© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Communication and Intimacy Chapter 9

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Friendship, Intimacy, and Singlehood

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Love versus Friendship Fascination Exclusiveness Sexual desire Depth of caring Potential for enjoyment Potential for conflict, distress, criticism Love Has Greater Than Friendship

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Friendship, Love, and Commitment Friendship is the foundation for love and commitment Love reflects the positive factors that draw people together Commitment reflects the stable factors that help maintain relationships for better or worse All Closely linked

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Fabric of Friendship Enjoyment Acceptance Trust Respect Mutual Assistance Confiding Understanding Spontaneity Davis and Todd, 1985

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Love and Friendship Two categories or clusters distinguishing love from friendship Passion Cluster Fascination Sexual desire Exclusiveness Caring Cluster Advocacy for partner Giving the utmost Davis and Todd, 1985

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Love and Friendship Davis, 1985

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternberg’s Love Triangle Argues three dimensions found in love Presence or absence of these dimensions determine type of love Dimensions: Commitment—cognitive aspect Passion—motivational aspect Intimacy—emotional aspect

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternberg’s Love Triangle

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Commitment A person’s attachment to another Process develops over time Represents desire to be faithful Can be expressed by moving to a more advanced stage of a relationship

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Intimacy The bonding and emotional closeness or connectedness Involves: sharing feelings self disclosure emotional support Increases as the closeness grows Gains greater depth as a relationship matures

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Passion Develops quickly Romantic feelings, desires and arousal Often involves touching, kissing and being affectionate Can fade quickly

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternberg’s Eight Types of Love Non-love Liking Infatuation Empty love Fatuous love Companionate love Romantic love Consummative love

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Sternberg’s Eight Types of Love

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Addictive Love vs. Mature Love Addictive Love People seek comfort and stability in love Infatuation generates adrenaline high Suffer withdrawal when not available or breakup occurs Mature Love Each person is valued Each person is a better person as a result of relationship Each person has outside interests Relationship is not totality of life Jealousy not present Partners are best friends Peele, 1985

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Jealousy Emotional response to real or perceived threat to a valued relationship No gender differences in occurrence Gender differences in cause Men If partner is sexually involved Women If partner is emotionally involved Triggered by internal and external causes

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Intimacy Dynamic Concept Pathways often differ by gender Associated with: Honest communication Needed for intimacy in relationships Appropriate level of honesty critical

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Intimate relationship vs. Intimate Experiences Intimate relationships Involves sharing intimate experiences in several areas over time Difficult to have multiple intimate relationships Limited areas Intimate experience Feeling of closeness or sharing with another May or may not be perceived similarly

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Critical Areas for Developing Intimacy Communication Conflict Resolution Sexual Relations Couple Flexibility Couple Closeness Personality Compatibility Good Relationships with Family & Friends Shared Spiritual Values Olson & Olson, 2000

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Happily vs. Unhappily Married Couples Olson & Olson, 2000

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Intimacy Games

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Intimacy Games All couples engage in intimacy games Two Types: Constructive Enhances relationships and intimacy Destructive Creates distance and dissatisfaction

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Constructive Intimacy Games Focus on positive aspects of relationship Give to the other in a positive manner Fosters reciprocity in relationships

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Destructive Intimacy Games Common Games “I Don’t Care….You Decide” “The Ties that Bind” Limit Destructive Games by Naming the game Making implicit rules explicit Unveiling game strategies Identifying disguised objectives

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Contemporary Singlehood

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Single and Never Married over 15 Years of Age U.S. Bureau Of The Census, 2004a

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Factors Contributing to Selected Singlehood Educational pursuits Societal acceptance Career aspirations Alternative lifestyle to marriage

© 2006 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Criteria for Successful Single Life Potential for economic self sufficiency Potential to be autonomous Intent to be single