1 In 4-H Youth Development Bullying NDSU Extension Service Center for 4-H Youth Development

2 What is CHARACTER COUNTS!? CHARACTER COUNTS! is more than character development curricula

The Six Pillars of Character  TRUSTWORTHINESS  TRUSTWORTHINESS – honesty, integrity, promise-keeping, loyalty  RESPECT – courtesy, nonviolence, tolerance, autonomy  RESPONSIBILITY – duty, accountability, pursuit of excellence, self-restraint  FAIRNESS – openness, consistency, impartiality  CARING – kindness, compassion, empathy  CITIZENSHIP – civic virtue, lawfulness, common good 3

Caring Concern for others’ well-being Compassion Empathy Kindness and consideration Charity Sacrifice Gratitude Mercy and forgiveness 4

Caring Always be kind. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all – hurtful words have a lasting impact.

I have to show concern for others’ well-being. I should act compassionately and with empathy. I need to be kind and considerate. I should practice charity, make sacrifices, and show gratitude. I have to be willing to show mercy and forgiveness. CARING Positive values to instill I will be a better person and live a more worthy life if I act on the following beliefs:

A Caring Person Is: Compassionate and empathetic Kind, loving, and considerate Thankful and expresses gratitude Forgiving of others A Caring Person Is Not: Mean, cruel, or insensitive Selfish or self-centered Too busy to lend a helping hand

Creating a Culture of Kindness In a Culture of Kindness, differences are accepted and celebrated. In a Culture of Kindness, it’s all for one and one for all; people stand up for and next to each other.

Pepper Experiment Step 1: Sprinkle the pepper in the water. Step 2: Hold the soap in the middle of the pepper for 3 seconds. Do not drop it in. Step 3: Pour the sugar in the center of the water.

10 ©2012 Josephson Institute. NDSU Extension 4-H Youth Development’s Definition of Bullying Bullying behavior is defined as unwanted deliberate negative action by another individual or group of individuals with intent to harm. Bullying may inflict harm or distress, including physical, social, sexual, psychological, or educational harm. Bullying often includes an imbalance of power between individuals/groups.

11 The Triple D’s of Bullying DANGEROUS Someone might get hurt DESTRUCTIVE Something might get broken, damaged, or destroyed Someone repeatedly teases or bullies other people DISCRIMINATORY Someone’s core identity is ridiculed

12 When 4-H’ers understand that they are responsible for their fellow 4-H members’ well-being, they are less likely to exhibit these behaviors and more likely to intervene if they see them.

13 Is It Teasing or Bullying?

14 Good-Natured Teasing Playful between BOTH people Uses a friendly tone Encourages friendships Doesn’t lead to physical confrontations Sometimes lightens a tense moment

15 Hurtful Teasing Uses angry tone Includes hostile body language Continues even when distress is evident Continues even when the topic is upsetting to others Is accompanied by taunting or showing off

16 Cyberbullying can include any of the following: Pretending to be someone else online Sending threatening or mean messages Posting/forwarding embarrassing images Using information found online to harass Setting up popularity polls Creating an account as someone else

17 Do Intervene if you see/become aware of bullying behaviors Regularly discuss how to demonstrate caring and respect Establish clear guidelines for 4-H club and activity conduct Have a plan for handling incidents Take all incidents seriously Communicate with 4-H’ers and parents/caregivers about processes if these incidents occur

18 Don’t … Wait until there is a serious problem to start building a culture of kindness Blame the victim — no one deserves to be bullied Confront 4-H’ers about these issues in front of other 4-H’ers Get hung up on the details of finger-pointing — the bullying behavior must stop.

19 Research shows If one bystander says, “Stop it,” 50 percent of the time the bullying ends in 10 seconds or less. If two or more people speak up, the bullying usually stops in 10 seconds or less. “Bullying is a Relationship Problem” -Dr. Wendy Craig, Queens University

20 Show them how Adults are the role models here. If you are not pro-active in addressing negative behaviors, your 4-H’ers will not be either.

21 Ways to prepare 4-H’ers to act Role play Brainstorm strategies Determine which adults they are most comfortable talking to Think of non-confrontational ways to intervene Recognize the strengths youth bring to the situation.

22 Can 4-H’ers answer these? What can you do to help? Whom should you ask for help? What could you do if this happens again? What should you do after you have seen something?

23 Help 4-H’ers Keep Perspective Remind youth that there are many people in their lives who care about them. Use exercises and discussions to build social problem-solving skills Encourage 4-H’ers to consider whose opinions really matter

24 Ways of Working with 4-H Youth Weave caring and respect through 4-H activities and curriculum Have a “4-H Participation Expectations” meeting with 4-Hers, volunteers and caregivers Encourage service learning