  Staff capacity to expand services to fathers

Moms and dads agree on some of the obstacles to father involvement. Work responsibilities and lack of knowledge. They disagree on others: Dads Think Obstacles Also Include:  Media/popular culture  Financial problems  Child’s mother Moms Think Obstacles Also Include:  Dad’s relationship with own dad  Lack of parenting resources for dads  Lack of support from relatives/ friends

Father Attitudes  33% of dads strongly agree with the statement that they have all the necessary skills and knowledge to be good fathers  54% of dads reported that they felt ready to be fathers when they first became fathers  53% of dads feel they are replaceable by the mother  57% of dads fell they are replaceable by other men Pop’s Culture: A National Survey of Dads’ Attitudes on Fathering, 2010.

In today’s culture of social media and high-speed internet, the messages reaching young men are often uncensored and inappropriate. TV dads are often portrayed as immature and less-than-intelligent followers who are rarely looked to for advice or guidance. Unfortunately, many young men may lack the appropriate role models. The underlying message from the media is that dads are not very important or necessary which is completely contradicted by research studies documenting the critical role fathers play in helping children grow and develop.

“In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence — both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference. That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.” — President Obama on the 100th anniversary of Father’s Day, June 21, 2009

Part 2: What We Have Learned in Working with Fathers

 Normalize their experience, ask him to tell you his story  Minimize reflection on his affect & emotions  Provide direct feedback and action-oriented steps, concrete action that will reach his goal  Use metaphors to make problems concrete and relatable (sports metaphors, building metaphors)  Use approaches that focus on logic and behavior Shears J, & Furman R, (2008). Working with fathers: A review of the literature. Charlotte: University of North Carolina. Strategies to Encourage Fathers’ Help-Seeking Behaviors:

Engaging Fathers: Concrete Activities Pros and Cons What did your Dad do that was positive? What did he do that bothered you? +-+-

Pros and Cons Activity  Record the pros and cons in the father’s own words, NOT in your words. The ideas should come from him; the decisions are in his hands.  Keep the completed pros and cons document and revisit it with the father when the issue comes up again.

What we have learned in four years of working with fathers:  Assume the non-resident father wants to be involved  Restore the non-resident father in the child's life at what level he can be  Individualize each case  Suspend judgments

Make Room for His Anger Men learn in our culture that a man is allowed to show he cares through his expressions of anger. Allow for this expression, acknowledge it then help him focus on how to achieve what he wants to see happen for him and his child. Too often service professionals are quick to label this father with anger management problems.